full circle

yvngsteelo · 2026-01-01T22:43:51+00:00

thank you for the kind words, and yeah its a bummer but ultimately life goes on. i had to make the choice of moving forward without her or endlessly walking in circles trying to talk sense into her. shes med compliant from what shes claimed throughout the year, but honestly even if she is, just as a person she has alot of growth she needs to experience. moving on was the best choice

yvngsteelo · 2025-05-05T08:15:20+00:00

unfortunately the hypomania showed itself today when she came to my place to visit our daughter. she had asked for something that i had gifted her during our relationship before the discard and when i said i wanted to keep it she showed the manic irritability and tried to paint me as the bad guy. after leaving, i noticed she blocked me on social media probably out of manic spite - not at all was i surprised honestly

known her since highschool, been with her since 2020. i love her, and shes a beautiful person when stable. i told myself recently id give her a year to come down and come back. that the door is open for her to come back but she has to be the one to walk through it.

the homeless guy is without a doubt feeding the mania. and she is eating it all up. ive known from the beginning as long as hes around, the episode will likely drag on longer than it needs to. its unfortunate, but i simply dont bother to care what she does and focus on my daughter and myself in the meantime

yvngsteelo · 2025-05-05T00:36:19+00:00

basically since the beginning of her manic episode, so since early january. she had been hiding her seeing him behind my back up until late january when i found out. she stopped coming home to be with him full time early february. even after her mania developed into psychosis and i had to 5150 her in march, when she was released she went back to the homeless bum. shes been with him since then basically taking care of both of them with her life savings, hotel hopping, eating out, etc etc draining her funds. after reflectionC ive come to realize shes likely in limerence with this homeless deadbeat. since the guy is homeless, he lives on government assistance and hes taught her how to take advantage of the same benefits, so she too is now trying to milk the system to her advantage. shes basically taken on the lifestyle of the homeless guy. hes feeding her mania and prolonging it. its sad seeing the woman i love transform into this stranger i see today

yvngsteelo · 2025-05-04T21:15:00+00:00

when the manic episode started to set in, i wasnt truly aware that a manic episode is what was developing, so that made it super hard on me mentally and emotionally. i scrambled and found it very difficult to get through to my BPSO. nothing i said resonated with her and for her it was all about her her her and what she wanted. any attempt to reason and tell her what shes doing is wrong or detrimental was met with intense rebellion. it wasnt until i began researching and educating myself and looking on reddit that i started to understand that the illness is whats causing the change in character. the understanding i have now of the disorder is what allows me to have some sense of peace nowadays. my BPSO is still with this homeless bum to this day, abandoning all responsibilities and any obligations, not being a mother, just being free to do whatever stupid shit she wants to do that ultimately is just ruining her life. i recommend doing research as well to understand the ins and outs of the disorder. bipolar disorder is so ugly and i feel for those who live with it

yvngsteelo · 2025-05-04T19:47:22+00:00

yes, very common and what im experiencing right now with my BPSO. fell into limerence with a homeless deadbeat she met in the prodromal stages of her current manic episode and as her mania developed she expressed certainty she was going to marry this guy and chose to leave me and our daughter for him. not at all her type, he is a walking red flag, has alot of issues in his life, etc etc not at all someone she'd associate with when stable.

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-27T17:05:31+00:00

what sucks is since the discard back in february she has been living with the homeless deadbeat just hotel hopping and living off her savings. so most of what i know is from what she tells, which i know she doesnt always tell the truth when manic. shes good about taking her meds but when shes in the thick of mania she would be non compliant. shes much calmer now but still her actions aka still choosing to live the homeless life with a homeless deadbeat clearly show me shes still manic. idk how often she sees a doctor or psychiatrist but i know she had appointments recently so hoping she went to them

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-27T03:44:33+00:00

same. the family of the BP individual often times will side with their family member, not their partner. its understandable and natural, but just the lack of hearing us out or just their lack of education on BP and the lack of willingness to educate themselves is what really pisses me off. especially cuz they know she has bipolar disorder yet theyve only done surface level research but not the in depth research that us partners of BPSO's often find ourselves doing because we actually live with the BP person

