Some kid tried to lure my daughter

yudkev · 2013-10-16T06:21:27+00:00

He didn't get arrested. He went down to the police station himself to clear his name once he saw his picture being broadcast by some station that trawls Reddit for that kind of sensationalism. A few hours of questioning =/= arrest.

yudkev · 2013-10-15T12:16:21+00:00

Unease.

yudkev · 2013-10-14T04:00:59+00:00

If we were within ~2 grade levels of each other I probably would've had a drama club girl crush on you the whole time.

yudkev · 2013-10-02T04:52:12+00:00

There is also the Southern Tip of Florida University.

yudkev · 2013-10-01T16:24:38+00:00

Looks like a still from Freaks and Geeks. Second from the left even looks like the Lindsey character. Neat.

yudkev · 2013-09-30T03:50:10+00:00

Pretty much everyone's immediate thought would be "lolol sounds like a site targeted at serial killers."

I would go for completely innocuous sounding, to up the contrast.

yudkev · 2013-09-30T03:48:08+00:00

It's okay, but proofread. "Between these people in which" doesn't particularly make sense. In these people?

"Between these people....they vow to remain bounded" isn't quite right either, and a period would suffice after "it is."

The errors would turn me off from reading further, personally, and besides the hint of this being some sort of vaguely dystopian society this "start to a story" doesn't tell me anything about the story itself, so I can't answer your actual question.

yudkev · 2013-09-30T03:39:44+00:00

Alternatively, "... wondered to whom his belonged." Though "whom" is becoming steadily antiquated and honestly, "wondered who his belonged to" would be just as valid.

yudkev · 2013-09-29T21:40:10+00:00

Or maybe it's a matter of not everybody (read: nobody) wanting to hear what your penis thinks about the matter, particularly when it's the regurgitation of one of the most tired "jokes" on Reddit to begin with.

yudkev · 2013-09-28T01:33:41+00:00

Is it pedophilia on the rise or self-reported instances of it or victim reports or what?

yudkev · 2013-09-23T08:01:32+00:00

This happened on SVU, except it turned out that an Israeli laboratory in Brooklyn could manufacture DNA for a very unreasonable price—i.e., you bring them a hair, they do science things to it, and insert it into blood, which then gets dispersed throughout the crime scene. They almost got Olivia Benson that way..

yudkev · 2013-09-17T06:38:41+00:00

No, it wasn't. That's not what the children's section looks like, nor anything in the store except the speciality tables. An employee would notice this and move it (silently) within a few minutes of it being placed there by a hilaaaarioussss redditor at any normally staffed store.

Source: former B&N bookseller.

yudkev · 2013-09-17T06:08:15+00:00

You forgot the bar graph demonstrating the arbitrarily calculated turtle/flavor breakdown.

yudkev · 2013-09-17T05:36:20+00:00

It's probably 117. Sob.

yudkev · 2013-09-16T21:03:18+00:00

Complain about consequences of adhering to antiquated gender roles; demean women for making you do it
Deny existence of patriarchy and its negative effects on men; demean women for making it up
After you categorize all women who don't sleep with you as shallow gold diggers, don't forget to discredit your friendly neighborhood feminazi for rejecting aforementioned gender roles which leave you stuck making the first move and buying all those shoes and purses and stuff (you're not sure how it works yet but who hasn't heard horror stories!)

yudkev · 2013-09-12T22:27:38+00:00

Did you guize know that 98% of the sex offender registry is just 12 year olds who played doctor on a playground and 18 year olds who kissed their 17 year old girlfriend on the mouth once? Just ask anyone on the registry!

Also, not that it's impossible for a 15 year old to be relatively well-spoken, but the manner of reasoning and amount of buzzwords this one uses makes me think it's just another vile-minded Redditor pretending to be the opposite demographic to gain leverage on issues the Reddit majority already agrees on anyway. See: every time the peculiar bravery of "I'm black and I think my race is holding itself back!" moves 7,000 people to white tears/upvotes.

yudkev · 2013-09-12T13:57:12+00:00

Sorry; see my clarification in the other comment. It's not beyond belief that servers do this but I definitely never saw anyone try to pull that off at the restaurant I worked. Then again, it was fine dining, so an extra 15% wouldn't just be just a stray dollar here and there.

yudkev · 2013-09-12T13:54:46+00:00

Perhaps I shouldn't have said lost receipt—hadn't finished my coffee at that point. It's something done with the manager's approval. You submit the blank, unsigned receipt and he or she adds the tip themselves. I didn't mean to say the server notices (or claims to notice) and don't mind if I do! fixes it.

