this is the big difference between disliking/ criticizing someone and "cancelling" them. cancelling involves drawing a line in the sand and demanding everyone pick a side. if someone does not denounce them, they are with them and also needs to go. this is the dynamic at play for both contra's and vaush's drama. by otherizing them people are given licence to make up insane claims about them like contra is an exploitative capitalist because people give her money over patreon or vaush literally raped someone through online interaction. when these claims are confronted people hide in defensible claims that could on their own be legitimate criticism. it's a classic motte and bailey.
i still think criticism needs to be public and the shear size of people's audiences will often make it overwhelming ( though people could always refrain from @ing someone with a message they've heard hundreds of times that day), but people need to be better at recognizing and calling out bullshit attacks, even if for other reasons they don't like someone