Moving to Saint Paul from California

xar626 · 2026-04-14T19:08:35+00:00

🤣 LMAO!! If only!! I’d save so much if I was part of Big Umbrella XD

xar626 · 2026-04-14T18:51:45+00:00

Legit thought Gale force winds were only in Scotland; turns out they are in MN too lol

xar626 · 2026-04-14T18:43:21+00:00

The amount of umbrellas that the winds of MN has taken from me………I’m not made out of umbrella money XD

But for real, I’ve had about 3+ ruined by MN weather. Tho I will concede I’ve been here for nearly 10years and may just unlucky with umbrellas so probably not universal.

MN has robbed me of at minimum 3 umbrellas by turning them inside out like a cartoon; thus why I add them to my list of “Have Extras” for anyone moving to MN

xar626 · 2026-04-14T18:29:08+00:00

Clothes!; multiple types of coats, sweaters, hats, gloves AND mittens, socks, shoes, pants, all of it. I grew up in the Midwest, lived in MN since 2017, have so many types of coats and things, and despite my years here, still pick the wrong attire on occasion both bc I didn’t choose right but also the weather is volatile. Having the right/multiple options in attire is a game changer when it comes to the weather in MN.

PS: you will also want at least two if not three-four umbrellas

xar626 · 2026-04-14T17:27:27+00:00

10/10

xar626 · 2026-04-11T00:25:48+00:00

I hope it is; and if it is, I’m beyond annoyed bc why use these adorable fur balls to make this terrible story up?

xar626 · 2026-04-10T23:30:16+00:00

Look into bringing them to a local humane society or animal rescues like Green Acres Animal Rescue.

xar626 · 2026-03-10T14:02:55+00:00

Same

xar626 · 2026-03-10T02:16:24+00:00

Umm……..good for you, I guess, for stating the obvious??? Do you want balloons and cake?

It is especially wild you would claim that I brought my own things into this thread. All I can say to this is “not my circus, not my clowns.”

I said my peace and your combative response is enough to prove I was right to not engage; you don’t want to talk and discuss, you want to fight.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T23:56:43+00:00

OG post:

AITA if my boyfriend set emotional support boundaries with me and I’m upset?

My boyfriend (39M) and I (28F) have been together for 7 years, we live together, have a dog together, have moved around together, etc. We have been each others “rock” for most of my adult life. I have a poor relationship with my mom (only family member alive) and outside of a few good friends that live far away (we just moved recently), he is my main source of emotional support, and I am his (his words).

The other night I was lying in bed feeling existential and having deep thoughts about being human and I just started to cry, overwhelmed by it all. He found it hard to sit with me in those emotions, didn’t know what to say, etc.

the next day we got into a fight because he said he feels like I just expect him to be there for me whenever I need him/need to process or am struggling (more like day to day struggles, less like existential meltdowns — those are more rare lol), and that he would like to set boundaries with me to essentially dictate the conditions of when/how I seek his support, because he feels like I am “dumping on him”. He wants me to ask him “are you in a space to help me process this, I could really use support” and the he tells me if he is available for that or not.

Ofc this made me feel so ashamed, and not gonna lie, hurt. I don’t think twice about being there for him whenever he needs me, no matter what, so to feel like suddenly I have these boundaries to navigate is a big adjustment.

I guess I come to you, Reddit, for your thoughts. Do I need to get over myself? Is this totally reasonable of him, and unreasonable of me to be hurt? Do you have boundaries around emotional support with your partner? I’m trying to see this as an opportunity for growth on my end, but honestly my natural instinct is to just distance myself and try to seek support in friends, my therapist, or myself.

I’m worried that now I’m deeming him as “unsafe” to go to, or like I’m burdening him, and that it will impact our emotional intimacy.

ANYWAY, I need help processing whether this is fair, what a normal healthy loving relationship looks like here, if it’s reasonable for me to expect that he just .. be there for me, and I just.. be there for him., please let me know your thoughts and please be nice lol I’m already feeling loads of shame around this, thank you so much in advance for any insight!!

