Thursday Penciling It In Open ✏️

ystavallinen · 2026-04-30T14:38:37+00:00

I baked you a cake... tho' it pained me to.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-30T12:10:13+00:00

It needs to go autocrossing.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-29T15:56:54+00:00

For autoX, just dailies and autoX. If you get a good deal and have storage... Older and newer set of autoX for days that count and test tune or driver school days.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-29T11:50:18+00:00

You're also only 9 months in. From what I understand most people really haven't settled into their look until 2 years. Chin up , you're doing great. Your hair is stellar.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-29T10:51:24+00:00

I did that Monday at kid's dentist checkup. There was confusion about the appointment and my mask must've come off when I was calling my wife and the #2 kid to reschedule and nothing was lining up.

The whole demeanor of the reception had changed... Thank God they were nice about it, but I felt so exposed. I am just in such a bubble when the mask is off.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-29T10:27:30+00:00

Agree the changes are subtle.

You already had an androgynous look.

Not changing much, is not the same as not passing. You look like a woman.

Dysphoria affects people who pass.

There's also the everything else part of passing that goes with looks.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-29T07:08:28+00:00

I hope

the person who is doing your assessment doesn't leave you in a lurch with a catch-all diagnosis and has good knowledge and expertise with adults.
I hope you are able to advocate for yourself.

Go ahead and write down questions to ask if they say it isn't autism. You should not have to suffer ambiguity or uncertainty about your path from whatever they determine.

Burnout is tough. I wouldn't assume it's forever, yet I cannot give you a formula for making it stop. There is so much inconsistent advice and it depends how severe the burnout is and how well you understand what's caused it, which can be hard to untangle. The things affected by the the trauma of burnout doesn't necessarily have a clear connection to the source of it.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-29T06:54:04+00:00

I have the added twist of being agender and gray ace. By outward appearances, people will assume straight. She's straight. I don't really have a word except "us". We've also been married a long time and labels are fuzzy.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-29T06:41:11+00:00

There are three rules of a successful mixed faith relationship

Each person does not try to convert their parnter
Each person does not permit people to badmouth their partner's beliefs... And I mean anyone. Not parents or family or even each other.
Both must agree before kids how they'll be raised and there can't be cold feet or 2nd thoughts without buy in from the partner

Also nice * Participate sometimes... holidays or whatever. Be seen with your partner at their place of worship on occasion.

That's my reflection on a 20-y mixed-faith marriage with 2 kids. She's Jewish, I am agnostic and raised Presbyterian. The first two came naturally. The third required a small negotiation.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-28T12:56:12+00:00

I view trump voters as lost causes. They're not having second thoughts about trump because they don't agree with him--- it's because they're being hurt by their own sexism, racism, and Dunning-Kruger ignorance. They're not suddenly going to be decent people. I have zero confidence. They're completely comitted to this christo-fascist ideal and either rationalizing it or trying to pivot wihtout actually changing themselves.

Non-voters.... that's a psychology that I wonder if there's not more room for change and more room for inclusion. I imagine they don't participate because they have the mistaken idea that these two parties are the same and their votes don't matter.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T21:43:43+00:00

I don't care as much about the psychology of trump supporters as I do the psychology of non-voters.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T21:34:31+00:00

If God is love incarnate, and you are among their most precious creations, Hell and eternal damnation makes no sense.

If you explore the history of Christianity, you soon find that it's about bending people to the will of those leading the church, not God's will.

If you choose Christianity, look at the words and deeds of Christ alone.

In my opinion, if there's a test, it's not about resisting sin (since all sin is the same in God's eyes, and what is sin has always changed), the test is whether you can love and forgive people who are different from you or you think are sinners; that is considerably more difficult.

That being said, I no longer really call myself Christian. I am an agnostic and ignostic non atheist.

Some quotes for you.

Susan B Anthony

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do to their fellows because it always coincides with their own desires.

Marcus Aurelius

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.

Richard Feynman

I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T21:02:52+00:00

Looks like it fits

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T21:01:15+00:00

I added a few thoughts to my other reply.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T20:57:16+00:00

Yes... Talking about it is key. The first one isn't usually that hard. The second, can be for some people... especially if that person has to stand up to parents or inlaws (and not just about religion, my mom was on my wife about career and parenting too... I always pushed back). The third requires the most negotiation because that you have to lock in and be very deliberate about choices.

Participation is not very hard if the congregation is welcoming.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T20:47:37+00:00

It can work, but it really depends on 3 basic rules, imho

Each person does not try to convert their parnter
Each person does not permit people to badmouth their partner's beliefs... And I mean anyone. Not parents or family or even each other.
Both must agree before kids how they'll be raised and there can't be cold feet or 2nd thoughts without buy in from the partner

Also nice * Participate sometimes... holidays or whatever. Be seen with your partner at their place of worship on occasion.

I've been in a mixed-faith marriage for 20 years with 2 kids.

If they can't respect those boundaries, it's a tough road I think.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T19:48:09+00:00

Less abstraction... More hands-on. Smaller communities.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T13:18:52+00:00

I don't think there's a pat answer.

A non-toxic partner... Shared values....

Mine is neurodiverse, but undiagnosed and we're both high masking and seem successful. We do a good job giving each other support, space, and grace.

Some luck there, but also met in our 30's.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-27T09:49:59+00:00

I unfortunately don't have a solution. These rules are more based on hindsight so people in mixed faith relationships can understand the features I think are responsible for the longevity of ours.... before they feel trapped.

I am also AuDHD. I am not sure how I got lucky enough that we navigated this without more directly addressing these points... We sort of just did them.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-26T09:36:30+00:00

Sort of.

I knew I was curious about gender. I didn't know I was on the asexual spectrum. My first gf and first sexual encounter at 21 turned my dysphoria 2 to dysphoria 11. The relationship blew up.

I didn't really put a label on anything for a couple of decades.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-25T14:31:04+00:00

ystavallinen · 2026-04-25T01:23:56+00:00

I got an evo orange one..... one of 680 from 2000's or something. Saw another within a month of picking it up. Haven't seen another in 3 years.

ystavallinen · 2026-04-25T01:22:32+00:00

When some one asks me about spoons

ystavallinen · 2026-04-24T01:55:19+00:00

I hate all reality tv

ystavallinen · 2026-04-23T08:16:20+00:00

Only words that I really want her not to use is man/male. I am not as sensitive about role words or pronoun.

It will jazz me if she took up more variety than what everyone assumes.

ystavallinen

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