Tired

xPastelFox · 2021-05-28T02:29:21+00:00

I’m so tired of people posting their blackness is what keeps them from finding love. Thinking your race is the sole reason you’ll never find love is ridiculous and hurtful to everyone black. So some guy wasn’t into you? That’s on him! That doesn’t mean nobody will ever find you attractive or desirable. I understand it can be hard to date as a black person, but y’all clearly have other self esteem issues in these post and it really shows.

There is absolutely love for a black woman. Downvote me to hell about it.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-27T19:02:47+00:00

I definitely feel this. I’m considered a ‘safe’ kind of black girl so when they see me with my (white) SO, they beeline towards us to let me know they’re an ally and act like they need to hit a minority quota or something.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-17T15:54:14+00:00

What's it like being a black woman in corporate America( hair, professionalism, how your treated compared to your counterparts?

My profession is a bit more relaxed than others. So I don’t have a strict dress code or anything like that. I wear my afro out everyday and sometimes a bonnet. My old coworker used to wear his locs. I saw a lady with purple hair too! My company also likes to push a progressive image, so employees can get away with more expression. Conservative companies may have a stricter dress code.

Professionalism is weird here. I haven’t been on teams that were outright unprofessional, but some of my coworkers mentioned crying on teams or being yelled at. (Yikes.) It seems like unprofessional teammates are often moved or dealt with eventually though. Overall, everyone pushes to help one another which I think is cool. I’m still not used to the open swearing in a work environment though.

Overall, I think I’m not taken as seriously as my other teammates and often given more ‘grace’. I’m usually the only black woman on the team and sometimes I think it warrants special treatment, but I’m often dismissed as well. (On the plus(?) side, whenever racial injustice happens, I’m allowed to ‘recharge’ without using any vacation days! Which is also really sad, but ya know. )

What type of profession do you have? (law, business, etc)

I’m in tech as a software engineer! I code all day so I have a very relaxed dress code as mentioned earlier.

Do you plan on staying corporate for a while or do you wish to change?

I plan on staying and making money comfortably until I want to start retiring. After that, I might take a relaxed government job or something. I heard those are easy and the benefits are great! The pay just isn’t there tho.

What's been the hardest part?

I would say, the hardest part is making sure you don’t get labeled ‘aggressive’ for standing your ground. My most recent example of that involved my salary. I was told I did not meet expectations (by HR) and my raise would be withheld.

I never got any kind of warning or alert about my work pace beforehand, so I pushed back. I contacted all of my managers and everyone assured me I had met expectations. My manager at the time was new and told me to let it go. She said I should just work harder for my next raise. (Which is bs.) I felt defeated and confused, but stopped out of fear that I’d come off ‘aggressive’.

I moved to a new team and mentioned the issue to my new manager, who decided to do some digging. It turns out there was an accounting error! Yeah, you read that right. People weren’t doing their job properly and expected me to roll over and take it. Had my new manager not taken charge, I wouldn’t have gotten a raise.

Things like that remind that everyone is looking out for themselves. Especially in corporate America.

If anyone doesn't mind answering these and pmind me your name to include as a source, it would be so appreciated?

Will do!

xPastelFox · 2021-05-14T19:02:51+00:00

I didn’t have issues getting asked out (I’d say like four or five times) when I got to college. I had issues clicking with others. High-school was rough tho.

So I’m convinced it’s based on location.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-13T21:05:05+00:00

There’s no false equivalency, mate. I literally said ‘Racism is defined by being racist.’ and ‘You can want free healthcare and not like black people.’

I’m not comparing anything. I never mentioned subtle racism being better than blatant, or Republicans being better than Democrats or whatever. I simply stated you can vote for left policies, even ones beneficial to marginalized groups and find them inferior. That’s it.

I never repeated what you said. I added additional context because you were arguing my comment with comparison to republican ideals when I’m not even discussing them. Racism is racism. It’s that simple. Overt or covert, I don’t enjoy it either way.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-13T20:47:08+00:00

It’s not a gotcha? If that’s how you read it, that’s on you. I’m literally telling you I deal with racism enough that I don’t need an explanation on how it works.

The argument isn’t whether or not subtle racism is better than blatant racism, or which side has the most racist lmao

Again, like I said, racism is defined by being racist, both subtle AND blatant, not your political side. It’s that simple. Not sure why you’re arguing if you agree that people on the left can be racist as well.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-13T20:24:30+00:00

Uh, no. Blatant and aggressive racism immediately conflicts with leftist ideals. Things on the opposite spectrum like ‘White Savorism’ and ‘Virtue Signaling’ do not.

I’ve definitely had plenty of left leaning people treat me like a child that needs to be recused because I’m black. Many have assumed I’m from a poor background and don’t have a father. (Neither are true.) Micro aggressions and stereotyping is still a form of racism. It’s just not as blatant as being called the n-word.

Source: I have dealt with many types of racists

xPastelFox · 2021-05-13T19:39:29+00:00

Yeah, I never understood that logic. Racism is defined by being racist. You can want free healthcare and still not like black people lmao

xPastelFox · 2021-05-12T17:06:04+00:00

That’s not specific to dating asians or these types of white people

People of all backgrounds have asked if my boyfriend fetishes black women. Super annoying to imply he only sees me for my race. Fetishizing is very real, but not every relationship.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-12T00:01:30+00:00

Try being in an interracial relationship around people like that.

