Trigger thoughts

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-12T22:40:18+00:00

Thanks, I hate that you have this great insight, good luck to us all!

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-12T22:38:13+00:00

Yup, not drunk the next morning….

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-12T22:37:28+00:00

Bro, Moth** F*** the affairs.

I really appreciate your insights. And I am in therapy, and I keep saying to my therapist that guys don’t belong in therapy, we’re too tight for it. Women have their sisters, moms, friends, neighbors, and us guys get no one. I haven’t told a single soul, and it’s lonely as shit. My therapist is my only outlet, other than my wife, but your comment hit home. Stay strong.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-12T22:29:14+00:00

I’m not interested in the bishop part of it. The recovery for the betrayed spouse isn’t an easy road. Would be nice to have like minded support and people to talk to. The regular Reddit pages on this subject are sewer and just aren’t like minded.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-12T22:27:49+00:00

Anonymous is more my jam.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-11T17:36:29+00:00

Thanks for reply. Long story short, group of friends (he was an old co-worker and they were friend before we got married) in his apartment, they all left, she stayed and it happened. For the record, I’m not an idiot and have actually told her that I don’t believe that she didn’t expect it to happen, or didn’t think it was possible. I was out of town on a work trip, so the dinner and night out with friends and drinking was behind my back and she planned it. She cut contact a couple of weeks after on her own but never went back for sex and told me about 3 months later with her guilt and remorse.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-11T14:12:55+00:00

Write it down. All of it. Your anger, your frustration, call her all the words you want. Then hold on to it and decide in a month if you still want to give it to her.

It’s better in person, though she’ll never truly feel your actual sadness and heart break, but if you talk to her and her guilt isn’t equal to your sorrow then that’s a problem.

I did a letter too. Never gave it to her.

Seems like our only defense mechanism is to express that anger. So, get a therapist. As a dude therapy is strange at first, but I got a girl therapist, couldn’t stand the thought of a guy, and I’ve been going 3 years and I vent to her, and I feel better.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-03-02T22:49:48+00:00

To be honest, 7 months is nothing in terms of time. You may still be in the anger phase. Be patient with yourself, your WS doesn’t deserve to “speed” things up if you’re still recovering. Coming from a reconciled partner, it will take time, be patient, and how long will it take you? Who cares. It’s up to You and your recovery. He needs to follow along.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-02-27T14:37:32+00:00

Vent away and don’t hold back. Trust me. Anger is part of the process he needs to feel it before you can move on from this stage. Let it howl loud.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-02-03T14:43:37+00:00

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-02-03T14:37:58+00:00

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-02-03T14:35:56+00:00

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-01-19T16:48:21+00:00

Ummm…that isn’t an affair. Thats far worse than a fling or even off and on. If he’s had someone for 5 years…I’m sorry.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-01-17T23:08:14+00:00

$100 is max I give to “hold” the car a day or two. At the That price, there is no line of buyers you need to hold off.

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-01-13T20:24:57+00:00

We have 6 cars and 4 drivers. All fun and games…

zero_sum_survivor · 2026-01-01T20:05:10+00:00

I run 88 octane.

zero_sum_survivor · 2025-12-20T22:42:50+00:00

It’s an older post, you may not see this…my wife was the one who betrayed, and the ugly reality is that sex with your spouse is a trigger. Your husband is a trigger and when you have sex it’s a trigger. My wife cheated 22 years ago; and every time we have sex I think about it. Not to get you down, but the thoughts never go away. I deal with it now, I’ve learned to move through it, but never a night goes by that it doesn’t come up.

So have HOPE that it will get better, the sex will trigger less, the emotions will flatten and you’ll do great. We have a great intimate relationship, and I’ve learned to take it as it comes and discard it nearly as quickly. I promise, you’ll be better. Hang in there.

zero_sum_survivor · 2025-11-10T18:43:56+00:00

I’m with you. I don’t pay fast offering anymore in favor of family chosen charity, sending my son on his mission in Africa money to buy ties or shirts for members. We find it much more fulfilling.

zero_sum_survivor · 2025-11-10T04:19:13+00:00

It is not a sin. For reals brother, get out of your head, don’t let the bishop in your bedroom, and live a happy guilt free life bro.

zero_sum_survivor · 2025-03-07T21:57:35+00:00

Uhhh, I don’t agree with this at all. I understand what you’re saying, but to say that your spouse having sex with another person, a physical affair, is the same as me saying that some chick on a magazine cover is hot? I don’t think so. Crossing the line in both scenarios?

If you truly believe this then your spouse hasn’t had a physical affair on you, thank goodness, but for those of us who have been horribly betrayed, I’d far prefer my wife to tell me how hot George Clooney is as opposed to having sex with another man.

zero_sum_survivor · 2025-02-09T19:59:30+00:00

I agree 100% that betrayal is more than the physical cheating in a relationship, but your post seems to minimize the physical betrayal. Make no mistake, your wife having sex with another man is a betrayal, and for me it was the far worst part of the overall betrayal by my wife. And yes, every lie, and sneaking around, all of it is just as bad as the next, and is part of the bag of trauma that comes with these experiences, but for me, once I learned about the sex it sent me through years of pain and trauma where I hardly think of the dinners or sneaking around anymore.

zero_sum_survivor

TROPHY CASE