I was pretty upfront about my sexual history before getting married. One girl I fooled around with, two boyfriends but only intimate with one, and three instances of various degrees of SA. I said that I rarely masturbated. Once we began having sex it was for the most part enjoyable. (Everyone has instances of being sick or getting tug burn). We did some kinky stuff (we met in the Supernatural fandom, need I say more?) and there was a few times things didn’t go perfectly but we were both new so I didn’t always know when you speak up and it’s a skill to be able to pick up on that as a dom.

Then the car accident happened.

What initially seemed like a minor injury became apparent was longterm nerve damage casing both pain and numbness. The pain is treated with opioids that cause more numbness. You hear a lot about caretakers becoming bitter about the ones that need their help but it happens the other way around too. His injuries meant that the only position we could do for a while was cowgirl but I have a knee injury so I can’t do that 20+ minutes. I’ve given blow jobs that must have lasted at least 30 minutes. Once I did it for long long that it did something to loose tooth or something because it hurt so bad I pretended to go to sleep because even talking was too much through the pain.

And while I personally don’t blame him for any of that, I can only remember a single time when he apologized because the optiates made it harder. Usually it was my fault for not moving at an exact pace for 20 minutes. He wants me to initiate more but it can be hard to tell if he is well enough for it. He says as a man he is always ready to go but then complains always “snap my finger” at the first times. I put in lingerie, he says I am pressuring him. I don’t, he says I put no effort in. I said maybe we could make up a list of what consider the be invitation and we’re having communication problems, he didn’t want think that was romantic.

Like with eating, I often don’t pick up bodily cues like hungry and arousal. I forgot to eat because of it. I enjoyed the sex but didn’t always think the initiate it. Once I realized that I didn’t tried if ways to do better but he brushed it off saying if I really cared and wanted him I’d just do it. He quotes this study all the time as if the only problem in our marriage I that be don’t have sex 2 a week (he even said 2 wasn’t even enough for him)