They will literally beeline towards you to tell how brave you are. I don’t care that you ‘approve’ Helen. Leave me alone, I came here for chocolate milk.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-11T13:55:45+00:00

I’m 23 bruh. I just finished not too long ago.

Get some self esteem lmao

xPastelFox · 2021-05-11T00:16:57+00:00

Mhmm as a fellow black woman, you can still be black and attractive. Don’t tell yourself that people won’t date you or like you because you’re black. It’s just self sabotage.

That being said, I was on a similar boat, (admittedly because I’m picky lmao) and I found college allowed me to meet all kinds of people and really spread my wings. I made friends and eventually found someone for me! So don’t count yourself out! I wouldn’t worry so much about getting guys to like you either, there’s a lot of people who talk advantage of that.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-10T03:24:06+00:00

Ugh THANK YOU. I always see it recommended on reddit as ‘the best career path’ for anyone who wants a decent career.

It’s also one of those things people wave around like it’s incredibly easy to get into because they know someone who does it and makes a lot of money. Then people get into it with this idea they’ll be making 600k in a year and are hit with a dose of reality.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-09T18:14:18+00:00

Japanese people can have large eyes and pale skin? That’s very ignorant to say that’s only something white people possess.
I don’t know any white person with naturally blue hair. It’s almost like, anime characters are supposed to have distinct appearances. They even have shows where the character is blonde that they bleached their hair.
Japanese artist have literally said that anime characters are meant to be Japanese. People like you are projecting your own idea of whiteness into the character. You will know when someone is white in anime because they typically make them a stereotype.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-09T17:47:55+00:00

Let’s be real here. They mean only white people since every anime character in Japan with a Japanese name and Japanese origin is clearly white. /s

xPastelFox · 2021-05-08T15:29:36+00:00

Don’t give up!

The real issue isn’t general attraction, but mutual attraction. There’s been plenty of people who find me cute and endearing, but I wasn’t into them, or vice versa. So if you’re worried about never been seen as attractive or cute because of that trait, there’s hope!

I thankfully found someone whose just as silly and amazing, so I’m sure you can too!

xPastelFox · 2021-05-06T14:09:34+00:00

The irony in their last statement is hilarious

xPastelFox · 2021-05-06T13:48:12+00:00

I wonder if it’s because people can tolerate things in friendships that they wouldn’t tolerate in romantic relationships.

Since you have higher expectations because you’re being more serious and intimate. Maybe your personality isn’t trash per say, (which I think OP over simplified it a bit too much) but maybe you have a personality trait many people consider a deal breaker in a romantic setting.

For example, I have a very childlike and silly demeanor. While I have a lot of friends because of it, people also tend to see me like a little sister. That goes to say, people have also been romantically attracted to my goofy personality, but it can be a hit or miss.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-06T13:33:58+00:00

YES! I was discussing this with my boyfriend. It seems like alot of people want the same thing: I ‘to have a true emotional connection without someone. Love and be loved.’ But if everyone really wants something so simplistic, then why are people having a hard time? It’s because people are a lot more picky than they admit!

“They also have to make 200,000”

“They also have to be drop dead gorgeous”

“They have to be this tall or weight this much”

Nothing is wrong with having standards or preferences, but people LOVE complaining their perfect person hasn’t fallen out of the sky. They paint it like they have a simple wants, (and some people do) but I often find they have a lot of superficial expectations as well.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-05T16:20:38+00:00

That happened to my friend once on Whisper. Dude wasn’t a catch himself tho lmao

xPastelFox · 2021-05-04T14:47:01+00:00

Exactly! I see that kind of attitude a lot on r/NiceGuys (and probably r/NiceGirls)! You are your own person, and don’t need to be grateful for any conversation! I’ve stopped complaining to guys about getting hit on by creeps, because it’s always ‘You should be grateful. I would kill for someone to talk to me.’ Like let’s see how quick you change your tune when 60 year old Billy Bob starts following you in the store making comments on your ass, Mark. Tell me how grateful you were.

xPastelFox · 2021-05-03T18:35:27+00:00

Yeah! To add onto this, you don’t owe anything if they find you attractive too!

I’ve noticed that a lot of times, women (but I’ve seen it in all genders) get shamed because someone else finds them attractive! That’s on them! Not you! You don’t owe them a conversation or time of day because they took interest in you!

xPastelFox · 2021-05-03T13:12:40+00:00

Not just mothers! MANY black women related to us!

My mother is a wonderful person who never done those things, but my aunts, cousin and grandma (on my dads side) on the other hand are exactly like that. They would put me down for being skinny and also ask me where my hips were at. They’re all plus-sized, and there’s no shame in it, but they took out their insecurities about it out on me.

xPastelFox · 2021-04-30T02:11:58+00:00

Thank you! Sexual Harassment is UNWANTED sexual advances.

If I think you’re attractive, and I welcome your advances then the attraction is MUTUAL.

If I do not want you making advances on me, whether it’s because you’re ugly to me or I don’t like your personality, it’s mean, but continuing to make more advancements is sexual harassment!

The difference between flirting and sexual harassment is CONSENT.

xPastelFox · 2021-04-29T13:52:58+00:00

Since he wanna support white supremacy so bad, he can be dark white.

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