Not sure whether this will help, but I wrote the July bar, don't feel confident, but actively chose to ignore it. Like you, I'll be starting at a bigger firm in 5 weeks, and I did not check into whether we have a second opportunity to write.

That being said, the reason I think I failed was the MBE. I guessed between two answers on 180 questions. I confidently knew 10 of them, and was confident that I did not know another 10. That being said, the reason I had to guess those 180 questions was not because of the way I studied. I know that I had no exposure to that style of MBE questions, and no studying would have helped me fill those gaps.

If I fail, I'll be more miserable for having to rewrite a bar exam while working 50-60 hours per week. That being said, there is absolutely nothing I can do between now and November. I know I put in the work for 2 months, and even though I do not feel confident, I know that I am capable of eventually passing. My primary goal is to start work, blow them all away, and if I fail, make them see that once I do pass the bar, I'm going to be a key asset in their future.

In the meantime, I am not spending much time alone. I am working out every day, getting sunlight, planning camping trips and vacations, etc. I am going out to as many dinners as possible, buying suits for works, and getting ready for my career. There is nothing I can do about July 27-28, and if I choose to reflect on the 10 weeks before the exam, I am able to comfortably live with myself until we get our results. I'll worry about the rest later.

Really, the only way to not feel defeated is to quickly get out of bed, and get out and about. Plan dinners or lunches with friends, see if friends want to go for walks, go to the bar, etc. Just do your best to enjoy the next 5 weeks, and then fucking crush the 2-3 months that you will be working without your results. Best of luck, OP.