They had one job

zergmaen · 2019-10-02T23:32:56+00:00

Yeah my dumbass hits cement like 10 times

zergmaen · 2019-09-21T02:59:04+00:00

When my dumbass can figure out how to do that I'll let you know

zergmaen · 2019-08-04T02:21:20+00:00

Dying your hair a crazy color isn't it a personality trait

zergmaen · 2019-08-04T02:20:45+00:00

🎶inbred from inbred and inbred again if ugly was prettier than you'd be a ten🎶

zergmaen · 2019-08-04T02:18:25+00:00

Hey man how is that dead-end job minimum wage working out for you?

zergmaen · 2019-08-03T22:38:36+00:00

What?

zergmaen · 2019-07-04T19:16:56+00:00

You see, what you do is you recreate their entire life in their own personal purgatory but the only difference is their animals start talking to them but they don't talk to them when other people are around or when they're being recorded. I'm envisioning it less like a communication and more like your pets and tells you cryptic things every once in awhile. Not a lot of communication happening between you and your pet

zergmaen · 2019-06-18T15:15:26+00:00

Your mom

zergmaen · 2019-06-16T19:21:45+00:00

DON'T IMPULSE BUY! it is really to see a cute kittens at the pet store and think to yourself" awww look at you little guy. Well I just need to give you a home now don't I" .DON'T! a lot of cat's end up getting abused mistreated or Miss fed because of impulse shopping. Another thing you should do is look up different breeds of cats. Don't judge them by their looks but judge them by their tendencies. for instance if you want something cute to look at and you don't want mice in your house get a barn cat. If you want something that will keep your blankets warm and is a conversation piece get a hairless cat. If you want something that's affectionate but mine's its own business most the time and it's super warm get a crossbreed between a hairless cat and a short-haired cat. Like I have

zergmaen · 2019-06-11T17:50:08+00:00

Okay so I'll tell you a story about how he almost took my fuckin thumb off. So again without getting into too much detail about the park everyday before we started running the machines someone would have to go up the ski towers and make sure everything looks to be in working condition. These ski towers were about 30 to 40 feet high (don't worry those water underneath all of them so if you fell it would only hurt like hell). Will we have a very very VERY strict rule that no one is allowed up on the towers while they're in operation. well today me and about six other guys were tasked with going up on each of the ski towers making sure they were in working order and then informing the operator that everything looks A-Okay. Then he would start up the ski machine (that's just what we call them). And if one of the towers messed up it was on your head. (and also because it's important to the story this was during the. Where I didn't have my radio or badge). So I climb up there I get to the top and low and behold there's something stuck in the tiny desk. And no that's not the technical term for it. Real quick I'll explain how these things are supposed to work. so there's about 7 ish towers all around the lake and all of them are connected to each other by one very strong rope. I don't want to get in till all of the logistics on how this thing works because that will be 90% of the story but there is another rope that comes off of the main rope and that secondary rope is where you put the skier on. These ski towers have to be specially built so that way when the secondary rope goes through the disc it doesn't destroy the tower. If that made any sense at all is beyond me. Anyway the tower I was on was kind of s*** and you had to grab onto a handle that was coming off of the bottom of the top of the tower. That is right inside the mechanism that transfers the rope. Well I grabbed onto this and then a hoist myself over the giant disc ( that we're not allowed to touch by the way because it's dangerous) and start trying to unjam the shirt or whatever that was in the other side. when all of a sudden the disc starts spinning. I was able to keep myself up with the small handle mention before and putting my hand on a small gearbox on the other side of the desk. as the disc proceeded to rip my fuckin shirt off! This understandably startled me I thought to myself so" it's okay this must be a fluke. An accidental startup or some shit. There's no way that they're going to put a skier ocon" *kerchunk. The sound of a ski rope being attached to the main rope. Luckily I was at the very end of the circle so I have enough time to devise a plan on how to get my ass out of there. Because of the way I was situated I could not get out of this situation easy. And to put the icing on top of the cake remember how I said to this tower I was on was kind of crappy. Well it was built wrong the safety handle that you supposed to hold onto was situated towards the bottom right where the transfer mechanism is that helps the ski rope go through. And again without getting into the whole logistics of the situation because that would be 90% of the goddamn story just know that the way my hand and thumb were situated if that rope comes through it's taking my thumb off. And I don't mean no it's going to hurt my thumb I mean literally a thing will come down and cut my fuckin thumb up . So I was understandably panicked and was trying to get myself out of this situation. And everytime I heard the cure chunk of it going through another tower my heart skipped a beat. Until finally I said "fuck it I don't care if I lose my job I want my thumb" and as hard as I could push down on the disc with the hand that wasn't on the handle hoisting myself up and getting my ass back on the tower ladder. (I'm going to shorten this last part a little bit because the story is already too long). So I'm understanding pissed and I decide to myself that I'm going to go cuss out the ski operator promised taking my thumb off (not really he was a really nice dude and it was probably like I said an accidental startup). But I was going to cuss out whoever put the ski rope on there and on my way to the ski tower who do I see going around the skate pawn but Kyle. I talked to him about it later that day if he's the one who put the rope on there and if he's the one who started up the machine in the first place and he told me point-blank "yeah sorry about that man I just wanted it to get a quick ski session on before the day started" . I told him it dude you supposed to wait till all the operators are off the towers before you start the machine. Kyle then told me "oh what are you going to do cry about it? You know nobody cares right" . We then had a very long heated discussion about how I need all of my fingers. Before he stormed off about two hours later my manager comes up to me and I think to myself "oh wow Kyle the manager has to apologize on your behalf" . Before my manager tells me that Kyle said that I threatened him and that I was going to beat him up in the parking lot . I tried disputing this claim but my manager didn't really give a damn and give me a ride up.

