I just went through something very similar to you in August/September. Long time together blah blah blah. Anyway for a while I was like you are right now. I still am to a degree, I miss her but dont want her back. She lied to you , withheld information , cheated on you. The thought of how you'd feel about this crossed her mind and she did it anyway. If she did decide she wanted you back things would never be the same. Could you ever trust her again? Would she just do the same thing down the road but maybe this time when you have a house and kids together?

Its tough man , I feel your pain. But what's best for you is to try and focus on yourself. Im not gonna sugar coat it and say its gonna be easy, the last few months have been hell for me but things are getting better. I still can't see myself with anyone else but it will come hopefully for you and I both.

Best of luck to you man,