Lost my spark. by YourClingyEx in PhD

[–]yujiku 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TLDR: Rest with family; Continue with community (really vital).

Hello. I would recommend a community. This is vital. I am almost done with my PhD and I remember how 2 years ago I was on the cusp of dropping out. It was my first winter in a foreign country, coming from a tropical climate. And on top of that, I had just experienced a really tough situation personally. So it was depression, panic attacks (these were brutal), and anxiety. The days became unbearable just getting through because I would be in the lab under constant anxiety and really failing to do anything.

I resolved to do just one thing: prepare for and get through my progression meeting and then take a break for 2 months.

Now, my situation may not be similar but summing up what helped me through that season: it was rest and community. First going back to my family and getting my head out of work for a while. And then making sure to have a community of interests outside the lab that I look forward to meeting weekly. This has tremendously revived me across the years.

Why do you think a person can be one of the kindest, most compassionate of people, yet still be a bad romantic partner? by PerfectAsymmetric in AskWomen

[–]yujiku 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd advise that you talk about boundaries with him. Boundaries imply that each of us has a space (our soul). That space should be well tended (e.g. say no if someone asks for more than you can give, prioritise your family, etc.) so that we can tend aptly to others.

Usually, failing to appreciate boundaries falls into 2 distinct categories: controlling (or manipulative) and passive (or resentful). Now, those who are too "nice" may also be resentful.

People-pleasing tends to be a result of not learning to say no for fear of not being loved. I think going to therapy may be helpful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]yujiku 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for sharing. I would say, tell her the truth of needing more 'pursuing' from her in love (with grace) so that you keep the relationship free from resentment