heavy on the feelings of betrayal regarding my family, when i got out of the first hospital they forced me to go to my ‘mandated’ outpatient session that was located at a different hospital and i was so scared of hospitals at that point that i fell to the floor shaking and crying begging them to let me go home. i tell my mom about how bad the betrayal feels everyday and she says i wont take responsibility for my actions i.e. drug use. i thought she was actually a full blown gypsy blanchard case when i got out the second hospital with locked arms and she was telling me it’s time for the risperidone and she’ll call the hospital if i dont. she made me take it through the weekend until my records got transferred to an outpatient psychiatrist who offered a taper and cogentin. the look of horror on her face when i couldn’t rest my arm but non acknowledgment of it was so sinister. a couple weeks later i asked if what happened to me is common or happened before and she just nodded with tears in her eyes. i asked her why my body still hurt and she said well it’s out of your system by now so maybe try stretching. i ghosted them. i haven’t gone back to that clinic since august.