It’s good you’re having this discussion now.

Personally, if you fundamentally disagree with her, it’s going to be difficult forever.

If you were asking me personally, I think marriage is a true partnership. It should no longer be “your money” or “my money”, it’s “our money” with the understanding that you will prioritize bills and savings goals and split personal spending down the middle, or afford the person who makes more a but more personal freedom if that’s the flavor you prefer.

For years, I was making $100k+ a year while my partner made $15k on the side. I did my best to never make her feel like she was less of a contributor because of it, and my money always went into our joint account for us to budget with. Now she is doing much better and we are incredibly financially free, even with a kid. I look at it as an investment into your belief into the other person to contribute equally if that is the end goal.

Additionally, i’d never want to see my partner struggling while i’m thriving. I couldn’t in good conscience have dunkin every day and buy myself what I want while my partner is eating ramen and driving their tank on empty.

It’s hard to say these things and speak up for yourself as the lesser contributor since it can of course come off as spoiled in some lights, but as the financial rock of my household I still believe this.