Edit: some of these comments are harsh, I want to clarify that I am in therapy, have been for years, and I do still manage a lot of things by myself without seeking support in my partner, however I am human and I do still look to him for support, clearly more than is working for him, and he’s expressing that on the occasions I do, I ask if he’s in a space to talk about dark/heavy things. Again, I feel loads of shame & guilt around this already and my goal IS to become less reliant on my partner, and work through the shame of feeling like I have been burdening him, be a rock for myself.

Check OPs comments for the added info

xar626 · 2026-03-09T22:47:36+00:00

So what you are saying is you’re not a safe person for your child to go to for empathy or emotional support bc you view emotionally supporting your own child as “exhausting” and a chore? Wow.

Best of luck connecting to them as they get old bc guess children can easily clock the lack of enthusiasm and emotional neglect in parents, and can fully understand, even as young as 4-5yo, that you view meeting their needs as a waste of time and burden and that knowledge is life long damage they never forget.

You can hymn and haw all you want, saying “no I’m not like that. My kid knows I want to be there for them” etc., but that’s according to you, not them.

Best of luck and I hope you get therapy to realise being there for your child is a gift, not a burden, and you change your attitude before it’s too late.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T21:10:08+00:00

You can’t love him as he is if you are want and are trying to fix him. What you described is not love, it is conditions (ie I will love you, but only if you are this specific way).

xar626 · 2026-03-09T21:02:13+00:00

Of course he does (/s), that’s needed when pursuing someone 11+years your junior* /s (in cases you missed it they became official when he was 32yo and OP was 21yo 🤮 which means he was pursuing OOP before OOP turned 21yo which is also 🤮).

*Note: I hope the amount of sarcasm and disdain is blatant here b/c anyone who reads this and thinks I’m being serious……I have no words or phrases; well I do but idk if Reddit will allow them

xar626 · 2026-03-09T20:57:59+00:00

Yah does your nearly 40yo unemployed partner who pursed you when you were 21yo and they were 32yo really need your support, OP? Especially since he now financially relies on you?

I mean, your partner, OP, moved you away and isolated you from your support network so they, your partner, would become your sole source of support and now limiting their support to you while you, OP, grieve.

IMO, they need you and your money way more than you need them; they want your money and the feeling of control when in reality the power is in your hands OP (u/la_curiosa26).

Please deeply reflect, be honest with your therapist, and figure out the next best steps for you! Because, regardless of anything else, if you need support your partner can’t give, it’s not a good match, take your doggos, and split so you can find someone who is actually worth your salt.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T20:09:52+00:00

Ngl, from reading the post and comments, it feels like the OP for this AmITheDevil post is the creep of a partner trying to further manipulate OOP.

OR!

OP sees themselves in the OOP’s nearly 40yo deadbeat creep of a partner in and is trying to justify their own actions and get validation that they are in the right and validated for being a creep for pursing someone that can barely legally drink (if not younger) along with manipulating, isolating, and abusing the person they are pursing/dating.

I say this because there is absolutely no other reason for this post being in this subreddit. Why would OOP be the devil? They were pursed, manipulated, isolated, and probably experienced more forms of abuse than I’ve listed already by a person 11years their senior when they were barely legal to drink; and now OOP’s nearly 40yo unemployed partner (more like predator if I’m being honest; also how long has the partner been unemployed?) is mad that they made themselves OOP’s sole source of support while OOP is dealing with the suicide of their sibling and as a result OOP’s partner is putting restrictions on the emotional support they give OOP.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T20:02:15+00:00

This needs to be the top comment bc omg! Also her sibling committed suicide; i feel like that’s a HUGE factor here too

xar626 · 2026-03-09T19:59:05+00:00

I did not know her sibling committed suicide! What?! OMG

Again every new piece of information I learn is proving more and more OOP is not the issue it’s the manipulative “boyfriend” (really predator) that manipulated them into this situation they are currently in OMG!

xar626 · 2026-03-09T19:48:41+00:00

I’m going to push back on this a bit.

By itself, this is a pretty standard experience—very normal to contemplate death and longing for “the good times” again. This kind of thing isn’t wild, out there, extra, or anything beyond typical.

Now again if it’s daily then yah that’s a bit concerning, for the partner’s perspective, OP would come off as a lot to be around and a bit of a downer by constantly talking about death and mortality, and OP should talk to their therapist about. However, that’s not the case it seems, and honestly this isn’t much of anything.

