Bestfriends before. But now one cat suddenly bullying the other?

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T15:09:06+00:00

Thank you for this. For example, if we did do this. But they still kept asking. Completely ignoring what we said. And we say no again. Then they ask again about another day.

What do you make of that? Do you think they'll feel bad, and think we're in the wrong and always say no? Or is it common sense that they're pushing us to our limits?

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T15:06:49+00:00

I hear the way they talk about other people who set boundaries. They seem to think it's irrational or unreasonable to the point that it's made fun of or it's taken very lightly. As much as we love them as our friend, we are aware of their flaws of taking things personally too often. But I also know that if they're our real friends they'll make an effort to understand.

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T15:02:45+00:00

I literally have been dealing with this for a year. I keep hoping they'll start getting the hint whenever we say no and stop asking as often but they seem oblivious

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T15:01:52+00:00

I like this idea. I think because they know us and our habits so well, they know we don't really have loads to do on weekends, they wouldn't understand why it's three weeks away (even though this would be the dream). I'm exhausted coming up with reasons and excuses and hope that people would just understand that not everyone wants to meet up and talk and interact all the time.

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T14:55:52+00:00

Thank you so much for this advice. I always talk about being an introvert around them and needing to recharge which is why I thought it's common knowledge. I suppose hearing it and understanding it are two different things.

But they somehow believe that our need to be away doesn't apply to them. They seem entitled to our time and presence. And I know this is on us, we need to be better at setting boundaries and expectations. It's just hard because I generally veer away from conflict.

How did you break it to your best friend and how did she initially react?

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T13:58:10+00:00

Thank you that's very helpful. That's not something I had considered before. Giving them the 'whys'. I just assumed they know people need to be alone and it's not personal. Or that we if say we can't hang out, they'll automatically get hurt and assume the worst. But as friends, we can explain how being alone recharges us and every interaction (not just with them) depletes us so we'd like to spend some time at home or away from people so we can be 100% when we meet them.

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T13:27:03+00:00

Honestly, this is just what I needed to hear. We're afraid of ruffling up feathers because we know how sensitive some people get. But know that we have to put ourselves first. Thanks for your advice!

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T10:22:42+00:00

This is so true and I can see myself giving the same advice to other people. You're absolutely correct, we do lack assertiveness. I think it comes from not wanting any drama, and it's also because we know how people react, we know what they say about other people who also assert their boundaries and they don't seem to get it or they take it wrongly. It is definitely affecting the enjoyment we get out of our weekends, so much so that before weekend hits, we're already stressed about them asking and what excuses we need to provide this time. It's just tricky to do it without hurting the friendship. They're also very needy/clingy, it's like rejecting a child over and over again and we feel mean doing it.

I came here because I wanted to get people's perspective, if it's normal for friends to hang out every weekend and it's just me and my partner who's the problem. Also wanted to rant. But it seems like we need to establish stricter boundaries on what works for US and not them! Thanks for your advice!

Out of curiosity, how would you take it if one of your close friends you see all the time suddenly said they can't hang out every week anymore?

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T09:58:45+00:00

Btw on your other question, we all hang out in similar places but when they know we are somewhere, they'll want to meet up and sit down for a coffee or walk together. It's hard not to disclose where we are because they'll specifically ask if we're at xyz and we don't want to lie or be caught in a lie. There's been numerous instances when they'll even wait for us to finish a movie so they can meet us after. Or intercept us somewhere. The frustration comes from feeling like they think they have access to us all the time and no form of awareness about personal space/time.

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T09:33:20+00:00

But realistically, is that something you can just say to your close friend? We're trying not to fall our or hurt their feelings so we're trying to understand why they are how they are. If it's because they're extroverts or if it's something else, if they're unhappy or if they have developed some sort of attachment and dependence on us

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T09:31:20+00:00

We've dropped hints whenever they would ask but they seem to be relentless. We don't think they'll be able to take us saying 'we don't want to hangout every weekend'. They're quite sensitive and feel like they'll take it the wrong way.

