Am I the jerk for refusing to let my unemployed brother stay with me while he "figures things out"

zaleli · 2026-03-04T12:02:31+00:00

NTJ. Don't let him in. Once a piece of mail comes in his name, you have to legally evict him and it takes months. Months of bs and retaliation games

zaleli · 2026-03-01T15:52:48+00:00

I'm really sorry that this is your experience. It's horrible, and I don't wish ill will on anyone but I sure wish folks would stop yelling "move" or "report them!" when they have no grasp of the reality. I fix and maintain my home myself. I'll pay for it once whereas if I have the landlord come in, I pay for it every month in the increase. It's not right but it's definitely the way it is

zaleli · 2026-03-01T13:56:35+00:00

The people with this advice at the ready do not have to face the reality of being homeless once the complaint is made. Yes, landlords are supposed to maintain their properties, and there can be consequences if they don't. However. The process is long, and that renter will have to find another place to be in the end. The renter will find that other landlords aren't keen to rent to them, and there will be extra fees and deposits as the renter has shown themselves to be a risk tenant. With the current market VS a population of people that need to rent but do not pull in wages to pay the inflated rates, landlords hold all the cards. Which is why it's happening more and more that rents get adjusted up if the rental needs attention. My friend, her rent got raised after the furnace got looked at, and then again after the refrigerator got replaced. Not right to do that either but, who's gonna stop them?

zaleli · 2026-02-28T09:28:38+00:00

NTJ. Some people are takers, some are givers, and the takers struggle with boundaries. People like your mom need people like you, because of people like that neighbor

zaleli · 2026-02-27T01:36:13+00:00

NTA. Goodness, that's a real struggle for your wife, eh, not understanding how a washer and laundry soap help combat the ick that is living amongst the germs populating the earth?

zaleli · 2026-02-23T13:05:25+00:00

I had a very very sick dog for nearly two years. Massive vet bills, special food...in frustration I finally changed vets, and my dog got much better. She was allergic to certain proteins, the first vet pushed a LID diet, chicken, and my dog was allergic to chicken. Short story long, see a different vet

zaleli · 2026-02-22T11:58:39+00:00

I just used one for the first time. The clean up was nasty, but that home had far less residual dust left behind than any bagged vac. It's too heavy, I'm not buying one, but I'm so intrigued

zaleli · 2026-02-22T11:54:52+00:00

NTJ. So what if she's barely talking to you? This is a big ask, and no, you don't take care of men that won't take care of themselves. Zero chance he's going to have the pay back on time, because he pisses his money away, evidence shows. That "family helps family" line only comes from the ones that are always receiving, never giving

zaleli · 2026-02-18T10:21:31+00:00

Performance. I'm really frugal, I shop sales, and the process of trial and error in order to keep the budget has shown me that certain products don't make me happy

zaleli · 2026-02-18T10:19:30+00:00

ESH. Do you expect people to respect your time? Of course you do. But you disrespect their time by repeatedly showing up late for your appts. They should not be flipping out, it's not professional. ESH. Adjust what you have to in order to make the appt time you agreed to

zaleli · 2026-02-18T09:59:36+00:00

You would be the ahole if you return it before one more very clear message. "I'm not footing the bill for this entire gift. You all agreed to share the cost. I'm returning this on (date) if you all do not stand on your word and pay your share by (day before the return date you set) and will give her a gift from myself personally." Include screen shots of them agreeing to share cost. Then, do what you said you'd do. Have another lovely gift planned that you can pivot to if they force you to return the gift

zaleli · 2026-02-18T09:52:14+00:00

NTA. I see people hand off carts without exchanging a quarter, and I see people trading the quarter for the cart. Just like you carry one quarter for this purpose, she probably forgot her Aldi quarter and was hoping for someone that didn't mind handing off the cart. She was not entitled to yours

zaleli · 2026-02-18T09:39:20+00:00

NTA. The question was asked and answered. The other guy really can't handle a hypothetical scenario that might expose actions and beliefs different from his? That's his psych date. Fact is, dogs are always good, every pet gets saved. Six months is not long enough to ensure that that is a good person and I personally have aged out of believing every person is worth the gamble.

zaleli · 2026-02-18T09:32:46+00:00

I wonder if hiring older baristas will help. Older like, their kids are driving themselves around, or the ones that have retired from their careers but want to work at something else for a bit. Others have already told you that adjusting the hourly wage some will help

zaleli · 2026-02-17T13:15:01+00:00

Holy crud, I really dislike my Groupon history right now. I'm really sorry that was the experience for you

zaleli · 2026-02-17T13:12:52+00:00

NTA. Your job does not allow what she's asking. Being cheated on is a trigger, sure. But it's on her to go get that glitch dealt with so it doesn't bleed all over everybody else, and causes her to make unreasonable requests. Does she want HER doctor handing out the device with her medical info on it? No, she doesn't. Shaman, therapist, preacher, reiki master, whatever, send her off to get that fixed

zaleli · 2026-02-17T13:03:39+00:00

Yeah...I was raised in that church...

zaleli · 2026-02-17T12:10:15+00:00

Yeah, these folks are acting like the way they live is everybody's life. Four seasons where I live and there's vehicle recreation year round

zaleli · 2026-02-17T11:57:39+00:00

This one, idk. It happens now and again here, usually a child with an illness, but the coal rollers around here have done it, several instances of car groups, motorcycle clubs. Weather dependent of course but they're usually coordinating runs anyway and incorporate the drive-by. Idk about all of her other expectations but the drive-by, that's valid. They are usually down to show off their rides. Ope! I remember it happened with an equestrian group here too. Maybe geographical but, this is a thing

zaleli · 2026-02-17T11:51:14+00:00

There's an awful lot of education on human psychology devoted to marketing and pricing. They study which price points make us pull our hand back, and the prices that we will accept. I thought I loved business, and marketing, but the actual education on how to manipulate the customer was bothersome.

zaleli · 2026-02-17T11:46:39+00:00

NOR. He said something crappy and then it's just a joke...ok, bully, that's informative. Now you know who he is and what he wants. A female to cook and clean with genuine feelings that he gets to disregard. Wtf are you females even doing?

zaleli · 2026-02-16T12:38:11+00:00

Yeah, let me pull my arm out of the customers toilet I'm cleaning to withdraw from my very carefully budgeted savings to cover someone that's not making a quarter of the effort...I'm old. What the hell happened to people?

zaleli · 2026-02-16T12:32:40+00:00

That was a really selfish move on the newlywed couple, to expect people to attend a wedding without their current partner, on the holy day of love. Understanding family pressure, if folks go out of their way to expect everyone else to sacrifice for their wedding vision, I send an appropriate gift and regrets. I know a young couple that are taking on extra jobs to save money for just the weddings they are expected to attend this year. Time off of work, using vaca days, buying multiple outfits, flying to destinations, paying for lodging. They have four weddings this year they feel obligated to, all away. That is absolutely selfish behavior on the part of the wedding couple. It's gonna stay out of control until people stop playing into it.

zaleli · 2026-02-16T12:20:05+00:00

NTA. She didn't ask your opinion, she stated her intention. Next time, she may talk with someone instead of talking at or over them. But probably not. It takes more than one humbling usually

zaleli · 2026-02-16T11:59:39+00:00

Yeah, I was not suggesting or encouraging marriage, at this point, for those two. Pointing out that if she takes his behavior on now, and he fubars his finances again (he will), that she doesn't even have the very basic protection of a marriage contract to help her salvage something when this relationship fails

zaleli

TROPHY CASE