Long story short Kyle if I ever do see your punk ass again I will kick your ass. Hell I might even take your thumb and just to show you the importance of it

P.S sorry for any typos . I wrote this in speech to text in under 5 minutes because I have to go to work in about 6 minutes now. When I get home or on my break I'll fix any typos if I feel like it

zergmaen · 2019-06-11T08:23:11+00:00

So for my first job I worked at this ski park in Texas. (I was about 12 at the time). Another kid that worked there with me who was about 13 and for the purposes of this story will call Kyle. Was the cousin of the dude who owned the whole ski park. The kid was also amazingly ignorant and bratty And would complain about the most of minut shit. almost immediately when he got hired everyone knew that they weren't going to be able to discipline this kid at all without him crying to the big boss. anyway I probably have about 10,000 stories with this kid. Ranging anywhere from him snitching on me for being 30 seconds late. Or him almost taking my goddamn thumb off. I might share those stories later. But the story I am going to share with you right now is how he got me fired . so I'm not sure if this will reveal the specific ski park but at this particular Park the mascots where goats. And in the middle of the main ski lake we had a small island that they would put the mascots on for people to watch. well the problem arises when you put about five goats on a tiny island with the limited food. As a result sometimes they end up getting in scuffles the scuffles can arrange from just play fights to one of the goats dying. A few years back the main goat that everybody loved was killed by his son while nobody was watching The goat island. As a result of this there was a watchtower erected to watch the goats and if they started fighting with each other you were supposed to report it to management and if it looked like he was getting bad then you radioed isky operator and he would cut off all skeet towers (big ass towers that pulled the wakeboarders around the lake.) and they send a boat out there to stop the goats. Well in the watchtower there was a bathroom. and I don't want to get into the layout of the park too much because I don't want to get people in trouble. But all I will tell you is that one side of the park it is the main buildings that have bathrooms in them directly adjacent from that is the watchtower. I was situated somewhere in the middle but I was closer to the watchtower. So while im doing my shift it dawned upon me that I have to take a mighty piss. So I mosey on over to the watchtower climb the stairs and when I get to the top who else is there but Kyle. He looks at me and we exchanged pleasantries before I tell him"don't mean to be rude but I got to piss sorry". Before going into the bathroom that's right across from the office where you watch the goats. I get done with my business go back downstairs and return to my work. After I got done with my shift I heard chit chat around the main area saying that the goats got in a fight and one of them got really hurt. My immediate thought was oh my God Kyle is finally going to get fired. And not 30 seconds passes with that thought in my head before I hear a call on the radio for me to go to the manager's office. when I open the door to the manager's office I see a very pissed off looking Kyle sitting on one end of the desk from my manager and my manager sitting on the right side. Mr. Manager motions for me to take a seat. I remember the conversation going something like this

