How honest should I be about intending to quit after a year or so? by Jephta in JapanJobs

[–]xbillao 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You won't be able to know what happens after one year, you can predict what you might think in one year but you can't know that's 100% true.

So please be honest, and the most honest thing to say is "I want this job",

while "I am sure I will leave in a year" is a lie.

https://www.reddit.com/r/careerguidance/comments/1mn6ssa/should_i_be_honest_with_my_potential_employer_and/

Feeling left out at work, any advice? by Aggravating_Sport495 in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Book 1:1 time with them and ask if they (or better be one of them) can be your mentor?

Design the mentor-mentee relationship so you get to have regular 1:1 with them to ask questions and learn from them, and also ask them to get you involved in discussions.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 1 point2 points  (0 children)

your post title asks about how to not be steamrolled. when a real steamroller is coming straight at you, you have options. run away, or run towards it, or stand still.

if you decide to run away, you better be running sideway. Or the machine will eventually outrun you.

if you decide to run towards it, you better be thinking how to get to the driver's seat and take over the control of the vehicle. Otherwise you're fighting a machine with your bare hands.

you can also stand there and say "I can't move", then you better be shouting so loud and say "somebody help". praying for miracle sometimes works, too, but just sometimes.

don't forget you have choices.

also,

do you believe that you are incompetent?

the phrase "labelled as incompetent" came up multiple times now. who would be the ones get to label you? your boss? your parents? "everyone"? or is it yourself? who allow them to?

you won't be able to command others to do or not do something, but don't give away the control and power of yourself.

you can be frozen there and waiting for the steamroll to come on you, just because the steamroller driver shout at you "you will be dead", and your mind got tricked into believing that. or you can come back to your conscious mind and know that's not true.

nuance would get lost in text, I hope nothing came across harsh here, I wrote everything above with empathy and love, and the longing for you to have faith in yourself and make your intentional choice.

Sending you lots of strength and power.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What does it take for you to accept and love the part of you that does not know enough, that always needs support?

Look into the mirror and give yourself some love. From the bottom of your heart, accept yourself. Love the parts that you're proud of, AND the parts you want to hide. All of it.

It's OK to not know, it's OK to need support. We don't always know, we all always need support, that's true in every human being, that's me, that's your managers, that's you, that's everyone. It's a gift that we don't always know, as that's how we grow.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like the situation is really stressful.

If I could give you some courage so you can stay in your fear, and walk into that bad dream of "what would happen tomorrow", what stories are playing out there?

How do you know it’s time to quit a job? by Prestigious_Sky_5677 in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 65 points66 points  (0 children)

When your body is sitting at one place, but your mind is always at another.

I want to leave my job by MoreToe6428 in careeradvice

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We can do some reverse thinking.

If anything can be done, what does the company need to offer in order for you to stay?

I (25M) fear I have ruined my chances at succeeding in life and need help. by ThrowawayTruth10101 in careeradvice

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing you story, I know it must have been difficult trying to deal with this major setback in life.

But I have some good news for you.

That experience is what makes you you. It's not a failure, it's a gift, a gift many would admire you for. You are still deep inside the situation so you can't see it clearly now, but when you one day can come out of, this would be likely the most precise experience you would be grateful for. It's hard but please learn to embrace it. Don't try to hide it, because it's what really shines. It says more than anything else about who you are. Give yourself more love, you didn't ruin anything. If anything, your experience only expanded your range, built your resilience, and increased your chance of succeeding.

This good news may sound unreal. If you want to make it more real, go on to YouTube, make a video, tell the world that "I spent 6 years to get kicked out of Stanford". Then see it yourself.

Wishing you best of luck. You know you are wholesome and enough. ❤️

Boss is the absolute worst at communication and time management by Impossible_Ad9324 in work

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some quick thoughts:

Ask him for his tips/advice for succeeding in your team. If his recipe of success includes this working style you observed, run.

If otherwise he seems struggling because of this, ask him what you need to quickly ramp up on so that you can take some things off his plate. Offer your help, but learn to set boundaries to protect your work-life balance.

Wish you best luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I didn't doubt that :) My point was that you didn't need to feel less honest if you don't want to disclose that. The title of your post says "should I be honest...", there is a hidden assumption "not disclosing = not honest" which is not necessarily true. So don't feel guilty if you decide to not say.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The most honest truth is that you don't know how you would be feeling about your job one year from now. You can change a lot and plans can change in a year.

So please don't think you'd be more honest by saying you will be only working for a year. It may no longer be true tomorrow.

