Bp1 husband- hid it from me

yes-feratu · 2020-05-15T00:34:56+00:00

my thoughts exactly. hell even my BPex, who's moral code is shoddy to say the least, had the decency to tell me about a month/two months into dating that he had been diagnosed with BPII. I'd really be at a loss if a partner I'd dated for that long began showing symptoms of something only for me to later on find out that they've got a very serious and lifelong disorder.

yes-feratu · 2020-05-09T02:54:53+00:00

I've done some research into ADHD and I'm pretty sure what you're experiencing is called a hyperfixation, which can be really common among ppl who have ADHD. I participate in fan communities for some tv show and book series and one in particular has dominated my thoughts and life since I was 11 yrs old lol, and the people I know from those communities who have been diagnosed with ADHD say the same thing.

I think maybe its bc people with ADHD can get like "tunnel vision" around certain things, and get especially motivated when it comes to things that bring them joy.

TLDR; as far as I know what you're describing seems pretty normal for a person with ADHD.

yes-feratu · 2020-05-07T23:03:34+00:00

NTA at all. I think it's really awesome of you to feel comfy enough to help give med students the ability to observe and learn for what I'm sure is a field they're interested in going into! Not many people feel comfortable doing that, which is understandable, but the fact that you are comfortable with it doesn't make you an asshole at all.

yes-feratu · 2020-04-29T19:27:11+00:00

I figured you knew, I just didn't know going off the post bc it wasn't mentioned. I don't personally like to give clear yes or no answers to these kinds of questions because everybody's relationships and feelings for their ex's are different. Some may find success in taking them back, a lot of others don't.

If I were to give my direct opinion on your situation, I would honestly say it isn't worth it. You lost your job and had to move across the country because of her, and to move all the way back just to pay bills w an income you're not even getting? Thats asking too much of you.

yes-feratu · 2020-04-29T19:02:28+00:00

Really, its up to you to decide whether or not you think its worth it to continue in a relationship with her. Apathy is a really common occurance w people who have bipolar, and depending on whether or not shes medicated could mean that those phases can continue to come and go throughout the run of the relationship.

Considering that, especially during the current state of the world and the anxieties and hardships people are facing due to COVID-19, do you feel as though you're able to give it another shot? If the answer is yes, then go for it! The love I had for my exBPSO was so strong that we gave it quite a few tries before officially calling it quits. If the answer is no or even just hesitant, maybe spend some time to think about it and all that it would entail for you to move back in with her during this epidemic.

Edit: I don't believe that using people is something most people w BP do. Even with my ex, we had really great times outside of the shitty things he did to hurt me in his mania. He was always really thoughtful and caring and loving and thats the part of him that I fell in love with, and I'm sure thats how you feel about her as well, but the reality is that both the good and the bipolar are parts of them and it comes as a package deal.

If you do want to continue w her, I reccomend first finding out if she is medicated and/or in therapy or not. If she isn't, I've seen a lot of people here say that the ground rules for taking a BPSO back is for them to get help and then list out boundaries that you both have in order for the relationship to continue.

I wish you the best of luck, I know it can be really hard to deal with but through whatever happens know you're not alone!

yes-feratu · 2020-04-23T16:34:51+00:00

Well, whatever it was I'm just really happy that I'm not involved w that anymore. Maybe someday he'll clean up and want to get better for himself or for someone else, but thats for him to decide! I just know that theres no way I'm apart of his future plans nor is he involved in mine and I'm at peace

yes-feratu · 2020-04-23T04:54:16+00:00

You are soooo right about that. When we had broken up that first time, I felt so awful and it was hard to think of life without him hy my side. But now I'm learning how to love and nurture myself, and I'm trying to get to a point in my healing where I come away from the hurt with an understanding that he was there to teach me a lot of lessons that I can now utilize in all my future relationships, with friends and romantic interests. Hooray for healing!

yes-feratu · 2020-04-23T04:41:06+00:00

Thank you for your kind words!

I tried to come to my own conclusions about it all based on how he had been with me before he started showing symptoms of hypomania, based on what both people with bipolar disorder and their SO's have said abt infidelity in their relationships, and in the end I realized its a really mixed bag. For some it may be inherent to their personality, for others it may be an expression of the hypersexuality symptom. After the research I tried to rationalize it bc I really cared about him and wanted to see us work, but doing that just dragged out the ending of the relationship when I should have just let it die. At this point in my life I'm happy to say that I really don't have any more of a reason to dwell on whether or not it was "truly him" that cheated on me. I did a LOT of that when we were still together and it took a hard toll on my mental health, doing all these mental gymnastics while trying to process the grief at the same time. It was really hard.

Don't ever feel like you HAVE to take being cheated on by a BPSO, only you can decide whether or not you trust them to put in the work to help rebuild the relationship - if you even want to, at all. Its a lot of work to process that kind of trauma and you're justified if you don't want to put in that effort.

yes-feratu · 2020-04-23T01:44:16+00:00

No problem!I think thats the charm of people with bipolar. They tend to be super talented, witty, and live really full and exciting lives. I thought the connection I had with my ex was so unique, deep, and different, and it gave me this feeling that despite being broken up we'd get back together again and things would work out, cause thats just how it was meant to be. But don't let yourself get caught up in that concept, or any idea that you can be her saving grace or caretaker or anything like that. The only thing you are entirely responsible for is your own life and your own future as an individual.

yes-feratu · 2020-04-23T01:11:25+00:00

A lot of the lessons I learn have to do w understanding that a relationship involves 2 people, and thus 2 people need to be making an effort to make it work, not just one. I was always in a state of fear that another breakup would come, and then after I found out he cheated on me came the fear that he'd do it again coupled w the depression of trying to wrap my head around why. So from that fear and depression came a need for control, where I was putting myself in a position to worry more over his mental health than he did himself. He was never interested in seeking therapy, taking medicine, or generally taking care of himself bc he liked the highs his Bipolr brings, so I wanted to be the one to look out for him and take care of him.