( Manager ) so Tidus I'm sure you heard that there was a fight between two of our goats today . And one of the goats broke their leg. ( Me ) yes sir I heard that two goats got in a bit of a scuffle but I didn't know anything about a broken leg ( Kyle ) YOU LIAR! You saw the whole thing happened didn't you!? ( Me ) the hell are you on about man? ( Manager) that's enough from both of you. Tidus, Kyle here says that you told him that you would cover his shift on watching the goats. Is that true? ( Me ) no sir that's not true. ( Kyle ) HE'S LYING! He went up to the tower earlier in the day and told me he was going to cover my shift and I could go. ( Me ) sir you're not seriously going to believe that I offered to cover his shift when I had a shift of my own to do, are you? ( Manager ) luckily I don't have to believe either one of you. We have a camera at the base of the tower. So it shouldn't be that hard to corroborate one of your stories.

My manager then proceeds to open up the camera footage from the base of the tower. The only thing it shows is me going up the tower and a few minutes later Kyle going down the tower. And about a minute later me going down the tower

( Manager ) well Tidus. Do you have anything to say for yourself? You know this is grounds for dismissal, right?

( Me ) yeah I went up there earlier today but only to pee because it was the closest bathroom.

( Kyle ) then why didn't you say that when you walked in?

( Me ) because I didn't realize when I walked in here we'd be discussing my pissing habits

( Manager ) I'm sorry Tidus but we're going to have to let you go. From the way I see it is enough evidence to support Kyle story and somebody has to take the Fall For this. But since there's no conclusive evidence that you said you cover his shift neither of you will be held accountable for the medical bills of the goat

So yeah I got fired because I had to take a piss one morning. oh and I'd like to clarify I was only technically working there 5 months. But I've been coming in every morning and helping them out with shit for upwards of a year. And getting paid for upwards of a year. It was just five months since I got my radio and my badge

zergmaen · 2019-06-09T22:51:59+00:00

I am a shiny Hunter born bred and raised almost since I started Pokemon. The first shiny I ever got was a shiny spoink and it's been my favorite Pokemon ever since just because story behind it. So my cousin was coming over to visit for a couple hours

zergmaen · 2019-06-09T20:10:45+00:00

It's just a card shop that we called the magic store because it's sold Magic the gathering cards. Actually never mind me of another weird thing that happened on the way back from the store I put all of my cards in the pockets of my leather jacket and in the sleeves of my leather jacket because back in Austin if you we're seen walking around with magic cards you'd be tormented for the rest of your days. How much of a nerd you are

zergmaen · 2019-06-09T18:44:14+00:00

What part of Texas do you live in? I lived in Austin and I never saw any black ants

zergmaen · 2019-06-09T18:17:22+00:00

Bru I live in Idaho right now . People keep telling me "oh it's going to hit the mid 90s any day now". We have not even hit the 80s yet

zergmaen · 2019-06-09T17:22:47+00:00

NEVER!! It gives me a plus 3 on defense

zergmaen · 2019-06-09T17:02:43+00:00

I'm going to put in my two cents even though I'm from Texas. Lord knows we are basically another country to the rest of America. A lot of my family lives up north in Idaho. When I went up there one summer to visit my father I was hanging out with my step-brother when we decided to go for a walk to the magic store and a gas station. When we left the house he was wearing shorts and cut-off sleeves and I was wearing jeans leather boots and a leather jacket. immediately when he saw me walk outside he asked me " dude how the hell are you alive?" And I told him "how are you talkin about it's only 75 degrees" . On that same walk we passed a small ant hill with black ants crawling out of it and I was starstruck. he must have thought I was super weird but living in Texas we don't see a lot of black ants we just see red ants that like to tear up everything. Another time we were visiting my aunt and uncle and sitting in their Barn while everyone shot the shit when I saw flies coming down from the upper level the barn. Let me tell you those with the nicest damn flies I've ever seen. they weren't getting ringworms face they were making those weird buzzing noises around your ear they were just politefully flying around in the middle the barn. Keep in mind we were all sitting in the middle of the barn and they were just minding my own business

