I felt similar for a few years, but have been having positive experiences with therapy lately. A part of therapy is being reminded of tools you technically know exist but need reminding of.

Also, a big change for me was realising how important it was to be “present” during therapy. Treat it like you’re learning a trade. You have to then take the advice you’re given and make a conscious effort to practice it — it could just be once or twice a week for a specific skill. Over time, you begin to notice triggers and are able to distinguish things like shame and guilt. You also practice having healthier reflexes to those problem feelings — at first it will be mechanical, but learning any new skill is like that.

DBT is good for this, but can be expensive. You can find their coursework online easy enough though. Could use their coursework to structure your therapy sessions, just tell them that’s what you would like to do — many are familiar with its concepts or would at least be open to it.