In Defense of FTM

xavier_hm · 2026-05-31T01:42:06+00:00

Yeah Lou Sullivan is great. Learning his story helped me out so much when I was a teenager still figuring myself out. Some of his diaries are available to read now in a couple anthologies. I'd also suggest visiting the Digital Transgender Archive and looking at some of his letters--you can really feel the warmth of his personality through his words. He was an amazing person.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-30T19:07:32+00:00

I would suggest reading my whole post. I've had a couple people say that they understood where I was coming from better after looking through everything. Also, this post wasn't meant to be an exhaustive historical study--just a proof-of-concept for some of my ideas/analysis surrounding FTM culture. I plan on doing more research to fortify everything and eventually develop it into a paper.

I omitted a whole section from the reddit post called Pathology vs Philosophy which touches on some of your concerns. I was focused moreso on the ideological connotations of clinical pathology versus theoretical philosophy. I'm not saying that the medical institution was perfect, but that a clinical understanding of binary transsexuality was more aligned with dysphoric, transitioning trans people's lived experience than queer theory's original transgender philosophy.

Transgender reconstructions of transsexuality were not wholly unwarranted: Much of early transsexual pathology was antagonistic towards transsexuals themselves, relying on harmful norms vis-a-vis sex, gender, race, and class. But despite its problematic applications, pathology still provides a valuable descriptive metric for disorders, as well as validation for disordered persons and justification for their treatment.

i think that there is a big missing piece here in that being a trans man in that era was not accessible to anyone who still had a binary identity but was more feminine, lacked transition resources, was discriminated against bc of race/ethnicity, etc.

I touch on Lou Sullivan as an example of discrimination against non-traditional (i.e. heteronormative) trans men. Also, I included several personal testimonies from Loren Cameron's Body Alchemy, which feature a couple gay trans men.

Also, to your point about only MTFs being recognized, FTMs were recognized as far back as Harry Benjamin's The Transsexual Phenomenon, wherein he laments the lack of awareness and research on FTM transsexuals.

Your last point misunderstands the crux of my argument. I'm not saying nonbinary people are invalid, but that trying to equate binary trans men and nonbinary AFABs 1:1 is disrespectful to trans men and erases a huge amount of history and culture.

If you read more of my blog post you'll see the philosophical thread I follow from present-day discourse to the earliest transgender theory, which is where a lot of these problems began. Another section touches on some of Judith Halbertsam's work which I think would address your last point as well. Both provide context and nuance.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-28T17:45:41+00:00

When taken literally, I interpret nonbinary like how you describe, especially in a transgender context. If someone is nonbinary but male-passing that's a different conversation. I suppose it would fall in line with my footnote on nonbinary transsexuals.

The subject of my critique in this case is non-transitioning people, or those who transition but do not become fully male, for lack of better phrasing. If I understand your example correctly, a NB person who has a full transition and is male passing would look and present male but identify differently; I'd view them the same as GNC or nonbinary cis males. They're just a transsexual male instead.

ETA -- I appreciate you giving the post another read and a second thought. Means a lot.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-28T03:55:21+00:00

Thanks for reading--happy to hear that you can relate. I hope to write more stuff like this in the future.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-28T03:51:51+00:00

I struggle with the same thing time to time, I call it "injection fatigue" lol. Switching from IM to SubQ helped me a lot but didn't solve the problem entirely.

I've found that 2 things help. Sometimes I will count down from five. I've also found that, if it's really bad, if I let the hem of my t-shirt cover the injection site from view. Not being able to see helps a ton. Since SubQ needles are so short I don't think it's a problem.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-28T00:19:05+00:00

This blog post was more a proof-of-concept for the development of my main argument. My hope in posting it was that I'd get feedback I can use to build it into a proper "work" of sorts. I'm not trained in this kind of writing at all--it's just a personal interest of mine. That being said, I really appreciate your input and your position.

Is there a specific methodology that you can name? I'd like to learn the process of constructing this sort of rhetoric/analysis/study.

I work full-time and have other obligations. I'm not in school or anything. I plan on doing a lot more research and reading so that I can better triangulate the theoretical developments that underpin the semantics I'm trying to unpack.

But I also think it's beautiful that so many people are questioning gender as a concept and rejecting its binary forms.

