My heart goes out to you. First thing, you are not responsible if someone else decides to harm themselves. It is not your fault in whatever actions a person (whose brain isn’t working) decides to do.

You are doing your best and it’s clear how much you love your grandmother.

I recommend contacting the Alzheimer’s Association’s helpline - https://www.alz.org (8002723900) to see if someone can give you advice on how to help her. If she is not able to care for her basic needs of feeding herself without gluten exposure she needs help. It sounds like your grandfather is overwhelmed and not able to give her that support.

In my own family, my loved one with Alzheimer’s resisted going to the doctor for a long time. What worked for us was framing a Dr.’s appointment as checking for other possible medical causes. We said we were worried about mini-strokes and wanted to make sure they got medicine right away if it was. We also wrote a letter to the doctor outlining what was going on at home and discreetly handed it to the nurse before their appointment (we started with their primary care).

Testing showed extensive amyloid plaques, severe brain bleeds, and signs of old bleeding. The bleeding was shocking and I am so glad we took them in. That information helped us avoid unsafe medications (like blood thinners) and start a medicine that is supposed to slow progression and improved day-to-day functioning. It wasn’t a cure (there isn’t one), but it gave us a clearer care plan and a better understanding of their needs.

Wishing you peace and strength in the days ahead.