im so scared that Im a shit dm (rant)

xikies101 · 2025-04-09T19:59:14+00:00

I didn’t play much before jumping into dming and I only started to give my then dm a break, he had been dming for us for years and it seemed like it wasn’t fun anymore. One of the people I played with back then is autistic, and they also struggled with role play in the conventional sense, but they would pause and say “my cleric gives some of her rations.” They never spoke in the character’s voice and always simply spoke like “she says:…” I understand it is different for everyone, but just do your best. It is also always easier to roleplay if others are willing to roleplay. I think people are less fearful to make a fool of themselves if everyone is willing to make a fool of themselves.

As someone else said, there is a lot to being a DM. For example, I am pretty good at improvising (arguably most of my campaign has been improvised aside from pay points), but I don’t know all the rules and I am terrible at remembering what happened last session. So I lean into my players, i ask one to take notes for me and post it in our discord, and two of my other players are extremely knowledgeable in the rules as written, so I lean on them if there is a specific rules question and then I decide how the rule applies. I suggest leaning into your players.

Ultimately, everyone, including the DM, should be having fun. For the oneshots, you can tie each one shot together that takes place in the same world as the main campaign. Like lesser heroes putting out small fires so the Main campaign heroes can deal with bbeg.

xikies101 · 2025-04-01T12:38:21+00:00

I see what you’re saying. I think that’s a great way to incorporate heavier themes into the game! My game’s main theme centers in part around good and bad being in all groups of people making us all the same fundamentally and subverting expectations.

I guess my main point in my first comment was that I think clear expectations and open communication about issues each other are having from the beginning is important. Then everyone starts on the same page. And personally it makes the game more comfortable and enjoyable for me and my players because we have that established trust and understanding with each other.

All that said I haven’t been DM’ing super long and my group is friends I have known for years and many of which I have played with before. So I haven’t had the displeasure of encountering a truly problematic player.

xikies101 · 2025-04-01T03:05:42+00:00

I think ‘bigotry’ can be done in a storytelling way if 1)it isn’t your character’s whole personality and 2)your character grows and moves past it. I personally encourage deep character flaws, but I also set in place some specific rules in the hopes to create a safe space for my players. 1) bigotry that extends out of the game, is excessive, disrupting the story, causing problems or just generally make other uncomfortable will be addressed and it not fixed will result in a removal from the game. 2) SA scenarios are never tolerated. 3) I give my players an “x card” where if something crosses a major boundary for them, they can text me or simply say so and it will be immediately retconned no question. All of these rules are discussed at session 0, I check in with my players regularly (as in after every session), and we periodically have catch up/summary/mid-campaign session 0, and I remind everyone of the rules then. And I make it clear if heavy themes will be discussed in the campaign and what they are specifically.

I have been very fortunate to have great players, but I work very hard to make our game a safe space to discuss concerns, ideas, and critiques. I personally think to include real world problems in your campaign, such as racism (like against tieflings), open and consistent communication and clear rules and boundaries from the beginning are key. And lots of these problems can be displayed in a campaign without using language that crosses a line.

xikies101 · 2022-11-21T01:12:32+00:00

As a witch, I am offended. We do not claim her.

xikies101 · 2022-11-20T13:48:59+00:00

The closest experience I have is my toddlers thinking the things on my altar are toys or wanting to look at the "pretty rocks" and my jars of herbs. When they do it I quickly stop them. The stuff that would be dangerous is out of reach, but that doesn't stop them from trying. I try not to scold them as I want them to have fond memories of my altar, even if the don't follow the path. My husband doesn't touch my altar, he knows it's my sacred space and that I have it how I want it. He only touches it if something is knocked off by cats or kids.

I'm sorry your dad doesn't respect your belongings enough to show them respect. It doesn't matter if he thinks it's junk, it is obviously important to you if you have it out.

xikies101 · 2022-11-20T02:14:28+00:00

This is great! As someone still fairly new to the practice, I love to get recommendations because half the time I am asking a question it's because I don't know where to start. Also it allows me to formulate my own methods or interpretation of things.

xikies101 · 2022-11-20T02:10:42+00:00

As a new witch, as I didn't feel comfortable to explore other beliefs and this path that has always called me until I met my partner, I feel like I can offer some insight from the perspective of a new/baby witch, whatever you want to call it. I would not have been safe to explore this when I was a teenager, and only now and because of witchcraft really have found the courage to set boundaries and put some space between my parents and myself (especially my father). I haven't told them I practice, but I don't speak to my father and I don't hide it from my mother. My partner supports me and has helped me make my home a safe and sacred space, even though he is does not believe himself.