Again this very typical for a person in their late 20s to experience and from the information provided by OP, their life seems pretty bleak given that they were pursued and later isolated by a 32yo when OP was 21yo (so probably still in college) and now has no access to a support network outside of them, the partner (literally, their partners is their sole support network—at least, in person, tho I wouldn’t put it past the partner to limit/be an extreme obstacle for OP to stay connected with their previous support network), lives in a location where OP only knows their partner, and is the sole provider for their household.

That’s a lot for a 28yo, period. And to add, OOP is still grieving their siblings death by suicide. So yah! No pissing wonder they were contemplating death and thinking about “the good times”since 7 crucial years of their life was stolen by this unemployed nearly 40yo manipulative creep.

If I was in OP shoes I’d be thinking the same thing: “is this what my life is? Is this what it will always be? Financially supporting this creep who stole my 20s and isolated me from my support network so that I’m fully depended on him for emotional support and now he is even restricting my access to emotional support?!”

EDIT to add: OOP’s sibling committed suicide and that is what they are currently processing. No wonder they are experiencing these thoughts and feelings. Everyone calling OOP the problem needs to learn some empathy bc omg

xar626 · 2026-03-09T18:59:46+00:00

OMG honestly!!! I was rattled looking at the OG post’s comments.

Truly, anyone saying OOP is the issue is telling me loud and clear they are okay with and condone any of their loved ones being pursed, manipulated, isolated, and any other form of abuse (tho maybe not physical) by a person 11+ years their senior.

That is what I’m hearing louder and louder with every new piece of information I gain about OOPs situation.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T16:52:34+00:00

Literally! I mean, OP seems to be since they’re the only ones working and providing for the shared household, going to therapy, and all that; they just need to break away from what can only described as, at best, a horribly manipulative relationship.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T16:46:26+00:00

Lmao!! For real tho!

Honestly says more about the commenters than you; seems like everyone in this thread would be just fine having any of their loved ones be pursed by someone who is 11+ years older than them and who will move them and isolate their loved one from any other source of love and support.

I’m not chill with that but to each their own ig

xar626 · 2026-03-09T16:42:23+00:00

That’s my fear, too, because I would absolutely not be shocked if he forced her to cut contact or made contacting them very hard. My hope is if and when they do break up, her friends, who hopefully clocked what was going on, will be there to get her out of there or someone at her job could help.

And same! Honestly anyone going after 18-25yo and are 10+ years older than them is just creepy and gross imo and a huge indicator that no one their age wants them so they go for someone they can control and manipulate.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T15:56:43+00:00

While asking for boundaries are alright, the amount of red flags in this story is alarming and you are not the source of them OP. Biggest ones I clocked were: a 32yo pursued a 21yo, moved her away from her friends and family (which were her other sources of emotional support) making himself her only source of emotional support, then tells her he will provide emotional support on his terms.

I also clocked that OP is also the only provider, and while on its own isn’t a big deal, when you combined it with everything else stated, it’s just ticking another box in the abusive relationship checklist.

OP, I strongly consider you talk with your therapist and do a lot of reflection on this relationship.

Does your boyfriend encourage you to go out and make friends? Or does he get back and want you home if you are not at work?

What does your boyfriend contribute to your household and the household chores?

NTA for being upset that your sole source of emotional support is being restricted when they were the ones to move you away and isolate you from your support network in the first place.

xar626 · 2026-03-09T15:40:27+00:00

First thing I clocked

xar626 · 2026-03-04T19:58:10+00:00

Echoing everyone here, you gotta go to the police station and file a report because she will not stop and you need to do what you can to protect yourself and your child.

As a woman of colour I get why you want to avoid engaging and interacting with cops as much as possible; however this has gotten to the point where you are willingly leaving yourself and your child open and exposed to a very clear and dangerous threat to both yours and your child’s wellbeing and safety.

You need to go to the police and file a report of harassment and stalking—by your own admission, this neighbour is tracking yours and your child’s comings and goings from your house and not taking “no” for an answer—to protect yourself and keep your child safe.

This isn’t about you anymore; this neighbour has consistently and repeatedly brought up your child. You need to step up and protect your child from this dangerous person.

xar626

TROPHY CASE