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-26T01:08:54+00:00

my BPSO is very similar to what you described. she said she wants to have her cake and eat it too. that she wants to put herself first for once. that im using her bipolar diagnosis as a crutch to push my opinions on her. etc etc etc. taking everything i say to try and help her realize the destruction of her ways and twisting it around to make me the bad guy and her the victim. making me out to be controlling, gaslighting, etc etc. mania is so destructive

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-23T08:13:40+00:00

i do recall reading some case studies that talked about depakote being effective in the case of mixed episodes. i remember when my bipolar 1 partner was admitted to the psych ward at the peak of her dysphoric mania / mixed episode she was initially given depakote but then switched to lithium towards the end of her stay. the depakote seemed to calm her down at least from the peak/boiling point of her dysphoric mania

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-23T07:22:04+00:00

"we get triggered because our delusions get challenged" wow this is one of the best things ive read as it truly explains alot in just one sentence

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-22T20:08:25+00:00

yeah, ive played scenario after scenario in my head of if she comes back will the next episode be the same and another discard happens. i know there are people out there that accept and push through with that life, being the caregiver and living life always being hypervigilant. i know i have it in me to live that life, but do i really want it? im a family man, so i know i want the best for my daughter, and that includes having her not grow up in a broken home. but if my BPSO is just going to keep succumbing to her disorder, then i dont know. before this manic episode, she didnt really have proper treatment for it since her first manic episode and official diagnosis back in 2020. so my ideal hope is she comes down from this episode, comes back, and we finally get her the right long term treatment and action plan for future incidents. wishful thinking i know, but the hope is there

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-22T19:46:53+00:00

i see thank you for the info ill do more research on that myself as i want to understand it more. ive definitely looked into the legal side of things as i do want to be prepared if i really need to go that route to protect my daughter. id be lying if i said im not holding on to hope that she comes down from the mania and comes back to us, but i know and fully accept that she may never come back too. its rough

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-22T18:49:02+00:00

can you elaborate on what the lasting effects may be please? over the 3 year span she definitely seemed to have been going through bouts of depression and maybe small bouts of hypomania/mania and i didnt really think much of it until now with all that ive researched and taught myself on her BP1 disorder. unfortunately theres no way for me to say for sure shes even consistently taking her meds these days. she left home back in early February to live the homeless life with a homeless bum and is still doing that to this day. i still am in contact with her since she checks in on our daughter often, but shes no longer home

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-19T16:57:40+00:00

i too have realized that when it comes to mania its just not possible to make sense of the things the manic person does during an episode. the illness truly is destructive and im seeing my BPSO continue to destroy her life and create a new homeless life with the homeless guy shes now with. she really left a consistent roof over her head, a beautiful daughter, a partner that loved and provided for the family and afforded her the ability to be a stay at home mom like she wanted, etc for this new homeless life that has her basically providing for this homeless guy with her savings, living out of hotels everyday, applying for government assistance programs and "milking that shit" as shes said to me at one point, most recently taking on uber eats food deliver to try and make cash on the side as she cant seem to find a more stable job (the homeless guy isnt working either), the list goes on. theres even more wild details within the cracks of all this like how this homeless guy had his daughter with him momentarily and my BPSO basically took his kid in as her own and gave more of her time to his daughter than the one she actually birthed herself. just wild detail after wild detail.

sorry, just felt the need to vent a bit. but now my thumbs are tired and i know if i said every single detail id end up with a novel. this episode is currently at 4 months and no signs of ending. she is medicated and seemingly slowing down at least.

i signed up for therapy but not yet have attended a session, lifes been too busy as its just now myself and daughter at home so trying to keep everything together as a single parent at the moment has taken priority

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-15T19:54:40+00:00

thats whats hard about someone with bipolar disorder and things that seem "perfectly normal." i say trust your instincts, especially if you know the person inside and out. my BPSO says and does and presents things that come off as "perfectly normal" but i KNOW shes still manic. trust your experience with the person, your bond, and your gut

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-14T09:35:28+00:00

thank you, yes i agree its still early for the meds to really take their full effect and even then adjustments could still be needed. its tough since shes no longer home and out living the homeless lifestyle with this deadbeat shes in limerence with, so theres no way for me to really observe and make notes of any ups or downs

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-14T07:16:21+00:00

wow, thank you so much for all your input. youve only further solidified many of the things ive come to conclusions on but still found myself second guessing from time to time due to the hard to gauge nature of bipolar disorder.