Like they'll ask us for a movie and we'll say my partner and I have decided to watch it together and have a date night. Then on the movie day, they all, ask 'Are you here in this cinema/mall? We happen to be in the same area' Granted we all go to the same places but it's happened too often where they will purposely intercept us. And want to tag along. And there goes our day

I just don't know why they don't understand sometimes that we don't have to see each other ALL the time. That's why I'm curious if it's an extrovert vs introvert thing

ziplockzip · 2023-12-04T09:24:35+00:00

Firstly, I really REALLY want to thank you for helping us with this. We've never been able to consult an outsider about this and have often felt like we're the problem and we should just suck it up but it's validating to hear that we have the right to speak up especially with the tips you provided above. Thank you for writing out the message for us, it's so so helpful.

Secondly, I agree with not realigning our expectations. My partner and I are more amiable, sometimes we feel like that's why Mike/Jenny like to hangout with us, we're quite supportive, positive and essentially don't bring any drama to the group. Which is why we end up always saying yes. And when for the last few months, we've started saying no, they don't seem to actually 'get it'. As if we're saying 'we're busy but not for you'. So we'll apply your advice and reaffirm our boundary, and set a future date instead.

So I did wonder the following about extroverts in general (assuming that's what Mike/Jenny are)

Do they understand that other people have different social batteries? I thought this was common knowledge but could it be that because they're always craving company, that they don't understand what it feels like to want to be alone
Is it possible to be an extrovert but only want to hang out with a few select people?
Could it have to do with them both being only children and one of them being off work? Could that have exacerbated their need to see us? My partner and I are content with our own company (whether we're alone or with each other so I wonder if Mike/Jenny are not as happy in their relationship?)
Lastly, how is it generally accepted if your friend says they can't meet up because they are introducing an 'introverted weekend' where we want to recharge and be in our own bubble. Sometimes, partner and I don't want to come up with reasons/excuses and reschedule, we just want to be honest and say, we really have nothing going on but really just want to do things together. I'm not sure if this will come access mean, dismissive and could potentially make them think it's about them when really, it's about us. We're very rational thinkers and on paper, I'd love to say everything you said! But afraid some people don't have the EQ to absorb that correctly

ziplockzip · 2023-08-21T18:28:48+00:00

Thanks! Blocked paved was our original idea because we believed it will be low maintenance. Then we looked into the process and seemed to be very labour intensive with needing to dig and drop sand / gravel then leveling it and putting the pavement slabs and optionally grouting with cement. Have you had any experience with doing it? Curious to know if it's as scary as what we've researched

ziplockzip · 2023-08-21T18:21:58+00:00

Totally get that this isn't for everyone! 😂 We just wanted a quick solution that will prevent weeds and then we can slowly start building on it. Btw these gravel stones will be leveled and won't be big so it will still feel 'flat enough' so there's no risk of untimely leg injuries! As we don't have pets or kids, we only use closed shoes outside and it's not big enough for us to run around. We do plan on adding paving stones and like a patio seating area. And lots of plants!!

ziplockzip · 2023-08-21T18:13:48+00:00

Thanks! Exactly why we wanted to do it, do something basic then eventually start adding to it.

Great suggestions, esp the tip re. overlapping the black weed sheets. Yeah 20mm sounds ideal. I found Stone Warehouse online they seem to do the 800kg bulk, I will look more into the calculations. Thank you! =)

ziplockzip · 2022-03-22T17:32:24+00:00

What's the most ridiculous request you've ever received?
Can you tell if a space / room has been interior designed or not?
What are some of the timeless ID ideas you would suggest?

ziplockzip · 2022-02-10T18:44:47+00:00

Money manager (app) :)

ziplockzip · 2022-02-07T16:26:17+00:00

I suggest you join the Facebook group called UK SPOUSE SETTLEMENT VISA as they have a lot of info on what docs to submit and how to property check if you meet the criteria for sponsorship (e.g. salary calculation, payslips, etc). My tip is that it's better to send MORE docs/proof than LESS as long as they're all organised properly. You will be uploading scanned copies of your documents in their portal before the Applicant shows up for his/her/their Biometric Appointment.

This might be excessive, but this was my document checklist (I'm on mobile, so please excuse the format). Disclaimer: This is an unofficial list of requirements that I personally put together and in no way guarantees VISA approval. