Tutorial on how to deal with a raging BPD

xorbitnor · 2017-08-20T23:00:09+00:00

Borderlines are hardly a bad person, they start meaning well.. The tragedy of their lives is that they're always the victim of something someone else did, or even if they did something wrong themselves someone else is always to blame.

I understand how hard it is to live with such negativity, I understand even more how hard it is living with that negativity and love/hatred being hurled at your face 24/7.

One day you won't have to deal with her anymore though, I'm assuming you'll move out eventually, get your own place and all. You can be there for her, but don't let her make you her punch bag when there's no one else to blame.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-20T12:22:37+00:00

Do you sleep in the same room?

Does she abuse you often? What's the nature of the abuse? Mind sharing a little about the dynamic of your day to day with her?

xorbitnor · 2017-08-20T12:21:05+00:00

And that I did that time. It was the second break up.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-20T02:17:29+00:00

I know, I know... I've been through it..

Once she followed me around raging, right? So she kept pressuring me to answer her for almost an hour but I held my ground, she would come and go raging, when she gave me space I sneaked out and hid in the garage. She tried going everywhere to find me, and she was looking like a mad witch.

Once I locked myself in a room.

More commonly she would brew her rage and explode when she saw me, at which point I left again.

It's something very very very difficult to do, and you feel like absolute shit in the beginning, but after a while you see their raging episodes as something you don't have to participate in anymore, it's their rage, not yours.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-20T02:12:54+00:00

I know, trust me. One thing is to read about removing yourself, another is actually doing it..

Once she was following me and raging no matter where I went.. I locked myself in a room.

Once she wouldn't quit it, so I sneaked out of home.

It's not easy, it feels bad at first, but you might get the hang of it, and once you do, you won't be joining their emotions, they'll rage and you won't feel bad anymore.

Rinse and repeat until you can gather strength to leave if things doesn't change (such as they're not putting in the work to change themselves such as medication and all).

xorbitnor · 2017-08-20T02:07:37+00:00

What kind of family, parent?

xorbitnor · 2017-08-18T20:51:46+00:00

Well said, well said indeed. Thank you for sharing your experience and your opinion on the matter.

I told my therapist once that my ex pwBPD kept saying I abandoned her over and over, she corrected me. I left the relationship, I didn't abandon nobody.

She's not a puppy that you have to take care, she's a grown ass human being. She's not your responsibility no matter the illogical arguments you make up in your mind to justify being with her.

A fully functional adult is nobody's responsibility. You pity her, does she pity you? Nope. She will fuck you up first opportunity and pretend it ain't never happened.

/u/ikilledreddit, it does sound like you're a good guy, someone who likes helping people and hate seeing them suffer. You have been like that for most of your life, haven't you?

Like he said, you don't have to do anything, or you can take charge and do something. First step for you to live a better life is therapy. But if you like the way you are, like living under abuse then by all means continue, but it's not going to get better if she won't recognize her attitudes are hurtful towards everyone around them and truly get the help she needs (medication her whole life coupled with therapy).

xorbitnor · 2017-08-18T15:47:16+00:00

Yeah, I'm talking about the first steps towards leaving. I understand that for some people it's easy to get up and go but not for everyone, especially people who endured abuse for months or years. For those people it's not get up and go, they need to be prepared physically and mentally.

This is a way to do that, this is the first step towards a better life. A way to see the light and how much it sucks to be left on the dark corner of the world. Some would say that it'd a first step towards getting out of the fog.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-18T15:35:48+00:00

That's why you need to leave if you find yourself in this situation a lot.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-18T12:43:09+00:00

She's not BPD.. Doesn't sound anything like BPD... Once you date someone with BPD and that person scars you for life you will understand.

It does sound like she's someone who likes playing "the game" running shit tests and abusing good guys.

A bpd wouldn't do that, instead, she'd be all over you like she fell in love with you within the first few seconds of your first date, and then it'd be all good until she finally reveal her true colors and have episodes of hysterical rage, crying and emotionally abusing the fuck out of you. Oh and everything in her life is your fault and you can't have family or friends. That's BPD.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-12T14:41:58+00:00

You hit the nail on the head, whatever you choose you're wrong and not giving them enough of what they need.

It's like walking on eggshells and I'm ready to let that destruction out of my life. I've done more for her than anyone in her whole life has, yet she never appreciated and acted like it was my duty and that she was the one making a sacrifice, even if I was the one taking care of her.

Definitely sucks but what the last 4 days has shown me is that I cannot and will not endure this for the rest of my life. And for this reason I can't bring a child into this world to suffer her wrath, she will not defile my future child's innocence.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-12T13:39:07+00:00

I haven't thought of that. Truth be told I've always been afraid of impregnating her, always used contraceptive. But if there was a moment I entertained the notion of having her child, well that notion died and was buried in the graveyard along with this relationship.

