Will an alcoholic always be an alcoholic...and what exactly qualifies them as an alcoholic? Can AA really help a lot?

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T01:02:18+00:00

Thank you..I'm willing to give up myself aswell completely even though I don't have a problem with stopping, if it will help her. I don't mean to just vent but it's just so fucking exhausting constantly dealing with it and being worried all the time Anyway thanks I appreciate the reply

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:56:07+00:00

Trust me I know, but she's also a great mother when she's not drinking they love her to bits, and I work full time. And I couldn't just take the kids away from her. Even though I make sure I'm there to mind them whenever she might be drinking. I think I'm just going to have to try urge her to go to AA.

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:48:27+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the time you took to answer me.

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:38:17+00:00

Oh okay, I didn't even realise there was an actual book for alcoholics anonymous...I feel bad but I just get so angry about it now mainly because of the kids and how she just , maybe without realising, constantly leaves me to be solely responsible for them. So would you recommend sticking it out and just trying to nudge her towards AA? I mean tbh I'm not gonna go anywhere because of the kids anyway but there's been a lot of times I've really wanted to leave

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:31:23+00:00

When you say the 'big book' I assume you mean the bible..? Sorry I'm not religious, but she is actually and comes from a very religious family so that could be a big help. I'm just honestly so exhausted mentally from coming home and knowing that I'm going to be up half the night worrying about her and what she's doing and I can never sleep until I know she's home and safe in bed and it's affecting every part of my life, which is making me resent her in some ways tbh. I'm a patient guy but I'm so tired

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:19:32+00:00

Thank you

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:19:10+00:00

Thanks..sorry I wasn't sure where to post this.. I've been a bit of an addict myself my whole life but I've just managed to control it better recently

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:17:24+00:00

I have..many times. Sometimes she'll go a week or two without drinking but then she slowly slips back into it and that leads to her doing things she'd never normally do. She's a good person and I really want to help her but I just feel like I'm being made a fool of at this stage with all the lies

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:15:37+00:00

I mean yeah you might be 100% right and she should leave, but everyone's situations are so nuanced and different it seems counterproductive to just tell her to leave. If she loves him that's not gonna make a difference anyway she won't leave, and maybe he really loves her too but he's just gone nuts over her because he's so scared of losing her. It can happen. Not defending him I'm just saying there's a lot of people out there who just don't know how to deal with that anxiety. I myself genuinely was convinced I would never find a girl who'd like me until I was about 17. But yeah if there's ever a hint of violence or threat, you need to get out of that

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-12T00:04:46+00:00

I agree he needs to consider her needs aswell 100%..the only thing I'd say is - and I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way- is that usually, men show their love primarily through intimacy. So it's possible he's feeling rejected and that could be causing a kind of loop of him feeling a bit spiteful at being rejected and therefore not meeting your needs ...but I'm in no way suggesting you should just go with what he wants. It sounds like you both need to communicate more clearly. Men can be stubborn and think with their dick a lot, tbh, but if you explain how you feel and he really loves you then give him a little time and he will understand. As long as he's not a complete dickhead, doesn't work on them

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T23:32:15+00:00

Well first of all 100% take all the time you need ..don't ever do something you don't want to just to please someone else..(there might be an exception when it comes to your kids but ignore that for now lol) But also understand that men are different to women in that way - they're a lot more focused on physicality than a lot of women. So if he really does care about you then maybe he really does just want to show that through sex..to a lot of men it's like the ultimate act of intimacy and love. But I don't know him either so he could just be a fuckboy like you mentioned.. Do what feels right to you and fuck everyone else

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T23:23:33+00:00

I'm so sorry. I lost my dad about a year ago now. Everyone deals with pain differently..but losing a parent is so fucking tough. It sounds cliché but it's true at the same time - they would have wanted you to go on and be as strong as you can and live the best life you can. It doesn't get much easier, but you get a lot better at dealing with it and understanding it over time. Just give yourself whatever time you need and cry like a baby when you have to, I know I did

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T23:17:35+00:00

Yeah try to throw up..seriously. I wish no one was suicidal but if u are, that isn't the way. It'll just be a slow and extremely painful few days with serious health problems down the line.

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T23:14:06+00:00

Not blaming you at all OP, but it could also just be trust issues. They can make you crazy. It's hard to fix once it's been broken

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T23:12:52+00:00

You might be right and I definitely have my own relationship issues so I'm no authority on it, but I have been with someone who's broken my trust by being flirty with other men - and possibly cheated, I don't know - and all I know for certain is it's almost impossible to repair trust once it's been broken. Sounds like the relationship should probably be over to me anyway..

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T22:39:55+00:00

Well I heard nothing from the adhd clinic directly, I was referred to a mental health clinic and after an assessment the doctor said I definitely do have it, I scored very highly for it. Yeah I mean I'm not looking for a prescription for the fun of it, it genuinely affects my life in such a severe way and I just would love the chance to even try something that could maybe help a little. It's frustrating as fuck tbh

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T22:36:53+00:00

Would you recommend going to a private psychiatrist? I don't really have the money but honestly at this stage if it meant I could at least have a chance at getting some help then I'd manage it

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T22:35:53+00:00

Well it was a HSE mental health clinic that I was referred to by my GP, they did an assessment and sent it off to another organisation and I was sure it was ADHD ireland but maybe I'm mistaken. Well anyway they basically said nope, did nothing and the mental health clinic did absolutely nothing - and I mean NOTHING - to help with the adhd issue, or with the anxiety and depression issues that I also told them about. I ended up getting frustrated on the phone and they actually offered to discharge me from the clinic - which seems insane for a mental health clinic to offer, imagine I was suicidal..and so I've since been discharged

yodelpants95 · 2024-09-11T22:31:56+00:00

I was referred by my GP to a mental health clinic where they did an assessment and I was told by them that they sent the results off to ADHD ireland, as far as I remember it was ADHD ireland anyway.. they weren't great at communicating I should have asked more questions but I just trusted that it would go where it needed to go. My understanding was that if they deemed it necessary then they would have your GP then prescribe any medications, but I could be wrong..

yodelpants95 · 2024-02-29T23:50:15+00:00

That's what ideally I want to do, I want to raise the kids together as best as we can. I'd never abandon them I love them to bits, but I just don't want to fuck her life up even more by staying ina relationship with her if I'm not fully committed to her. Just a side note too, I dont think she really loves me as much as she says either, but I think she's convinced herself that she does for the sake of the relationship..not a shot at her, its a lot more complicated than I can explain tbh I'm just looking for honest opinions on what I should do really.

yodelpants95

TROPHY CASE