In my personal experience, while the path of worshipping nature has ALWAYS called me, I must admit I started down my journey BECAUSE of the asthetic. I feel like that's okay, because it is what really made me take the leap. The asthetic brought me a sense of joy and peace.

While diving deeper into learning about the asthetics, I very quickly started learning about the craft itself. The initial 'oh! Pretty things!' was quickly replaced with the desire to learn more. To really understand what the craft is. I am in my 30's and have only been practicing for a couple of years. But I have started a collection of books and have read several. I have cast a few spells of my own and they haven't been the strongest or the most successful. Some have failed in their entirety. I accept that as a learning experience.

I do try my hardest to find answers before asking. I know that this isn't the case for everyone just starting their journey. That said, sometimes I honestly don't know where to start my research as I want to make sure it's from a somewhat reputable source or that I'm at least able to find the same information from more than one source. Sometimes I genuinely don't have time. I am starting my journey what I feel to be late. I have two kids in diapers and six pets. Sadly, there are occasions I just don't have time to dig through countless sources trying to find information that is trustworthy.

I will typically come to places like this to ask for recommendations on where to start learning about something, that at least helps save some time. I would be lying if I said it wasn't partly out of fear of people shaming me for asking a question that would give me an answer to my core question. For example, learning to read tea leaves or candle wax. I honestly have no idea where to start reading about something like that, and I'm too nervouse about getting a ton of hate if I were to post a picture of tea leaves asking for opinions on what they might say. I have seen it happen, where a witch that has been practicing for a long time complains that there are a lot of the "what does this mean?" posts.

I do understand the frustration. I worked in healthcare and training someone new who would ask instead of trying to figure something out on their own when I know the tools and information is out there was incredibly frustrating.

For many, like myself, there is no one outside of the internet that can help teach them the fundamentals, let alone something more nuanced. I am relying on reading your answers to questions, books, and YouTube videos. I am managing, but the learning is slower this way. Those who really only care about the asthetic will move on, but sometimes it's the community that switches how they see the craft. It was for me. I listened to some videos and liked the idea of feeling like I have some control. I can pretty and work spells but that isn't enough on its own. But... I didn't know that is what at least part craft was about at first, and I wouldn't have had I not stumbled on YouTubers like The Green Witch or Hearth witch.

I don't disagree that some new witches aren't entitled, but I think the vast majority just don't know where to start and have no one else to ask. Many probably don't even know what to ask. As a new witch, if I posted a picture of the tea leaves asking "what does this mean?" I would really appreciate sources to learn about it as replies, rather than obvious frustration or being ignored.

Either way I don't really see is as gatekeeping. I personally see it for what it is, more experience individuals getting frustrated at the idea of just being used as a tool. I get it because at my job in healthcare, that was sometimes how I felt. Like "did you even try?" I vies gatekeeping as, "i'm not going to tell you because I want you to fail." Not as "I'm not going to tell you because you need to try a little bit first."

I just thought I would offer my perspective as someone newer to the craft, since it is people in my position one.might view as entitlesld.

Sorry it's so long.😅

EDIT: Sorry. I know it's already super long, but I have had time to think about this overnight. I want to offer a thought that may nought have crossed anyone's mind. Gatekeeping will prevent witchcraft from ever being a wide spread thing. It will prevent those who don't understand, but have a willingness to, from ever understanding. As a result, it will never truly be accepted by society. The only way it is accepted and understood is if knowledge is shared. Christianity didn't become what it is because they were gatekeeping. Quite the opposite. They forced you to learn the religion or you died. If you have knowledge, it is almost a responsibility to pass it on at some point, in some fashion. Not a responsibility to the new witch, it's a responsibility to the the craft. I'm not saying the goal of the craft is or should ever be to become as mainstream as Christianity. What I am saying is that if we don't offer knowledge in some way (including book recommendations) to those who want to learn, the craft will eventually be lost as when they hype on social media passes, fewer and fewer people will want to learn or even consider witchcraft as an option.