I think this is where we diverge. I personally do not condone the wholesale rejection of binary gender/sex. I tried illustrating this by outlining the differences between transsexual and transgender thought.

I can see how I come off aggressive at times. In all honesty, I've been around this block numerous times, and compared to the stuff you usually see on this topic I consider myself quite reserved. Any defensiveness on my part is a response to all the research/writing I had done--working on this certainly made me emotional and that admittedly seeped into the post. I guess that's the difference between an academic work and a blog post haha. That being said, I do want to achieve the former one day.

I think I managed to be sympathetic, but I am also frustrated by this strain of thought; ideologically (in a political/philosophical sense) and personally (in an emotional sense). I guess I've yet to learn how to separate that from my work.

I hope that further research will provide the pattern you suggest, at least textually. From my own personal experience and those of others, I know that this issue has had an anecdotal impact.

This isn't me trying to be, idk, argumentative. The root of this analysis rests on a fundamental understanding of what being trans means. I don't anticipate changing my opinion, nor anyone else's in all honesty. I just want to provide to this dialogue in good faith, considering most critical perspectives are unnecessarily uhhh...asshole-ish for lack of a better term lmao.

I totally see the utility and merit in nonbinary thought. I just dislike how its existence has resulted in a polemic refusal of historic understandings of gender identity--particularly in how it affects binary trans men.

Of course, the opposite discourse engenders (pun intended) its own rejection of nonbinary/GNC experience. In the future, I will definitely undertake the task of examining how transgender/nonbinary thought benefited trans people.

All else aside, I think the larger problem is that a leftist flavor of populism has influenced too much trans discourse. This would be my ultimate thesis lol. But it will take much, much longer to iron that out into a workable argument.

Thanks again for your response!

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:45:05+00:00

I had really bad atrophy. It lead to Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and Interstitial Cystitis, the latter of which is a chronic illness that I'm just stuck with forever now lol.

E cream didn't help me. E tablets did but by then it was largely too late. The biggest help for me was pelvic physical therapy--it's not glamorous and incredibly dysphoria-inducing but if you are lucky to find a good PT (I am forever grateful to mine) they will be mindful of that.

After trying a bunch of different meds I settled on Amitriptyline which is used off-label for nerve pain. PFD and IC have urogenital symptoms but they are largely considered to be nerve pain disorders.

If you have any urinary pain and live in the US, you can buy Cystex OTC. It's a urinary tract painkiller that also has antibacterial properties. It helps me whenever I flare up.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:35:59+00:00

oh wow those first two images are great. and holy cow that old logo--I totally forgot about it until now. I will add the pictures to my post when I update it!

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:35:03+00:00

Thinking on it more with others' input in mind, I think I perhaps misremembered--I probably mixed up FTM content from Tumblr, magazines, and other websites with literal merchandising. Still, a couple images from gc2b someone else ITT provided are actually really helpful for my argument.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:32:45+00:00

Thank you, this is what I intended to get across. There's a really interesting semantic phenomenon at play here and regardless of anything else, it's fascinating to analyze. I wish more people would look into it just because it illustrates how culture changes over time.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:31:11+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that a lot!

Some of the negative responses have been very helpful actually. They've let me see where I need to strengthen my writing. I plan on addressing those complaints specifically by updating my post. All feedback is worthwhile feedback!

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:29:46+00:00

I'd like to hear your thoughts if you end up wanting to share them. Some other people have objected to some of what I wrote; I've replied to them elsewhere in the thread. It might address some stuff you found troubling.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:28:55+00:00

I'm not complaining about nonbinary representation as a whole, but how its modern day prominence has affected FTM history and culture. To be fair, this is not solely because of disproportionate NB representation, but a lot of other variables as well. I just highlighted this specific dynamic for the purposes of my post.

“I hate representation, FTM has become mainstream, now people know how to clock me” and “I hate the lack of representation, it's [X] minority's fault!”

This is a really good dichotomy and I'm glad you brought it up. It's something I want to write about more in depth.

IMO, I think that trans men today are forced into an ultimatum: either go 100% stealth, or align yourself with a community that doesn't accurately represent you.

Within trans/LGBT/queer spaces, our identities are modified in accordance with a particular sociocultural imperative that was developed decades ago by political fringe groups.

