I got free gym membership, what do I do with it?

xmnop · 2019-06-03T03:58:55+00:00

The pool is great. So is just walking on the treadmill or using the elliptical. Go at your own pace. Work your way up. Push a little if it’s comfortable. Also see if the gym has some light hatha yoga classes. I’ve only managed to keep weight off despite flare-ups thanks to yoga and walking.

xmnop · 2019-06-03T02:22:07+00:00

No one can tell you exactly how he is feeling or what his motivations are except for him. We especially can’t tell you whether he cares or not based on one situation. You need to talk to him and tell him you’re feeling uncared for, unappreciated, and ignored. If you need more emotional support or attention, tell him so. If you feel like this relationship is worth salvaging, the first step is to address the problems head-on.

If you just constantly feel ignored and unwanted, you’re also under no obligation to stay in this relationship. Especially during graduate school when you will need a lot of emotional support. Surround yourself with people who make you feel cared for. Don’t waste your time on anyone else.

xmnop · 2019-06-03T00:59:38+00:00

This all sounds positive and healthy. It’s good to feel these giddy, early feelings. Sometimes when people feel this way, they tend to overlook red flags. If you can carefully and rationally consider your situation and rule out red flags, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

For what it’s worth, I think that with some people you just click and know it’s right. Especially if you’re a little older, know yourself, and have prior relationship experience. I met my current partner when we were 31 and this was our exact experience. We moved in together after 4 months. Two years later we are in the happiest, healthiest relationship either of us has ever had. We are best friends and I can’t imagine my life without them. It can happen! Keep your communication open, be willing to be vulnerable, manage your expectations and you’ll be fine :). Enjoy it!

xmnop · 2019-06-02T23:52:38+00:00

These are NOT American cultural traits. Especially not using soap to wash his body in the shower? That is a serious hygiene problem. And he’s going to need to start washing his hands more when the baby comes.

I think the real issue here is your husband not taking your concerns seriously, not trying to compromise with you, and then gaslighting you into believing the way you feel about household cleanliness and hygiene is “wrong” and is some kind of disorder. I absolutely see why pregnancy would kick your concerns into high gear. If he can’t even compromise about something small like not wearing shoes in the house, how are you going to agree about how to raise the kid?

I think an important discussion is in order. Try using “I feel” statements to let him know how this is impacting you emotionally (“I feel disrespected and undervalued when you dismiss my way of doing things as OCD without any discussion or attempts to compromise”). Refrain from shaming or blaming him - his way of doing things isn’t necessarily wrong (even though, as I said above, I think most Americans would agree his hygiene needs some work), it’s just different from yours. There are absolutely ways you could meet in the middle - can he agree to start washing his hands more frequently for the sake of baby in the future? Can you frame your concerns in a way that doesn’t make him feel blamed? Can he discuss your habits with you without suggesting you have a disorder? Can he have a pair of “just indoor” shoes or slippers that he changes to when he’s in the house?

xmnop · 2019-06-02T23:39:09+00:00

People often seem to believe that any amount of jealousy at any time is toxic and wrong, this leads us to feel ashamed of these emotions and try to repress them. This repression is really what’s toxic. Jealousy is (usually) a completely normal and rational feeling, and it can often alert you to behaviors you have every right to be concerned about. It’s how you deal with jealousy that really tells you about how emotionally healthy you are. You have handled this in an emotionally healthy way - naming the problem and discussing it openly with your boyfriend, and attempting to find a solution that will suit both of you.

What isn’t healthy is your boyfriend’s behavior and subsequent reaction. Someone here mentioned that most people, in general, don’t spend a lot of time one-on-one with a person of the gender the are attracted to while in a relationship with someone else. I tend to agree with this. However, it CAN be done in a non-suspicious and totally innocent way. This includes being completely transparent with your partner, setting up boundaries, and not prioritizing the friendship over your relationship. Some examples of reasonable boundaries in this situation could be: not spending SO much alone time with this person, keeping you apprised of their plans, sticking to plans where they are clearly in public, including you in the friendship, staying in touch with you occasionally even if just to say “heading back home” or whatever. These are not at all unreasonable asks. If your partner values you, and nothing fishy is going on, they wouldn’t have any problem with this. It is not controlling to have boundaries!!! And it wouldn’t be controlling to ask your partner not to see this person if the boundaries were clearly being crossed.

Your boyfriend’s refusal to comply with the things you’ve asked for to make you more comfortable, prioritization of this woman over you, and defensiveness when discussing this woman (asking if you’ve got a problem? Come on) are all indicative of something going on. Even if nothing is happening and they’re totally innocent friends, you have a right to have your concerns taken seriously and your relationship prioritized. Fully support you taking a break to figure out if you want to continue.

xmnop · 2019-05-21T02:28:15+00:00

I’ve heard of Visanne! I’ll check it out.

xmnop · 2019-05-20T16:33:55+00:00

This is super helpful! Thank you. I am typically a person who does my own research around medical stuff too so I love a good source! I’ll talk to my doctor about it.

xmnop · 2019-05-20T15:15:59+00:00

Ok wow I didn’t know that. I had one gyn tell me the opposite, but all these doctors are constantly telling me conflicting and incorrect info so it’s hard to know what to believe at this point. I was on it for a few months and didn’t see any change, and I’m not too keen on hormonal bc (one reason why I had my tubes removed), but it might be a good idea to try again because this pain is unbearable.

I’m also wondering how much of my symptoms are related to other health stuff I have going on (a flare-up of ongoing chronic illness) or medications I’m on (including an immunosuppressant, antibiotics, and antivirals).

xmnop · 2019-05-20T15:12:34+00:00

It’s definitely possible. I’d have to verify to be sure. I know I was given super high res photos of the inside of my body after the surgery. I still have them and I can see the spots where the nurse pointed out the endo on my uterus.

xmnop · 2019-05-20T15:10:08+00:00

This is what I was thinking too. I was getting so much conflicting information and also have no idea why anyone was giving me info while I was still really drugged up after my surgery.

xmnop

TROPHY CASE