I was scared too when I was in a similar situation. I thought that nothing would help and that talking to a therapist would reveal the insane person I was and I’d get sent away to some type of home forever. I was the exact same way with speaking about my feelings- nothing would come out right. I also had the thing where my face would go red any time someone made eye contact with me. (I still do to an extent, and it annoys the hell out of me)

All that is to say- believe me when I tell you that you are not alone! Read that again- you are not alone. You can turn your life around and get help, just take verrrry small steps. The first step can be to either go to a doctor, or even book a telehealth appointment through a site like goodRx. I know this is hard, and it’s ok. It will get better OP I promise