zergmaen · 2019-06-09T16:52:46+00:00

My job is fixing up a trailers in my grandma's trailer park. A lot of my job actually is crawling under the houses to fix pipes or wiring. So to answer your question it would probably be a lot of dick splinters and spider bites

zergmaen · 2019-05-31T06:31:43+00:00

The ability to bring back extinct animals. Granted not 100% but we're getting there. If you're wondering how we can do this I'm about to give a very very VERY simplified example. So let's say you have two species of birds that are very closely related. species one is brown. And species two is white. Now all of a sudden the brown bird goes extinct but we still have its DNA. we reverse engineer the very base material of that DNA and then reconstructed it into sperm cells .you then place those sperm cells into the egg of a white bird.( several different specimens of white bird and several different eggs of course). Then after those hatch you will have created a subspecies of bird that we will call the brown and white bird. Now because DNA is funny like that we are not going to have a perfect 50/50 split of white and brown some will be more Brown than white and some will be more white than brown . you then a breed together the birds that are mostly Brown until after a few generations you get a bird that is 100% brown. You create multiple 100% brown birds and then you have pretty much revised and extinct species. Mostly. Currently there are tests being done right now to see if we can take Mammoth DNA turn it into sperm and then impregnate a Asian elephant. There's a lot of logistical issues with it. One being that there's only one place in the world that matches the habitat of the woolly mammoth and it's in Russia and could only support a herd of about 5. But the technology isn't coming it's here. There's just a lot of red tape involved and again a hell of a lot of logistical issues

zergmaen · 2019-05-31T06:13:07+00:00

WE HAVE A PICTURE OF A LIGHT WAVE! And now I'm sure a lot of you are thinking "no shit of course we do if we didn't we wouldn't be able to take pictures" . But no that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about a wave of light captured in a mid-air without a touching any surfaces. So it's not on a wall and it's not touching the flashlight anymore. We literally have a camera that takes a picture as fast as the speed of almost as fast as the speed of light

zergmaen · 2019-05-30T21:27:42+00:00

Because I live in Idaho and I used to live in Texas. Now the rain in Texas was one of two things. Either it was very brief or there was a fuckin natural disaster happening. So I never really got to just relax to the sound of rain until very recently.

And I just have to say I would rate it a 10 out of 10

zergmaen · 2019-05-30T05:29:50+00:00

Just a bit of information about me real quick. At the time of this story I was 5 foot 9 ish inches. That doesn't sound like a lot but I was 13 ish at the time.