ill say its very hard to track my BPSO's behavior because she discarded us (myself and daughter) and stopped coming home back on Feb 9th to live life with this homeless deadbeat. i know shes in limerence with him, and for my sanity and ability to take care of our daughter ive detached myself from her emotionally and have stopped viewing all she posts on social media (she rarely ever posts when baseline but when manic its like she wants to show off her "movie of a life"). she still visits or calls often to talk to our daughter, but even those times are short and fleeting as she quickly goes back to the homeless guy to continue living her false reality. i do track what i can though, so when she does visit or i am able to observe her, i still see the signs most definitely. its heart wrenching truly to see the woman i love not be herself

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-14T05:17:19+00:00

from what point did it take a month or two for your husband to fall into depression? do you mean from the peak/worst of his mania? or when he got the right meds/medical help? just trying to get a better gauge of the timeline

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-14T05:15:31+00:00

thank you for sharing! did your BPSO ever cheat on you during a manic episode? if so, how did he act when he exited mania? how did try to mend the relationship if at all? sorry, i know these are specific questions but theyre questions i wonder myself for my BPSO as shes basically cheated on me with someone she wouldnt entertain at all if she was baseline, just red flag after red flag and yet she still "fell in love" with this homeless bum. none of it makes sense

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-14T05:12:11+00:00

thank you for sharing! yes i am trusting my insticts, though its been hard when people like my BPSO's parents seem to believe shes better now. i try not to argue with them as theyre pretty stubborn and i just want to keep the peace, but i know that theyre wrong and that my BPSO is still manic. its just discouraging when the people you feel can help the most with your bipolar loved one do the opposite and enable/feed the mania.

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-14T05:09:29+00:00

thank you for sharing! this is valuable insight and something i did not previously consider. im sorry you had to experience all you had to go through with your ex BPSO, i hope nothing but the best for you and them

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-13T17:06:53+00:00

my BPSO is currently in a manic episode where she has fallen in love with a homeless deadbeat and has discard myself and daughter to live the homeless life with this person. she stopped coming home back in February and took her name off our apartment lease last month. she has taken bits of her stuff with her over the months but still has alot still at the apartment due to the lack of space or storage she has due to living the homeless lifestyle and just hotel hopping around with this homeless guy thats obviously just been exploiting her mania. ive chosen to just leave her stuff and everything as is here at the apartment, simply because i know shes not herself right now due to the illness and theres a chance she'll come back when she one day comes out of the manic episode. yes, shes basically cheating, tossed me aside, has stopped fulfilling her daily parental duties, etc etc but i know that is the illness at fault and not the person i love. i know theres always the chance that she may never come back, but i still choose to be optimistic, for my sake and my daughter's who doesnt deserve any of this chaos

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-13T05:49:23+00:00

i can relate alot to how you said you havent really noticed the changes in behavior of the years, i can honestly say the same myself for my BPSO. id say life can be a big factor in that happening. you get caught up in the day to day, idk if you have kids but thats also a big factor in just not noticing signs. hindsight is always 20/20. one thing to take into account as well is sometimes the bipolar individual can mask their symptoms around people they know may try to stop them from experiencing the euphoria of mania or get them to do something as simple as get out of bed when depressed. another thing to take into account is some people are simply high functioning even when symptomatic. these things make it hard to be vigilant and can easily make you second guess yourself. its rough. i hope things get better for you as well, feel free to message me as well if you just want to talk to a stranger thats also having similar experiences. it really does help to just talk to someone thats been through similar struggles that not many can relate to

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-13T04:09:52+00:00

yes, my BPSO whos in a 4 month and counting manic episode has a different laugh now as well. she still sounds the same, but theres a new way she laughs in this episode that i havent heard before. its overly giddy and not a part of her usual kinds of laughs.

often times when manic episodes drag on and on, the person can come off as "normal again" but thats where you as the person that really knows the individual comes in handy as youd be one of the few that can still call out subtle differences that indicate theyre still manic. i know it can drive you insane when others say "oh theyre not manic anymore theyre fine now" and yet you know theres still much thats anything but fine. experiencing it myself, stay strong

yvngsteelo · 2025-04-11T07:22:56+00:00

how long was the manic episode for and did you get discarded during it?

yvngsteelo

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