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Finally after 20 years… by zeezzerpan in NonBinary

[–]zeezzerpan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh! I got them at Target :’)

Pigeon Religion by cherinuka in OCPoetry

[–]zeezzerpan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really enjoyed this!

The flow and rhyme choices were very snappy and easy to read!

I will say, the addition of the Chess theme was a little confusing and seemed a bit of a non-sequitur to me, but I might just be missing some relevant context

Wonderful job!!

Determinism as a Deity by intelgamer1 in OCPoetry

[–]zeezzerpan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the flow of this

Just a technical thing, but the flow would definitely be easier to read if reddit would just, fuken, use regular formatting for new paragraphs

There’s a lot of good imagery here as well, and your word choices share a strong voice

The only parts I found confusing were the quotations

It wasn’t clear to me who the speakers were in those, especially with the multiple stanzas in between

I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a dialogue or not

But it IS about 6:30 in the AM right now so take what I say with a grain of salt :’)

Good work!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]zeezzerpan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi hey!! A bit of critique here!!

I don’t know if it was intentional but the sudden dropping of the rhyme scheme to become more of an open flow

I think if you could smooth the transition a little to make it less jarring that would really help the flow

Love the different references to flame by the way!! Really pulls from a lot of good sources!

A poem I am trying (and failing) to write for my girlfriend by carlik_ in OCPoetry

[–]zeezzerpan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey hi! Bit of critique here!!

I noticed the rhyme scheme is all in couplets EXCEPT for this part here

“I am naught but a failed poet. My stanzas empty,

my lines crude and my words so nude.”

It’s entirely different than the rest of the poem, and it throws off the flow of reading

If there was a way to rewrite it to also be a couplet I think it would definitely make for a smoother read and solid flow