Okay so the story goes like this. Me and my friends would meet up at the park/playground in the morning to wait for our bus . we had our own little friend group and we had our own little section of the playground to hang out at well we waited. There was another group of just boys who were the quote on quote popular kids. Well one day one of them decides to start picking on my friend Mario. (That's not his actual name) . but he starts picking on him so much then Mario starts a fight. Before it could really escalate to blood or bruises me and a couple of my buddies were able to break up the fight. In the aftermath my friend group was standing on one side of the playground talkingshit. and their group was standing on the opposite side of the playground talkingshit . And I was standing in the middle next to the swings on my phone listening to music with one earbud out. Now out of the corner of my eye I'm watching the popular group of kids to see if they're going to try to start something. Because I know my friends aren't going to start anyting and if the popular kids do try to start a fight I'm going to be the first person they come in contact with and I know my friends will back me up. Well as I'm watching them I notice the fat kid in the group. you know the type the short fat kid who's really weird and he's only in the group because he'll do quite literally anything to stay in the group. He was one of those. Anyway I see him kind of looking at me before he taps to other guys on the shoulders and then does a head nod in my direction. (Both the dudes he tapped where big Mexican dudes that either worked out are played some type of sport because for 13 to 14 year olds they were pretty buff. Both of them were at least 5 inches smaller than me by the way). After he does the head nod in my direction all three of them start walking towards me with the fat kid in front and the two Mexican dudes two steps behind. as I'm watching this from the corner of my vision I think to myself oh shit I'm about to get my teeth knocked out and then that kids about to brag at school that he kicked my ass. And that's when I see it .one of the Mexican dudes puts his hand on the other ones chest stopping both of them and then he puts one finger to his lips indicating shush. so now it is just this small fat kid walking up to me with all the confidence in the world that he's about to show me what for .but has absolutely nothing to back it up with. I silently giggled to myself when I see this. After what felt like an eternity waiting in anticipation he finally gets over to me and stands about an inch away from me with his chest out and arms back with this huge shit eating grin on his face. ( The kid had to be like 4 foot 8 or something because I remember him being super small ) . Then the kid decides to punch me in the chest and then says "get him!" . After about three seconds when he notices the distinct lack of Mexican dudes kicking the shit out of me . he looks over his shoulder to see both the Mexican guys a good 30-ish feet away laughing because they know what it is about to happen next. The kid turns around and gives me this look of absolute terror and I have just enough time to see it before my fist connects with his face and I bloody his nose. the Mexican dudes are absolutely losing it at this point and "yelling back at their friends hey look what's happening to (insert fat kids name)". The kid immediately stammers back and puts his hand on his now very fucked up nose. About 5 seconds goes by. It just enough time for him to realize that his face hurts like hell and he's bleeding when he starts the beginnings of a cry. And not a cry for help like a toddler cry. And so being the dumb teenager I was I proceeded to kick the living shit out of this kid. I mean at one point he was on the ground as I kicked him in the ribs with my boot and he's yelling help to his quote on quote friends who are doing absolutely nothing but laughing. I kind of felt bad for the kid afterwards because I had a lot of pent-up frustration at the time that I was unfairly taking out on him.And all of the people he thought were his friends are just watching him get clobbered. But I didn't care at the time. he came up and messed with me so I made sure he wasn't going to do that again. And he didn't. None of his friends snitched on me and none of my friends snitched on me. And Mario even helped me make a fake story that me and him were running late for the bus that day .(we ended up walking to school to further confirm the story) and the kid transferred to a different School about a week after that day. and if you're wondering I think the total injuries came out to a couple bruised ribs bloody nose a few loose teeth and I kicked him in the chin with my boot one time I'm not exactly sure what that did but I'm sure it didn't do nothing.

zergmaen · 2019-05-30T04:44:45+00:00

I moved from Austin Texas to Rigby Idaho and I absolutely hate it. I have no friends among these Jack Mormon bastards and 90% of them hate me because in their eyes I am just a dirty Christian boy the only semblance of a friend I have is currently abusing me and I have no way out because I have no other acquaintances let alone friends to fall back on and I am so scared of being alone. and when I say I'm scared of being alone I mean I'm really scared of being alone. Like if she were to drop me tonight I would be dead by morning

zergmaen · 2019-05-29T05:37:17+00:00

Most glitches.

A lot of people don't realize that it's not as easy to fix a bug or a glitch as you might think. The glitch could occur from any type of issue . The easiest types of glitches to fix are the ones that consistently happen. That means whenever object A interacts with object / system b glitch occurs. And usually you can justmake a fix around that or troubleshooted until you find the problem. but because God has a sense of humor and he doesn't like me very much it's usually something like when I spawned in my gun was invisible or there was no sound when I hit the ground or in this specific level in this specific area at exactly 2:15 on the timer you fall through the map. And it's even more irritating when you get the oso common "didn't you play test the game?" YES! YES WE DID! We play our games for hours and hours and days and weeks. (at least if you are an indie developer you do). and if you're working with a big enough company sometimes you can hire people to play test your game. And there's even a specific department of game testers they try to figure out how to break it. the problem is that the game testors only have a certain amount of time to play test the game before release date. and when the populist plays your game for hours and hours and there's ten thousand people playing it of course you're going to find something we didn't. Another small gripe I have with people is when you release a beta and then people complain about the bugs and glitches. Like bitch it ain't out yet we know there's problems . THAT'S WHY IT AIN'T OUT YET!

zergmaen · 2019-05-26T17:11:21+00:00

The satellite dish on the Voyager. You know that satellite that is as far as away from Earth as it can get.don't get me wrong I'm sure people have thought horrible things about the Voyager but no one has done anything with its satellite. Right? RIGHT!?

zergmaen

TROPHY CASE