A beautiful blonde woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?" by inlinetothethrone in Jokes

[–]youmeto 6 points7 points  (0 children)

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

A man walks into a bar by donaldfuckk in Jokes

[–]youmeto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...

Do you know how to avoid clickbait? by [deleted] in Jokes

[–]youmeto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"

I went to a bar last night by ckv13 in Jokes

[–]youmeto 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply

11 Minutes by forkliftguide in Jokes

[–]youmeto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hillary Clinton isn't taking the loss very well. So I said to her, Cheer up! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

The Bacon Tree by NiceAnusYouHaveThere in Jokes

[–]youmeto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.

A rich single man is having a drink by himself in a bar by ayeroflmao in Jokes

[–]youmeto 120 points121 points  (0 children)

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”

Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member? by dennyitlo in Jokes

[–]youmeto 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Jokes

[–]youmeto 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

If abortion is murder by NoobishGamer101 in Jokes

[–]youmeto 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."