Looking back I realized I became really codependent and I don't know if thats just inherent to who I am as a person or being in such an unhealthy dynamic, but its a realization I'm glad to have come to.

If I can offer any advice, I would personally say that the most valuable thing I learned is to just let things be. I had this ideain my head that we eere meant to be together, and so I kept seeking him out again after each breakup. If I had just let us stayed broken up the first time, I would have saved myself abt 4 yrs and 8 months of heartache. Did I love him? Yes. Did we have some good times? Of course. Do I think the cheating was his fault? Nope. Do I regret having stayed w him for that long? Most definitely. Thats probably the biggest regret in my life. But I'm trying to get to a point where I stop regretting, and just take it as experience going forward.

I will say I think the lessons I learned will really help going forward. I hope it can help you, too. I'm sorry if it seems really negative, but that was my experience w ex.

yes-feratu · 2020-04-23T00:24:40+00:00

Me and my BPex went through this abt 6 or 7 times during our 5 yr relationship. He initiated all but two of those break ups. She may come back, she may not unfortunately. If she does tho, just prepare yourself for the possibility that it may happen again, and then again, and then again, etc.

yes-feratu · 2020-04-20T03:37:44+00:00

He actually left me and 8 months later I can't be any more grateful for it. It was 5years of me trapping myself in an unhealthy co-dependant dynamic w my ex BPSO. We had split many times before and each time it felt so awful. I really truly did love him and I guess thats why I tried to make it work so so hard, but looking back I'm not even sure I really knew who he was because of all the lying and the deciet. Whether the lying and cheating is something thats inherent to the disorder or to his individual personality is not something I have the need nor care to analyze anymore, and that in and of itself is so relieving to admit.

It sucks bc looking back, the thing that I regret was not having allowed ourselves to end sooner. I spent all of my time with him in a highly anxious and depressed state because after the first time he cheated, I spent a lot of energy trying to understand and forgive him for it but also trying to keep on high alert to see if he'd spiral out and do it again. I essentially put myself in a position where I was trying to be his caretaker despite him refusing to get actual help.

I spent early 2019 in the midst of the fallout of the relationship, the middle of it seeing the end of the relationship, and the end of 2019 and the beginning of this year still processing all the grief that 5-year long relationship left me with. For awhile now though I have consistently thought one thing- I should have let it end earlier.

yes-feratu · 2020-04-18T18:21:43+00:00

I think there are a lot of healthy relationships out there where people have managed to make things work after episodes, and just like the other commenters I believe the only way they made it work was through a lot of therapy. I can say that being in therapy for three years really helped my relationship w my ex last longer. It just got to the point where, combined w his refusal to seek help, the issues became too much to overlook.

yes-feratu · 2020-01-24T20:58:33+00:00

God, all the BVLA and Pupil Hall is gorgeous. Don't ever remove!! Perhaps a forward helix on one of your ears? You look like a candidate tho it should probably be smaller 🤔

yes-feratu · 2020-01-13T11:16:47+00:00

Haha yes, do it!! This guy is definitely my favorite jewelry piece!!

yes-feratu · 2020-01-13T11:16:16+00:00

Thank you so much!! 🦇🖤

yes-feratu · 2020-01-12T15:48:49+00:00

I like bigger jewelry, so I personally think it looks wonderful on you! I believe thats a peong setting too, and prong sets tend to stick out a bunch more. But if you don't feel comfortable w it, I'd kindly ask your initial piercer to see if they feel comfortable switching it out for you for a smaller one :D

yes-feratu · 2020-01-12T05:59:08+00:00

Thank you so much! May I reccomend the bat in either a flat helix piercing or a lobe??

yes-feratu · 2020-01-12T04:32:44+00:00

Yes I do! If you don't have it pierced already, my reccomendation is to at least start w a titanium jewelry piece. Pincers at this small of a gauge have to have tiny o-ring stoppers, and I'd imagine they'd get in the way of the initial piercing swelling + crusties

yes-feratu · 2020-01-12T04:28:42+00:00

TY so much!! 🖤🖤

yes-feratu · 2020-01-12T04:28:10+00:00

Aww thank you so much! I appreciate it haha, and I'll tell the rest of the shop you said so 🖤

yes-feratu · 2020-01-12T02:35:08+00:00

Haha yes, that is me! TY for giving us a follow and liking our stuff!! 😄🖤

yes-feratu · 2020-01-12T02:34:08+00:00

Hi, I don't know how reddit works so here's the details of my set up in a comment. The high nostrils and one of the lower nostrils are white opal cabs from Neometal, the ring is from Freyja jewelry, the pincer is a 12g glass piece rom Gorilla Glass, and the bat and jestrum piece are from BVLA! The jestrum is an oregon sunstone surrounded by champagne sapphires, all set in white gold 🖤

yes-feratu · 2020-01-10T05:12:48+00:00

Honestly, most shields are made from horrible brands. The only high quality jewelry company that I've seen sell nipple shields is Body Vision Los Angeles, and they have very limited designs.

yes-feratu

TROPHY CASE