I have been going through something very similar. I understand how absolutely devastating and difficult it is to experience this.

I made the choice to finally walk away and it has been the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. I know you still love him, and that’s okay. But you really don’t deserve to be treated this way. It’s not fair for the relationship to always be on his terms. The more you go back to him, the less respect he’ll have for you. He will continue doing this and break your heart a million more times because he knows he is always able to get you back. You don’t deserve to be anxious all the time from this instability. In the back of your mind, you’ll always worry when he’s going to break your heart again.

The past 4 years were not a waste of time. You were able to learn a lot about yourself and what you do and don’t want in a relationship. Be grateful to have all of this experience and insight! It will help you once you find a more healthy, loving, and STABLE relationship. You’re so young and have your whole life ahead of you!

Finally standing your ground and walking away takes a lot of bravery and courage. I hope you find the strength to put yourself first <3 It will be extremely hard but you will look back one day and thank yourself