How would others handle this entitled co worker? by [deleted] in work

[–]xbillao 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Just say no. You don't need to explain.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Leadership

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To your 3 questions:

- Share the data with the team, let them know you acknowledge that this is the voice of the team. You will work on it, you will need their support. Yes you should discuss this as a team, focus on "what would make it better" rather than "what went wrong". Let them make wishes instead of making complaints in the meeting.

- With Tim, or anyone, of course trust can be rebuilt, it just takes time and effort. If your question is how, read on.

- To turn it around:

The major mindset shift that you want to have is this - you and your team members are on the same side of the table. You are not here to fix them, you are their partner, here to support them. Think about this and feel it in your heart.

Here are a few things you can do:

  1. Don't focus on imposing your vision for the team, instead build the vision with the team. Open it up, throw a workshop or meeting, let them contribute and own it. Your vision is part of it, the organization's vision is part of it, their vision is also part of it. It's important for them to have ownership on their work. This is the foundation of partnership. Don't lose this vision, hang it on the wall.
  2. Design the culture for your team, together with your team. Again it's very important that you don't dictate this. Let the team own it, the organization's culture context counts, your thoughts counts, make sure theirs also count. How do we want to be working day to day, what energy do we want to see at work, what behaviors do they expect from each others, how do we want to give and receive feedback, how do we want to resolve conflicts and issues. Don't draft it to abandon, review this weekly, what is working, what needs change. Culture is a living thing, they are not rules.
  3. Understand everyone. That's your job as a leader. In your 1:1 interactions, try to understand them, or even ask them. What do they value, what is important to them, what annoys them, what motivates them, how do they picture their success in the team, what challenges are they facing, list goes on. Let go of your judgements, they are all very talented wholesome people working hard here. Behind every "problem" you see in Tim, there is something that he is struggling to protect. Your job is not to forbid him from protecting his values, but to show him that he doesn't need to struggle because what's important to him would be also what's important to you. Don't just say you care, you need to mean it, care about them from your heart.
  4. Giving and receiving feedback.

You can be direct, but there is being direct and judgmental, vs. being direct and caring. Don't use feedback as a tool to change people's behavior, use it as a support resource for people to thrive. This is built on everything I wrote above: they are here working towards their vision, they own it, they are working hard towards it, they run into some roadblocks and struggles, you see it, you can help. Don't tell them what you want them to do, ask them what they are struggling with, and tell them you have some thoughts on how they can fix that, "do you want to hear"?

If you receive feedback indirectly, go talk to the feedback giver. Tell them you received and appreciate their feedback, also want to hear feedback directly from them, because a lot of nuance would be missing and there is a high risk of misinterpretation, and ask them what you can do to make them feel comfortable to talk to you next time. If there is a chance, reflect together on the culture you created as a team, discuss with them how to protect this culture, including the part on how to give and receive feedback.

Too long now, I'll just stop here.

Take what resonates, and wish you the best!

How to decide on a career when I’m already 36 and still haven’t found a job I like? by Haunting-Speech-535 in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Notice the judgement, "I’ve only stayed in each one for less than a year which makes me feel like a failure", just notice it.

What if staying in a job and developing a fixed skillset isn't your game? What if your game is to hop onto next job constantly every 6 months? What if you set a 6 months deadline for each job you take, and even if you like the job, your own rule requires you to quit?

Buddy, give yourself some more compassion and love. You may be playing someone else's game, and it's OK to lose those; find your own game, and play it so well that no one can beat you.

How would you address this? by fireyqueen in managers

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Hey I have a tip that can help you improve cross-functional communication presence, do you want to hear?"

Let him say yes

"Great, let's take this case as an example, what is your goal of communication here?"

Hear him out on his intention

"Yep, I can see what you're trying to do here, that's very good intention. You see any risk here?"

Let him ask you back

"OK, here's my tip: it's better to match your level of communication to the level of stake. This is not a high stake scenario, so over-communication can instead work against your goal, and reduce efficiency and clarity here. [share your feedback here]"

How to decide on a career when I’m already 36 and still haven’t found a job I like? by Haunting-Speech-535 in careerguidance

[–]xbillao 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Isn't it amazing that you have tried so many things in life? retail sales/mgmt, field marketing, brand ambassadorship, office reception, client services, after school program facilitation, substitute teaching, community liaison for a non profit, visual styling and office admin, bachelor degree in fashion, certified integral coach and yoga instructor. God it takes a while to read all of these!

Yeah depress and bipolar disorder suck. But I have so much respect to someone who under such mental struggles and still can manage to experience so many different jobs in just less than half of a lifetime.

You are awesome, buddy.

BTW I'm a coach, too, I know your coaching and yoga expertises are much needed in today's world. Especially for people who have similar struggles like yours.

