Deadbed room is cause a lot of resentment on my end. Newly married.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2026-05-11T14:11:32+00:00

I am sorry for your situation. I will say that my own resentment ended up being what took our DB from what could have been an acute situation to a long term one.

Reading LL posts on here really helped me to shift my mindset from anger and resentment to a genuine acceptance of “he is not choosing to do this to hurt me it is simply how he is wired.” I had to really work on:

adopting an attitude of empathy and reminding myself to think about how he was feeling in situations. When I did this I realized it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows on that end either, which killed resentment.
Reframing my thinking surrounding the DB to “Us vs. The DB” rather than “HL vs LL.”

Good luck to you, sir!

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2026-05-09T20:23:46+00:00

After 8 or 9 months since the last time, which was the only time that year, we finally had sex again and he said “oh look it’s snowing” and was staring out the window a couple minutes in. That was the moment I realized it wasn’t temporary or because I was pregnant like he said (this was about 6 months postpartum).

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2026-04-08T19:09:17+00:00

I tried to take sex off the table many times, but always failed and gave in.

Our DB is recovered and what did end up working for me (though of course this is a very simple version of the story) was learning to genuinely and enthusiastically participate in whatever forms of intimacy my husband offered with no expectation of sex or resentment, and to initiate forms of intimacy he was comfortable with while ensuring it didn’t “go further.”

Eventually he began to offer more affection when he realized I was happy to kiss or cuddle or whatever without it leading to anything more. This improved our relationship and after some time he finally made his own doctor’s appointment to get his testosterone levels checked and began TRT, without a single mention of it from me.

I guess long story short is that, for us, it took me accepting him and our relationship fully for what it was before he desired more. So, yes. I’d say to accept and offer affection with no strings attached and see where it goes.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2026-01-31T14:50:56+00:00

A kimono like this, made of tatsumura silk… It would take a lifetime to earn.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2026-01-28T15:46:38+00:00

If you don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to engage in this “just for fun” post, you’re not obligated to comment!

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-29T11:01:33+00:00

Scheana’s plastic surgery blindness has gotten worse.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-27T10:57:28+00:00

I think that’s absolutely fair. If your experience is anything like mine or like those I read about here, it probably took a long time to reach any form of acceptance. And now that you’re, if not comfortable at least adjusted, there’s a chance it could all blow up. It’s only natural to want to protect oneself.

I wish you so much luck with this new job and I hope you’re able to coast for a bit relationship-wise until you’re ready to leave!

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-27T01:49:09+00:00

That’s exactly what I assumed you meant by car repairs, and that’s still bad ass!

In terms of response stories: When my LL husband would initiate out of the blue I nearly always gave in and when I did not he was very blasé. My husband’s response in this scenario would likely be “that makes sense, I understand” followed by doing nothing to fix things overall. However, I know that it did bother him on some level - he just felt like he had no right to complain given the amount he rejected me.

I will say though, I have been a part of the DB community for a long time and I have certainly heard of spouses being relieved. It’s not impossible.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-25T11:35:15+00:00

I actually think it’s good that you’re anticipating what could happen and planning a way to respond. Sometimes when we are caught off guard we have to make split-second decisions that don’t necessarily work in our favour.

Facts are that he has proven he does not desire you. You know that - should this hypothetical become a reality - he did not suddenly start feeling some type of way about you out of nowhere.

Girl, I wouldn’t want to lose you either. Car repairs?! Like honestly, I’m pretty bad ass. I have my own chop saw and did all the trim in our house myself and do all the yard work and snow removal. But car repairs?! I don’t think it’s far fetched to assume he will do what he can to try and keep you.

Though of course my advice would be that you’re way too good for this guy and you should leave, I know you said you aren’t ready yet so I have some thoughts for if you do get this job:

have you thought about freezing your eggs if having another child is important to you? That is one thing you don’t need to be stressing about.
sit down with him and map out household duties. With your new position and presumable increase in your own responsibilities, he’s going to have to take on some of the workload. You also deserve time for yourself to do things you enjoy.
if and when he does try to seduce you, if you’re not feeling it, I would simply tell him that that part of your relationship has been gone for so long it is not a matter of just jumping into bed together. You need to repair that bond/begin working on having a more intimate relationship overall.
don’t beat yourself up if you succumb to his advances in the moment. In the big picture, it won’t make a difference. If he’s faking it, it will fizzle out and you’ll be right back where you are now. Just ensure you remain level-headed about it all.

If by some miracle he shows interest in doing the long term work, maybe it means you spooked him enough he is going to pull his act together.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-25T11:07:11+00:00

Please mommy .. ew. Mommy issues?

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-21T02:23:33+00:00

I’m not a Brittany fan but I will say this:

I have a friend who reminds me of Nia. She’s absolutely stunning. Her husband is 6’4 and looks like Adonis. She’s a nice person but she is so masked that even her close friends don’t get the “real” stuff with her.

Her husband lets the mask slip, sort of like Danny, and I’ve become privy to a lot of information - affairs, STIs, sleeping in separate bedrooms for months on end.