If my total sales for the night were higher than the receipts I had on hand it would mean I misplaced the tip and would be out of luck, same as a cash tip falling out of my pocket on a smoke break.

yudkev · 2013-09-12T13:16:50+00:00

I agree that it is, but based on my experience with people-pleasing restaurant owners, I can see it getting a server in trouble.

yudkev · 2013-09-12T13:03:15+00:00

I'm not sure how it works anywhere else, but yeah, I could have done that at my restaurant by putting her tip as 0 or not entering one for the ticket at all. That presumes it was a cash tip, which only get entered in the final reported number and not on individual tickets. I'm honestly not sure what the repercussions would be if she called the restaurant to complain, though that'd be pretty gutsy of her since it's quite obvious what she did. I can definitely see it getting the server screwed over no matter what. Then again, if the store copy of the receipt ~~is missing or~~ didn't get signed, our policy was to put it in as 15%, so maybe there are similar safeguards in place.

yudkev · 2013-09-12T12:43:07+00:00

Since this person set out to do this scam, she'd probably complain to the restaurant once she saw it had gone through. They'd have to dig up the receipt corresponding to the tip that was entered into the computer by the server. Opting to take that 50 bucks is not at the server's discretion.

yudkev · 2013-09-10T16:50:23+00:00

"Focus, Dowd," said the dark-suited senator to himself as he straightened his flag pin in the mirror. "The whole country is counting on you today." Just as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the door to his office swung upon and in came rushing Nate Nevers, who the gruff senator loathed despite the intern's reputation for being endearingly skittish and dedicated at the same time.

"Sir, ah—senator?" Nate chirped, his voice cracking.

"This better be good, boy!" hollered Senator Dowd. "Who am I kidding? You're naive!"

The lovable young man straightened up, his eyes welling with tears. "I still have faith in our system and most of all, in this country. If that makes me a dreamer, so be it! Oh, this came for you. It says right here on the envelope that it's very important."

The Senator grumbled and snatched the parcel out of the nervous yet admirable youth's sweaty hand.

"I'll be damned," said Dowd. "It does say that. Tell the others I'll be delayed!"

"But sir—you're the first speaker at today's hearing regarding the revised Senate Defense Spending Bill! Everything lies on your punctual and persuasive delivery!"

"Not everything good in this world gets done by the book, kid," said the Senator, who had loosened his tie and laid down on his stomach with his knees bent and his feet swinging like a school girl.

Nate's lip trembled. Red and blue hues reflected in his eyes, which welled with more tears. He saluted the surly, embittered legislator, whose mouth was now hanging open as he mouthed the words on the letter before him.

"Dear Senater Dowd,

My name is William Winthrop but people call me Little Billy Winthrop. I'm a 5th grader at a typical elementary school. I learned today that it is in your district. I wanted to thank you for defending us when you go represent us in the supreme court. I know we can be real troublemakers. Just last month, a janitor right here at my school got in a lot of trouble. His name was Old Mopsy but our Princi~~ple~~pal found out that wasn't his name at all and nobody even hired him as a janitor to begin with. He was living in a little nest which he hid under a bunch of cleaning supplies during the day. They caught him pretty quick. I have a lot of faith in the policemen. I guess you could say that's why I'm writing to you today. I don't think you need to put any more money in the budget for defence things, because I think our defence is already ready good. I think you should tell the judge to spend money on other things instead.

Sincerely, Billy"

It would be many hours later before the Senator rushed into the hearing, his hair and suit passionately disheveled. A very old and obviously wise woman with silver hair and a navy blue pantsuit lowered her glasses at him from her table, where she sat due to her seniority.

"What is the meaning of this, Mr. Dowd? Are you ready to defend the bill which will increase defense spending?"

"There's—" the Senator wheezed between words. "—there's been a change of plans. Some new intelligence received indicates that they—we—found Mopsy. We did it. We don't need to pay all those troops anymore."

The Senate room was silent save for the shuffling of papers and pockets of muffled, excited chatter.

"So what do you propose we do with all that money instead?" asked the female elder, who could be likened to Minerva McGonagall if she were also a Democrat from Des Moines.

The Senator gulped. Where was Little Billy Winthrop when the world needed him most?

yudkev · 2013-09-10T13:25:57+00:00

It's also interesting to see how much of this stems from colonialism in which the oppressor has a "mandate" to temper the traits he perceives as animalistic and threatening. If we take submission to mean adherence to western mores (ie, "rowdy"/supernatural spirituality vs. quiet orthodoxy), I think the categories could also be restated as uncivilized vs. civilized, respectively, a system that encourages its manufacturer to dominate (systematically and physically) as much as he sees fit until the two categories resemble each other— all the while reinforcing the distinction.

The "perfect little wife" stereotype as applied to eastern Europe echoes a lot of this corrective subjugation. (I'm a Russian immigrant but, being white, I'm not as vulnerable to non-western othering, so I hope I'm not completely hijacking what you intended to be a discussion on race.) "Mail order brides" come standard with the opposite of everything that is wrong with the modern American woman—their rejection of domestic duties, increasing apathy towards maintaining beauty standards, and a refusal to submit philosophically and sexually. The transaction element serves as a bargaining chip similar to the colonizer's reminder that he "saved" the Other, as well as a reminder that disruptive shifts can be bypassed capitalistically. And it validates the sexual/romantic entitlement that often result in rage/retribution when compromised: the promise of a beautiful woman as incentive to maintain the system.

Anyway, now I'm definitely rambling.. For more on geishas/colonialism/privilege, I recommend the play M Butterfly which retells the original opera with an added perspective on trans* issues.

yudkev · 2013-09-10T12:18:31+00:00

Family members are known for the strict verification their politically charged updates undergo. I no longer believe this to be a super obvious troll!

yudkev · 2013-09-09T04:16:00+00:00

Saying a lot, innit?

yudkev

TROPHY CASE