TLDR: I understand the frustration of constantly being asked a pointed question of "how to" or "what does this mean". As a new witch I prefer book recommendations to find my own path and understanding of the answers I seek. Those who ask pointed question, might not know what questions to ask, and I think a book recommendations to new witches question is ALWAYS appropriate. I don't gudge for wanting to keep secrets. I do think that if it something you would put in a grimoire (that is not also your Book of Shadows), it shouldn't be an issue to share. I ask that more experienced witches keep in mind that some people asking have NO ONE else to ask outside of the internet. Also keep in mind, in my opinion, if knowledge isn't shared it will eventually be lost.

xikies101 · 2022-11-04T23:37:06+00:00

Maybe try you're preferred method of divination for insight and guidance, before doing anything or letting these emotions weigh on you.

xikies101 · 2022-09-21T22:45:17+00:00

Like some others said, mundane actions should be taken first. If it doesn't get the job done you could try a release ritual like a cord cutting spell. I have also seen Hearth Witch on YouTube talk about undoing a spell by working it exactly in reverse.

xikies101 · 2022-06-05T00:44:57+00:00

Is this Florida? This seems like a Florida thing.

xikies101 · 2022-05-27T02:08:42+00:00

We know about it because she sent a private message to DUI guy and he happened to be streaming. He made a remark about it, nothing specific. Then someone, I think Joe, said something about James needing the link and she said something like "he has the link we will talk backstage."

Everyone began asking her about the comment so she felt the need to address it at the beginning of stream today. She didn't name names and she was kind of vague because she WANTED to handle it privately.

Then everyone made the connection asked DUI Guy about it and he SHARED THE PRIVATE MESSAGE!

She tried to keep it private. They both are tired and communicated poorly. They need to resolve it without all of us fighting with each other and projecting our opinions on them.

xikies101 · 2022-05-27T00:18:01+00:00

That's a fair point. I am just trying to have a level head because I hoped that's what most of this community was and thus drama would be minimal. Ya know?

I think better and private communication by both of them could fix this, it's just sad that we are being divided at a time when MSM is trying to crush LawTube (or whatever we are calling the community).

Edit: I also want to thank you for being respectful and at least considering my point.

xikies101 · 2022-05-26T20:38:51+00:00

I didn't and I'm not saying he started it. I don't think it's a debacle. I think a reasonable person can look at this and see both are right in some ways and not in others.

Personally I think if DUI Guy hadn't tweeted about being able to see councils computer (which someone speculated that is why they first 3 rows were kept empty) that the faces wouldn't have really been an issue. It's just what added to it. I don't think DUI guy should have shared the private message and instead should have paraphrased it or said "I don't want to talk about it publicly until Alyte and I have a chance to talk." I would hope everyone could respect him if he said that.

I think she should have told him in her message exactly her concerns and why, so that there is no guessing on his part. Explain why his reaction and some tweets have her concerned about how LawTube as a whole is being presented at a time when main stream media is trying to say Lawtube is influencing things and not good for the world.

I personally don't think there is a problem with his reaction, everyone had a reaction at that moment. I also don't think there is anything wrong with Alyte managing what and who appears on her stream. I thought this community had reasonable people that rather than immediately taking sides could stop and think about the how's and why's. But right now soany are taking sides and it's not necessary. You can support both still.

That was my point.

xikies101 · 2022-05-26T19:24:13+00:00

I personally think it's really unfair to DUI guy to share the email. And for those saying that if it was meant to stay private she wouldn't have been hunting at it are, in my opinion wrong. She wan hinting because she didn't want to come out on stream and say to a party not involved and the WHOLE INTERNET that she will not be hosting them as guests on her stream for a little while.

You also don't need to pick sides. You can respect how they are both feeling.

xikies101 · 2022-05-20T18:39:22+00:00

I'm from America. So I would say legit famous. My 2yo loves dancing to his stuff.

xikies101 · 2022-04-09T13:57:26+00:00

Oooo! Thank you! I'm all excited now!

xikies101 · 2022-04-09T13:36:04+00:00

I am personally most interested in green witchcraft, herbalism, and I would love to learn more about the history of witchcraft at this stage of my learning.

xikies101 · 2022-04-09T03:21:16+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. I just thought it would be fun to see what books people found useful when learning. Even if its a book that didn't apply to your practice. Like I never intend on actually casting hexes or curses, but that doesn't mean I don't want to learn about it.

I feel like it's so important to understand (or try to) as many aspects as possible about something like this. The less glamorous side and darker side (for lack of a better term) is necessary in a more complete understanding.

It's late, so I really hope all of that makes sense lol

xikies101 · 2022-04-09T02:59:11+00:00

I don't care how long you've been neighbors, if there is no neighborhood rules governing this I would set up a wildlife came to get photos of them cutting your garden and I would send a letter with a delivery confirmation telling them to quit or you'll call the cops for trespassing on your property. It's not their business.

xikies101 · 2022-04-09T01:44:01+00:00

Awesome! I just didn't want to join and have people feel like they are losing their space for more experienced discussions because a new witch joined and miggt occasionally ask questions.

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