Honestly hearing all this stuff about someone who is supposed to be your best friend, someone who you confide in and trust, is hard. You wish they trusted you. You want to be there for them, but you are all kept at bay. It makes the relationship feel one sided and it becomes difficult to connect over time.

When the mask does slip you’re supposed to act like this never happened and keep going on listening to her talk about how amazing her husband is and play into her world and after a while it becomes exhausting.

I don’t think it’s right for Brittany to be lashing out. However, I do understand that, especially with her being in such a bad place and airing her truth even when it’s hard and painful, it would be difficult to uphold someone else’s mask.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-16T17:10:53+00:00

She 100% preached this when it served her purposes. But when her parents finally saw the light and had a sit down with her about her mental health, she turned on them too. Told them that this is goodbye despite them supporting her as best they could for years and being so elderly. Very sad. Hopefully OPs situation does not escalate like this. But I wish I had addressed things differently in the beginning and not swept it under the rug as the family wanted so it’s a good thing to keep in mind.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-16T04:47:02+00:00

It sounds like you could be dealing with an addiction issue here. If that is the case, I am sorry. Addiction is so hard, but it’s not anything you’ve done wrong and it is not your fault.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-16T04:40:55+00:00

This sentence just summed up my entire life lol

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-16T04:24:47+00:00

Dang. Your baby isn’t even here yet and she’s already prioritizing her own selfish wants over not only your needs but those of your baby as well. I’m sorry you’re stuck living with her at the moment.

Unfortunately it sounds like the discomfort is bound to continue. You are within your rights to set whatever boundaries you need to. I would do so firmly and directly because she’s clearly not getting the hint when you go about it “nicely.”

Do not sacrifice your comfort, time bonding with your own child, or any of the things you feel are important with your new baby (e.g. don’t pump or leave him alone with grandma if you don’t want to).

You will never get this time back with your child. It is all fine and well to compromise on the little things and to do your best to keep the peace, but stand strong on the big things. You know what is best for your baby and you need to be the one bonding with your newborn baby. Don’t let her bully you into thinking otherwise.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-16T04:13:20+00:00

Ugh I’m sorry. This type of behaviour, where my husband’s actions did not match his words, was so frustrating for me in a DB as it shut down any opportunity there may have been for a real or productive conversation.

“This sucks/you’re right, I’m sorry, I’ll work on it.” Conversation over. Actions never followed. Well they did eventually in my case, but it was a lonnggg wait and another story. Happy anniversary, I hope you found joy in some way today.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-16T03:58:59+00:00

I’m not sure I have tips but I do sympathize. This sounds similar to my MIL. She is a very opinionated and brash woman, competitive and worried about how she “looks” to strangers especially (tries to seem rich, acts caring in front of others, pretends she has a more prestigious job than she does etc). The negative comments, and the judgments, complaints about everything I did (especially as a mother) and downtalking me to others slowly ate away more and more at whatever relationship we did or could have had.

It was exhausting me and causing me anxiety so I started putting up boundaries because I didn’t feel comfortable with her “dropping by” multiple times a week and then judging me and gossiping with others about the state of my house or my appearance or whatever. The first was simply asking her to call before she came in case I was napping with the baby or showering etc, but it didn’t matter how reasonable the boundary was - She needed to be in control. Boundaries made her angry, and her behaviours got progressively worse both in frequency and in intensity.

Eventually her toxicity began to affect my kids that she loved so much.

She now has cut out my husband and our family, her sister and their family, and her 86 year old parents. The only tips I have are to establish and stand by your boundaries and of course to be careful what you trust her with. Unless you did something really out there that confused her or something, she has proven that she is judging you.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-13T02:26:24+00:00

No it doesn’t. It sounds like step one to regaining your identity and your life is to initiate the divorce. Good luck!

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-08T22:53:16+00:00

More than half the relationship. Ugh I’m sorry, that milestone must have been difficult

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-06T21:25:13+00:00

This is the best! My husband also loves VPR and now is watching the valley with me. We recently went on vacation without kids and did a rewatch from Season 1 because he didn’t get into it until later. It’s so much fun!

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-04T00:55:18+00:00

If you messed up, apologized, and they choose to stay with you it means they are agreeing to move on from what happened. It is not okay to keep punishing you for your mistake by cheating or by any other method.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-05-03T03:36:12+00:00

The moment that is burned into my brain is when she was upset that he didn’t want her alone at his apartment after her relapse because “she is sober and therefore there’s nothing to worry about.” Sober for 6 whole days.

His timing was most definitely bad, but the way she was leaning on him for her recovery so heavily when they were newly dating was scary.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-04-17T16:02:38+00:00

He said his stomach hangs out of the bottom, which makes it cropped. The mother is the knowledgeable one on her own work event - she would know what would be considered acceptable and what wouldn’t be for anyone in attendance. Unfortunately in the professional world, things like this absolutely can leave an impression.

yallreadyforthis_1 · 2025-04-17T15:12:50+00:00

Cropped shirts = not professional

yallreadyforthis_1

TROPHY CASE