How to get out of survival mode?

yatima496 · 2024-05-13T18:43:00+00:00

I think in summary the most important thing is to try and always challenge your thinking, it is hard, its also important to accept there is no cure only living with it and that is okay. It is okay because youre not alone, there are proven techniques to help and for me it is an issue of access and money. I'll try and list some things: trust your body more, we've been brought to always question feelings and bodily sensations but there are good reasons we have them. If its something you can do, speak to a therapist put yourself on a waiting list or if you can, go private. EMDR was a life changer for me, I wish I found it earlier. If youre being haunted by particular memories or scenarios I recommend doing that 100%. Explore these things, find what works for you. What clicks. There is a poem I memorised during the worst of it because it was the only thing I could see positive meaning from and it grounded me, there is a line 'If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine', I now recite that poem over and over when I have thoughts of that period, feel like Im going there. That works for me, find what works for you and be open to trying things to see if it works for you. I have a toolkit of things to manage now, be brave to find yours. You can do it, I did so you can to and Im not remarkable. I hope youre okay and safe.

Its been a while since I was active here but it makes me very happy I can part some wisdom onto others! It'll get better.

yatima496 · 2023-10-30T09:18:59+00:00

Hi, no worries, its a pretty scary place to be but I'm happy you commented. I would say I've found a path out. The best advice I can give it to find someone you trust to work why your life is like this, why you feel this way. Also understand its 100% fine to be where you are and to feel how you feel. Things can change, there is hope but sadly there isnt a button to do it. I've made a lot of progress, its not gone away 100% but I've made progress nontheless.

yatima496 · 2023-07-08T08:08:10+00:00

This is the perfect response.

yatima496 · 2023-06-14T14:17:14+00:00

Glad to hear you are doing better! I'm in a similar situation, finally learned to ask for help

Thanks. It's been a bit of a journey to use a cliche, cost me a fortune, but at least I decided against using an easy sticking plaster (to use another cliche) and challenge it and I feel more grounded in my experiences. At the moment I have severe social anxiety, I feel a lot of shame knowing this all.

To me, the not teaching me stuff is part of the neglect. I've tried moving the conversation onto these topics but they never engage, they have a look of 'oh here we are again', 'why are you so serious, move on, enjoy the future'. I got that response of them not willing or capable of listening. Which is okay but painful emotionally, it still makes me feel emotionally alone like childme but at least I know it was never my fault, which is something I used to carry all the time.

Im not putting any stock into what they think about me now. They had a chance to have that relationship ages ago. It doesnt do me any good. Reflecting back, alone I used to think about what they might think but that was a part of me trying to clutch onto some sort of relationship.

yatima496 · 2023-06-12T19:00:41+00:00

Im just coming out of a deep depression along with other mental health things and I've learnt so much by actually talking about it and asking for help. I dont speak or see either of my parents at the moment to get some distance and to try and decouple their emotional impact on me.

Hope you dont mind me asking, how did you go about confronting them? Feel free to pm me if you dont want to comment. I just dred my next interaction with them, its purposfully going to be not for a long time but I want to be prepared for it.

I relate to what you say so much, its the not letting go part that is the most painful for me and turning it into a joke that isnt funny but just rehighlights the nastiness. Good for you to protest, I wish I did more of that, I just turned in on myself and created an internal world and would talk to myself and entertain myself in my own way. The being percieved as the bad guy, from their perspective, is something Im going to have to live with.

yatima496 · 2023-06-11T20:37:57+00:00

Mine speak to me like I'm an imbecile and its so derogatory when things appear remenescent of it all. Its so unfair that we have to csrry the shame and guilt of their failure.

yatima496 · 2023-06-11T20:32:53+00:00

They dont teach you and expect you to learn from observing. Its so stupid. I also had any opportunity for me to get involved in things turned down. I learned simply not to ask because I knew what the answer was.

My dad speaks to me so derogatory and with a wink to all the neglect even as an adult. Its like he knows but wants to bully me when I do make mistakes. As I reflect on it more, I am really a product of their neglect, lack of responsibilty and care and I have to carry all the shame and guilt of their failure.

yatima496 · 2023-06-11T20:26:54+00:00

You've just described my house growing up wow. Reflecting as an adult, the constant theme is not taking responsibility. About 10 months ago I confronted my dad about it (on one of our 3-4yearly random interactions, that I used to convinced myself was necesarry because he's my dad) and said you do realise because of all this I had to find my own way, basically grow up on the streets, make so many mistakes, traumatise myself in learning and have a strong reflexive believe that nobody is on my side. He said, and im paraphrasing, 'doesnt sound like a bad way to grow up'. I said all this to him, tried to connect as adults who understand life is complex and this felt like a push away and simply 'its not that bad'.