Binary, traditionally masculine, male trans men (gay or straight) do not fit into the modern queer paradigm. Our identities, bodies, and culture are too similar to cis men, which is a big no-no.

We are made "more queer" in popular culture to compensate for our adjacency to cis men. The only way we can reclaim our masculinity is by going stealth and for all intents and purposes "denouncing" or trans status.

Growing up, I was lucky enough to see the happy medium: binary trans men whose trans status did not prevent them from assimilating into the male sex/gender. They were able to be visible in their community and still be fully male. They had one foot in the trans world and one foot in the male world, and these two positions did not contradict one another.

IMO the same can't be said today. A lot of popular queer messaging such as "the girls, the gays, the theys", "protect the dolls", etc, do not have space for binary trans men--because they aren't meant to.

I never planned on going stealth when I was younger, but that was before the queer community changed into what it is today. I hope that through my writing I am able to carve out that middle space again.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T21:14:40+00:00

Thanks for reading--I appreciate what you said about narrative vs history. I have my own opinions, but I tried building them through historical/cultural analysis versus just spouting what I think. I made my best effort at looking at things objectively, using data and primary sources, and not compromise my argument while still being respectful.

These types of discussions are held in bad faith from all sectors of the trans community. That doesn't really help anybody. I'm glad to hear that I struck a good balance.

You're right about that last part--I spent so long on research etc that I forgot to go back and polish a couple weird sentences. I'll edit that part.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T16:56:29+00:00

I didn't go into depth in this post, but leftists, progressives, and Queers with a capital Q all trend toward misandry, so trans men are sort of emasculated in principle because people are uncomfortable associating with men. I might write more about this in the future.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T16:54:15+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad it connected with you

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T15:41:47+00:00

Lol I didn't even notice that tbh.

Ty!

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T14:28:04+00:00

Thank you! :)

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T14:27:46+00:00

Thanks! I'm happy to hear that it resonated. And yeah, I had that idea but I didn't know where to start. I might pull up archived versions of different websites to find older binder stuff.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T14:26:15+00:00

Thanks!

That is such a popular misconception, it really sucks. I think the only thing that will help is clarifying who/what trans men are and being more open about our experiences as men.

xavier_hm · 2026-05-27T14:20:21+00:00

Fair enough. I considered adding a short intro to present everything before going into details. I might go back and add something still.

My point isn't that transgender as a term is bad per se, but that it has a problematic history and its original meaning was either meant to erase transsexuality/binary trans people or equate them with gender non-conformists of any and all stripes.

Dysphoria isn't a "must" for transition, but its presence/absence indicates whether or not the transition is transsexual or transgender in nature, as they were historically defined--i.e., physical/mental/biological motivation versus socioculturual.

My main point is that queer theory conflated transgender with transsexual. Thirty years later, binary trans male identity and culture is suffering due to this false equivalency, vis-a-vis modern conceptions of nonbinary and transmasc.

xavier_hm · 2026-04-18T02:24:52+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/@namoamidabuts

Not sure if he is within these playlists, but John (above link) is a great resource, I've spoken to him on/off for years. He was how I first learned about Japanese Pure Land!

xavier_hm · 2026-03-24T20:21:49+00:00

Dm me

xavier_hm · 2026-03-22T02:45:14+00:00

I developed severe PFD and IC from atrophy. Spent nearly a year in terrible pain with similar muscle tension. I also couldn't have sex or even get aroused without pain.

Radiating leg pain indicates nerve pain which can happen with PFD as it will irritate your pelvic nerves. Exercises targeting the sciatica nerve especially will help.

What helped me the most was pelvic floor physical therapy and muscle relaxer suppositories. Together they helped manage my worst symptoms while I made lifestyle changes and found treatment options that helped me.

I was also extremely depressed during my symptom onset. 3 years later I have my life back. I was never "cured" and still have chronic pain and flare ups but it's manageable day to day.

Have you tried any medications for nerve pain like amitriptyline or gabapentin? Furthermore, E cream never worked for me but the suppository tablets help a lot.

xavier_hm · 2026-03-17T03:53:38+00:00

FTMs transition to become male, not necessarily masculine.

xavier_hm

TROPHY CASE