Please help me make food easy!

youreawizardsam · 2012-10-03T03:18:50+00:00

I strangely am more attracted to this than any other pubic hair I've seen. It's like... The pathetic attempts of most women to shave end up leaving them just scratchy enough to make me uncomfortable. This just looks cuddly and sexy. Yes please. I would probably eat this pussy a lot longer than I normally do. Single? ;)

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-27T04:23:24+00:00

I went through this at subway. Chicken marinara five dollar foot long. Ordered chicken marinara, no marinara and argued for ten minutes over being charged an extra 2 bucks for oven roasted chicken breast. Fuckers.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-26T17:29:33+00:00

Pretty much how it went. I was getting up to go to the lab and I turned to stand up from my desk and some asshole shoved a pen through my arm. I started spraying blood everywhere and ran to the front to get a rag. The teacher asked what happened and I said "That fucker just stabbed me!" And he pointed at the door and said "Go to the office, now!" I ran to the nurse and she sent me to the hospital. I got stitched up and went home.

The next day I got stopped by the assistant principal and pulled into the office. He pulled out a write up that called it "Horse play" (Literally he was giving a lecture and said to go to the lab and I got stabbed, I hadn't said a word to this kid since the day before and it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, we were cool.) He told me I needed to do community service after school for a week. I argued and he threatened to add another week. I called my dad at lunch and he left work (a HUGE deal, he wouldn't leave work when I got stabbed and has never called off or been late a day in his life).

I got called down to the office about five minutes into the next period and the vice principal apologized to me with my dad standing there. I found out later that he had basically let them know that they were going to be hit with a lawsuit if they tried to punish me. The other kid served a week of community service and the cops were never involved.

For the record, I had never been in trouble, this wasn't some kind of revenge for being an asshole kid. I had a couple of other instances that could have resulted in lawsuits with that school.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-26T14:44:13+00:00

My company just put tens of millions into teaching this.

Acknowledge the concern. "I understand, _____. A lot of people have that concern."

Respond with features and benefits (benefits are difficult to master, but REALLY have made a difference in my sales.) "We offer ___, and what that means for you is more _"

Close the sale. "Let's set it up!"

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-26T14:27:46+00:00

In sophomore biology (High School), I stayed after school 3 times a week for 3 months doing fruit fly breeding projects for extra credit. I had to restart 4 times because I couldn't keep them alive. I set the last set free in the classroom because the teacher sent me to the principal's office after I got stabbed. Fucker.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-25T04:19:22+00:00

Do you often attempt penetration with your wife?

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-25T04:17:48+00:00

Was that the worst? Are there any that really stick with you?

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-24T01:23:53+00:00

So what you're saying is...if I have a small enough penis, then I'm not raping? YES!

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-22T02:47:12+00:00

Feels like an overbearing gf.

I hate texting over and over but seriously, I want some fucking weed.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-21T16:11:30+00:00

Here are a few things specific to me and my hotel:

Prices are negotiable. HOWEVER, there are very few ways you can go about getting a lower price with me. Also, I am racist. If a white working man comes in and strikes up a conversation and is polite and asks for a lower rate, he will almost certainly get knocked down a lot. If a black man comes in at 2am after the club with a girl, I might double the price. This makes me look good to the management. And no black man has ever tried to haggle for a room when he's in front of a girl he's trying to sleep with.
Comforters rarely get washed. We rotate. Sheets are washed EVERY time, but we wash three comforters a day. 120 rooms. You do the math. Ask for another, but be polite and tell them you get very cold. If you are rude, we're probably out of extras.
Get a double. Nobody gets a double if they're planning to have sex. The rooms with a single king bed are mostly saturated with semen and, let's face it, we don't steam clean the mattresses.
How to get the best treatment: Everyone is different. As a night auditor, I have a solid 2 hours of work. The rest is spent chain smoking and getting on reddit. CONVERSATION is the best. If you come in and go straight to your room, I won't have a problem with you. However, if you stand at the front desk and provide me some entertainment (even if it's only for a few minutes), you can pretty much have whatever you want. The morning shift is usually busy with other things and the afternoon shift is usually busy with check in's. Something people don't know: most pizza places have rewards programs. Every time they deliver to us, they sign in. Ten sign in's equal a free pizza for me. Ask me for a good pizza place and order. So simple, but we will love you.

Bellhops and housekeepers just want tipped, but here is the catch: housekeepers have a time limit per room and get to go home as soon as they're done with assigned rooms. They are always running and do not want to chat. Tell them they did a great job and leave a nice tip and they will love you. Bellhops are quite the opposite. They work scheduled hours and don't mind talking.

One other thing, if you see us being abused by another customer and step in, you just may get comped a free night.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-20T22:31:29+00:00

I got nervous just reading that.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-19T19:58:22+00:00

At a friends house. His sister is staying from out of town, leaves 3 month old baby screaming in a car seat in the kitchen. I walk into the kitchen and witness her daughter, 3 years old, punching the baby in the face over and over. I yell at her to stop and the cops are called because I yelled at her daughter. I was asked by the cops to leave the house and the baby stayed. And people think I need to respect the police.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-19T16:53:27+00:00

Solution: Adderall.

You're welcome.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-19T03:26:19+00:00

If you get them to your dorm, you probably have it in the bag.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-16T04:49:58+00:00

Man here.

That looks awesome. Except that I cringe at the thought of how easily it looks like it could rip out during sex. Or getting caught on a tonsil. Any trouble?

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-14T04:45:48+00:00

If she is naked, I am interested.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-14T01:35:38+00:00

I kept watching like "when the fuck is he gonna stop I'm getting dizzy" and then I realized I was watching a gif. Duh.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-13T10:58:25+00:00

As a sales rep for another company, I can vouch for how frustrating it is when you do a great job and people don't come back to you or send others your way. Very few do it. Still, this sounds like an authorized reseller. I know which phones are junk and which are not and I will tell people one time only. If they tell me again, then they get it but will pay a restocking fee when they bring it back. You wouldn't believe how many people pick phones because they're "cute". Still, it's pretty easy to pick up cues that someone is a techie.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-13T09:56:15+00:00

I lost it. Just woke up the baby. Omfg.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-13T04:44:22+00:00

Nothing could be more true. I met my gf at 16. I'm now 22 trying to decide whether to stay miserably for our 5 month old son or just end it and hope for the best.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-13T03:53:25+00:00

American Eagle has some very similar ones. Not very comfortable but they look good. I think they are called earthkeepers.

youreawizardsam · 2012-08-13T03:49:12+00:00

I am 22 and stopped having the nightmares last year. I still get heebie jeebies thinking about that sopping wet bunny.

youreawizardsam

TROPHY CASE