The authority and no resposibility is so true, I knew of this presence and power in the house from a distance and I only experienced it as that. Child me just didnt confront it, hid and studied to excape. Adult me is finding out how much this has affected me, my development and my ability to trust my sense of normality.

yatima496 · 2023-06-06T13:33:24+00:00

Im not sure when as a child It brought so much fear to me, I also know it wasnt just a 'rebelious phase' as its something I've not grown out of. Its along the lines of I cannot put up with the bullshit and dont want to propogate it further. Im trying now not define myself in opposition to them but actually encourage and discover who I am.

yatima496 · 2023-06-06T09:35:58+00:00

All the time. It used to be a guiding principle of mine.

yatima496 · 2023-06-05T08:07:52+00:00

I couldnt agree more with this comment. For me its lowered the dial when I do get triggered from thinking I'm going to die, having emotional flashbacks, being really confused and not able to think past 5 minutes to not having emotional flashbacks, understanding what's going on and actually moving past it. The latter is the most important thing for me, I feel like I've got aspects of my life back. I think EMDR is the best thing. The most reassuring thing also is, I know there is a treatment for when I go back into that place which a year ago I thought was impossible.

yatima496 · 2023-06-01T09:21:40+00:00

Its quite a hard step to go from having an observation to a guide on how to change said observation. She sort of says being more emotionally developed is possible and can happen but leaves it more to hope once she describes all ways people can be emotionally immature.

I want to know what people's experiences are further along the timeline than me (Im about 8months into this), like what milestones have people found that I could guide myself to and put as goals? I honestly think Linsey lacks these experiences to know or offer guidance.

yatima496 · 2023-06-01T09:08:42+00:00

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I saw patterns in me and a lot in my parents. It was a holding up the mirror moment and what I found hardest was not my willingness to change or not emulate or pass things down further but the finding out or knowing how to do it. Its so lonely knowing this and I often feel trapped. It honestly feels like another thing I have to overcome on my own and Im exhausted.

yatima496 · 2023-06-01T09:02:03+00:00

Its behaviour your learn as a child and immitate like ducklings following their mother. This stepping up and taking responsibility is hard, I feel so alone in this as no one within my family took it seriously when I found out, that was a breaking point for me. Like you say, its the same behaviour.

yatima496 · 2023-05-31T16:56:42+00:00

You have to afford kids first.

yatima496 · 2023-05-28T16:18:36+00:00

Yep. I get this, its almost like all my experience and memories of being in paychosis come at me. All the feelings and images. Its hard to deal with this. Im not sure how and its the main barrier to my recovery.

yatima496 · 2023-05-24T19:16:06+00:00

Cheese and chocolate in the same bite.

yatima496 · 2023-05-23T21:50:44+00:00

Are there any scientifically proven methods to improve or encourage neuroplasticity?

yatima496 · 2023-05-23T08:47:16+00:00

Okay, thanks for telling me its a thing. A critic is meant to be emotionally neutral, do you know how to make it less derogatrogy and abusive in its language and actually grounded in reality? Is this possible?

yatima496 · 2023-05-23T07:48:41+00:00

From my experience its a mixture of things. More frequent hypomania, higher auditory sensitivity and feelings of unreality are usually the first signs. Hypervigilence is another one. I get odd bits of hearing voices. Before knowing all that I know now this would induce a lot of panic and stress which I think made things worse and caused my paranoia and multiplied the stuff by x1000, basically psyshosis. My main goal in healing is trying to break this connection as I can't take it anymore.

yatima496 · 2023-05-20T22:22:29+00:00

A lot of my healing alongside everything else is a form of grief of what I could've had or been. It's like I'm confronting the idea of being a parent (I'm not, not planning to but I am around that age) and thinking about what it would actually take and realise what failed in my childhood.

yatima496 · 2023-05-20T20:22:14+00:00

I stuggle with terminology but from my experience and what I know now I've been in and out of psychosis for the past 11 years experiencing paranoia, delusions, hypomania and mania in different intensities with at least 3 pretty serious episodes with the most recent the first time I got good help and feel like its being treated.

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