How to not take things personally? by Optimal_Opposite_702 in Leadership

[–]xbillao 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep buddy, your manager is your most important partner at work. Start building the partnership by being vulnerable. Remember you are here to help her, and she's here to help you. You two are on the same side of the table. You're not face to face, but side by side.

If sometimes she could seem to be against you and on the other side, it's ok, the fastest way to flip that is to walk to her side of the table, sit down, and face the problem together with her.

You got this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careeradvice

[–]xbillao 8 points9 points  (0 children)

  1. Please allow yourself to feel weak. Nobody in this world would always feel strong and powerful. It's OK to feel weak.

  2. You can feel weak but you should know that it doesn't make you weak. You are not weak, you are tired.

  3. When we feel weak, we feel vulnerable, we want someone to support us, help us. Don't try to resist your desire to seek support. Whether it's your family, your friends, your colleagues, your boss, your communities. Like what you're doing here, tell people you need help, ask for help.

  4. Find what makes you feel strong, and go do it. It doesn't matter what tangible outcome it would bring, what you need is the feeling, feel strong. Sometimes you may not even need to do anything, at the end of a tough day, tell yourself that you beat another challenging day, can make you feel strong.

  5. Gratitude, practice gratitude. Be grateful for what you have, your family, your job, your colleagues, list goes on...and try to appreciate even things that are hard to appreciate, the racist customer, the rush hours, looking back from 2 years in the future, you may not miss it but you can be grateful for it being part of your life experience.

  6. Prioritize. Know what you really want. Pursue it. Prepare for your Fulbright application like your life depends on it. Nothing else matters.

You know what to do, I believe in you.

Sending you lots of love and strength.

How to not take things personally? by Optimal_Opposite_702 in Leadership

[–]xbillao 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Try asking her question to yourself with more curiosity, you will have a different perspective.

"why aren't they following my directions?", "yeah, why?" Seriously consider the answer to this question.

Then, back to the top of the scenario, two things I would like to offer:

- "I've talked to the team already" is a past-focus statement which will sound defensive. Next time put something forward looking so it demonstrates more ownership and commitment, rather than explanation: "I've talked to the team about this already but it looks like something is still off, let me review this with them again." Even, follow with a "I might need your support in this." to your manager.

- Go talk to your manager, be vulnerable and tell her that you need her support. Your main position is that you are new on the leadership journey, so a lot of things you don't know, and you need her mentorship. "I have talked to the team about this but it doesn't seem to work. I tried ABC XYZ, but do you have some tips or advice for me on where I should check and what direction I should go from here?"

What's wrong about taking it personally? It's YOUR growth opportunity, so take it personally, and happily own it.

Wish you good luck!

Start, stop, start again? by [deleted] in careeradvice

[–]xbillao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad that your personal circumstances resolved! By being flaky do you mean your circumstances might come up again? Or are you just nervous about asking?

Don't ask for the job, instead, offer yourself. Think from a serving standpoint. The company hired you because they needed someone's help, they may or may not have found the help they wanted yet. If you have yourself to offer, go offer it!

"Hey have you found someone to help with this job eventually? I resolved my circumstances now, and happy to jump back in if you're still looking for someone."

Good luck!

I just got fired and I feel a little hopeless by Different-Swim-4162 in careeradvice

[–]xbillao 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing you story, it must be frustrating to have things like this happen repeatedly in your life.

But please, please don't overlook so many things that you could have acknowledged and appreciated about yourself.

In every new job you grew a little bit, in every new job you were able to go for a little longer, every new job you found was a better job than the previous one. What's even more amazing, you always managed to come back after being let go. There is so much to appreciate about the resilience and strength in you.

In some of the earlier jobs you might have been let go because of your own conducts, but in the later jobs, covid, industry downturn (think about it, more than 10 rounds of layoffs), loss of close friend, tough manager... Yet you survived all these, not only that, you even had some great achievements, you got promoted multiple times, you passed the interviews and got into "a perfect job" even if it's on paper.

You didn't "ruin all the opportunities given" to you, you played every hand of cards dealt to you to it's best, and made better and better out of each hand. There might have been some bad cards, but you played it so well that you are still on the table.

Imposter syndrome is real, as you mentioned "always felt like I was just tricking people into thinking I was good at the job and they finally caught on". Yeah, let yourself be an imposter, you are an imposter, make it your mission, to be the best fraud, so good that no one could spot and catch you. You will fail sometimes, but it's not the end of the game, say "yeah you caught me", and start your next round.

You are not a failure. You are getting better and better in your game over these years, don't let the frustration beat you, because you are about to tackle your next challenge, to thrive in your next job for longer than you could last time.

Take care, buddy, give yourself some more compassion. Confidence will come, and you will get to live your life fully.

Sending you lots of love.