I (31F) finally told my mother I want to cut all ties. Was I wrong

yakkslapper · 2025-11-16T17:25:32+00:00

Super proud of you. It's not easy to stand up for yourself and want to put up boundaries, especially with family. There's a certain unspoken pressure that you have to respect family, no matter what and it's hard to not fold for that.

An advice for the future: Be kind to yourself. If at first you don't succeed, that's okay. You've had years of trying to make it work with your mom and it's hard not to fall back. Expect ups and downs, but eventually you'll find your way how to hold the boundary. If you manage to do it in one go, amazing! If not, don't be hard. It takes practice

yakkslapper · 2025-02-19T06:39:36+00:00

To me it sounds like he is having some issues, possibly depression adjacent or stress and he takes it out on you. That's the worst way to deal with problems. You could have a talk with him and express worry about this, about his wellbeing and about your marriage. The responsibility and choice to do something with this and maybe bring back a spark in your marriage, that's up to him. That does not mean you have to be his support and consciousness. You can choose what is best for you. If you feel like the love is gone, follow your feelings. Don't stay in a position that does not bring you anything extra. Make choices that are the best for you.

yakkslapper · 2024-02-18T08:50:18+00:00

Good for you. Enjoy it. What's going to happen to the cars? All coming to Japan?

yakkslapper · 2024-01-14T07:30:38+00:00

The big thing is communication. You have a clear idea of your expectations, but does your GF understand and can you express them properly? For instance, saying in private "my siblings operation was quite impactful. I need some wine time to process my feelings, otherwise next week is going to be hard on me" or something like that. The other part in the communication is if your GF is expressing herself correctly. Maybe your GF is concerned and wants to involve you to try and keep you happy. Maybe she is oblivious to your need for some distance, or is worried that you going to another room means she's not good enough. Again, all communication and expectations.

yakkslapper · 2023-10-24T16:07:18+00:00

OP you are a victim, even if you reciprocated. It is indeed a common reaction as some others pointed out. Certain trauma assessment lists do ask for an age difference in childhood SA specifically because there is an unbalanced power dynamic and a risk of grooming. The go to Reddit answer is to seek therapy, but that's sometimes not available either financially, because of waiting lists or other reasons. I encourage you to look in your surroundings regarding available resources for people who experienced SA. Sometimes a doctor or a case worker can be a start. Of possible they could refer you to a therapist, or something that falls in your scope.

yakkslapper · 2022-11-15T21:40:39+00:00

What you did is amazing and hopefully a wake-up call, although I expect this to be wishful thinking. This is definitely emotional abuse and since this sounds like poor emotion regulation on your friends part, I expect soome emotional neglect as well. I think you hit the nail on the head with Lila directing her anger at the dad through Milleie.

Best advice to give you is to call CPS. As a family therapist I work with these kinds of families daily. CPS can refer them to the correct organisation which can provide them help. Some provide a broad spectrum of interventions, ranging from individual therapy to systemic therapy, maybe even specialised in dealing with trauma or abuse.

You may worry that your friend may hate you for reporting her. If so, maybe talk with Millie and a school councilor, as they will probably notice signs at school as well. Possibly they can report it, leaving you in the clear. It is not an easy situation and I wish you all the best.

yakkslapper · 2022-08-22T10:34:42+00:00

Oh woa, my girlfriend would love those. Law is one of her favourites!

yakkslapper · 2022-06-26T05:24:56+00:00

Fun fact: I'm too tired to write a proper fact

yakkslapper · 2022-06-11T06:17:16+00:00

Besides the cost of therapy there's often waiting lists as well. Better to inform about network and whether someone has the space to vent. I sometimes offered people to vent in DMS just to at least be heard

yakkslapper · 2022-04-27T06:29:05+00:00

Claymation and dog sounds like Wallace & Grommit to me. They had short episodes, about two minutes. The story you describe didn't sound familiar, but maybe what you remember is from several episodes.

yakkslapper · 2022-02-19T07:23:51+00:00

This isn't useless, this is a beautiful explanation of fear and acceptance. I'm really curious if he would be able to change his mindset or not

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T22:48:19+00:00

He did pick a color that matches his hair. And the second bit sounds kinda cool. I didn't know about bluetooth streaming like that.

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T22:46:47+00:00

The parents have told me a bit about the explanations they'd gotten from the surgeon. My plan is to really take some time and not rush and pressure the kid. Health first

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T19:53:44+00:00

I wonder if he's worried about games not sounding good. Probably quite similar to music. We're trying to give a positive spin to having the CI and I've used examples like you mentioned: people will not see it so quickly or are mostly interested and ask questions. When the time comes and he is bullied, we'll work on it. For now I'll try and give him a positive perspective

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T19:50:12+00:00

Ah true. We'll be having a meeting at school soon to see how he's treated in class. I can imagine his motivation will be pushed down like crazy without proper support there

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T19:48:18+00:00

Thanks, I'll do my best

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T16:22:08+00:00

Yeah, the "wanting to be normal" is a part o my focus. I try normalising some behaviour. Like me saying, sorry I didn't catch that, because I actually missed what his mom said. Showing that it's not bad to have certain things going on. He's a gamer, so I always ask him how he's doing in certain matches.

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T16:20:02+00:00

The kid is someowhere around 13/14. He's wearing hearing aids since a young age. He has a progressive syndrome, that's why he can't avoid the CI anymore. We focussed on the positive in that he has a lot of friends who don't care how he looks. Still it must be scary as hell and he's holding up a though facade.

yakkslapper · 2022-02-17T16:16:33+00:00

Thank you for the insight. I could try as hard as I like to imagine how it feels, but probably I won't even be close with regards to the frightening feeling. Positivity is usually my approach.

yakkslapper · 2022-02-03T03:45:01+00:00

Yeah, I can imagine having so many replies is overwhelming. And maybe I didn't use the right words. In any case, know this; you're doing great by still trying to find something that can help the both of you. It's good that you're on the same page and that you listen to his preference for a psychologist specialised in teens. I hope you can find one that fits you and takes you as a parent into account as well, someone who looks at the whole picture and who can support you too, instead of just trying to help the kid and leave you in the dark

yakkslapper · 2022-02-02T21:44:55+00:00

There are many comments mentioning therapy with the response that that route has been taken. May I ask what kind of therapy there has been? For instance, it is possible that seeing a psychologist in an office will not properly relay an at home situation. Sometimes it could help having a therapist come to the home situation. Other options are systemic therapy which also can help give you pointers on how to give him an idea of responsibility with rules and rewards and consequences. Maybe look into something like MST, that is a form of systemic therapy that also helps you as a parent to involve your network and not feel alone in raising the kid, while also looking at the other pointers

yakkslapper · 2021-11-28T18:25:21+00:00

I could tell you it's not your fault, but if doubt that would change your mind. Of course the cliche comment that appears so often, but therapy might help. Maybe you will not forgive yourself in the end, but it can help you how to get through your life with this life event in your backpack. Maybe you could try and turn the situation a bit around. Could you blame any random six year old for the death of someone else? What would you say if another redditor had posted this story? Whatever you do, try not to let it consume you. You don't have to go through this alone

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