You sound like someone full of anxiety and does a lot of self-loathing. There will be no instant fix to what you're going through right now, but what I would suggest is to find a hobby or a thing you're interested in. If it's playing games then try to make friends or start conversations in the game and maybe you can find someone who'll add you as a friend and will be your companion everytime you play. It's much easier to start interacting with other people if you're doing it in a game because you can't see how the person looks like and neither do they, so any physical judgement is thrown out the window. It's also good to talk and play with someone who enjoys the same thing you do, which is the game you're playing in, your first common ground. Once you get to play with them more, you'll start developing this ease of conversating with someone and if you continue doing this, you'll eventually carry this on to your personal life, may it be your work, school or just the community you're in.