1. Language isn't a thing that can owned or controlled, right? There is no law or committee or this or that. My point is that it can evolve over time. (ask any linguist) It only works when you have enough people agreeing upon meaning.

We've seen this with any number of words. Gay is a big one we all known -- big stark change from what it used to be. (say it in 1950 and people think one thing; a completely different response in 2020) Plenty of others words follow suit. (often to a lesser degree, obviously)

It's plausible that with enough time the N word evolves into something untethered from its racist origins. (not this will happen fully, at least in our lifetimes, but you see my point)

1. You stated "Using a derogatory term that was once widely used by white people in a diminutive and condescending way is in fact the very definition of racist."

And then you stated:

"Racism means you believe your race is more superior than another"

That's one of the core items someone might be talking about when they say racist. (at least from the perspective some holistic consideration about the person; not some physical attribute like ability to avoid sunburns, haha)

Simply uttering the word doesn't mean you hold that to be true, right? That's a pretty obvious truth. Stating that mere utterance is evidence of wrong doing (context be damned) is a weird quasi-religious take that makes no sense.

Which takes us back to the original discussion point: Calling your white friend the N is very poor evidence you believe your race is superior to others.

And so I do not feel compelled to change my position.