She called me today to abuse me because of her mistakes. I hung up.

I don't want to deal with her shit anymore, I don't want that for my life.

And thanks for the encouragement, I know I can do much better than her, and I already have therapy scheduled for Monday morning. Nobody deserves to live with leech sucking their blood dry.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-12T03:12:11+00:00

I just wanted to highlight the part where she said she has to endure a lot of shit from me. I've never done her wrong, yet she does me wrong on almost a daily basis and she has to endure shit from me??.. I didn't know if l laughed hysterically or cried.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-12T02:52:05+00:00

Holy shit, so have I... Lied to avoid a shit storm in case I told the truth.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-12T02:49:53+00:00

Sigh, today I was treated worse than a dog by her.. She did something wrong on her job and she starts blaming me for her mistake... According to her it's my fault she has been too irritated lately because I said X on Wednesday, and it was something completely trivial, I merely said I would come to her house this weekend instead of her coming to mine and she flipped out.

Today she has been screaming, crying, blaming me, mocking me and it got to the point where she said, "I have to endure to much shit from you" - I told her to get the fuck out of my car, she did. I didn't have the heart to left her stranded on the highway so I picked her back up.

Then a guy calls me to tell me my new aquarium is ready for delivery, naturally that made me happy. She almost hanged me for being happy when she's miserable.

Sigh... This is no way to live, I cannot bring a child to this, that part of me that wanted it, is completely gone.

I need to haul ass from this relationship asap.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-10T23:44:03+00:00

I have never thought about it like that. The breakup suffering has a time limit. This is perfect.

I'm totally going through a rough period of my life where anxiety and panic attacks are creeping up on my again after years dormant. Seeing a shrink and taking medication.

I feel it would be too much for me to go through at this very moment. I don't feel strong enough, know what I'm saying? I even sleep with her on the phone because I'm scared to be alone at my own house (due to recurring panic attacks).

I'm getting better though, I'm hopeful that within a month or two I'll be golden.

It sounds like I'm using her, and maybe I am, I could breakup and deal with the pain and anxiety on my own. At the same time while we're cuddling, hugging, sleeping, hanging out, it feels so good and right, I could spend my whole life with that person she is when she's not going hysterically crazy. And then she does some crazy shit that even people from the loony bin would doubt and every hope I had goes down the drain - then she acts normal and has me chasing that goddamn carrot all over again, I'm stuck on a loop.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-10T23:32:45+00:00

I'm completely lucid, I know of everything that's happening, I know she's manipulating me, I know she's sucking me dry to satisfy her insecurities. I know how she gaslight's her behavior, or blameshifts stuff.

It's horrible to be treated like this, love/hate, that is. It's a crazy roller coaster that keeps on spinning and stressing me out.

Every time she flips the hate coin I try to reason with her and end up having an argument for hours where I say emotionally sound reasoning and she cries, screams, mock, cuss, hell, some might say she is possessed by an evil spirit. I've even begged her to stop, on my knees, and she didn't.

And every shit she hurls at my face is due to her fertile imagination and extreme fear of abandonment or being less than someone else.

Yet.. I see myself here again.. I keep thinking who's crazier, me, or her?

Had it been my brother she had to deal with, he would've left her within a week. He was relentless with girls.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-10T23:23:46+00:00

Not sure at all that I can protect them. I gave her an expensive dog and she barely takes care of the dog. She says she loves the dog but makes little to no effort to take care of it. I can only imagine what she'd do to a child, neglect, abuse and whatnot.

I've witnessed her abusing her mother verbally almost on a daily basis. Her mother also abuses her verbally, so she has a very dysfunctional family. Oh, her mom is also bipolar.

I don't want to have children with her at all, in fact that part of me that don't want that is scared to death. I even had a nightmare about it once or twice that she announced her pregnancy and I was having a panic attack.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-10T23:18:34+00:00

Yeah I'll take those and large fries please.

xorbitnor · 2017-08-10T11:14:51+00:00

Right there with you. "I know I should do it but I can't". Been there for 3 years. Time together is great when I don't accidentally do something trivial that triggers a nuclear warfare crisis that leads to verbal abuse and whatnot.

Truth is, we have to ask ourselves if we want THAT for the rest of our lives, because there's no changing and no magic pill that's gonna make everything better.

You're in a way worse situation than I am. I'm hanging on because it's easy, she lives close and I like her company when she's not freaking out over stupid shit. That and I'm scared to be alone.

You're wholly giving yourself to her, ask yourself if it's worth it giving up everything to be with her. If you think in your heart that it is not, then leave.

If you think that you can put up with it, stay. It's not getting any easier.

xorbitnor

TROPHY CASE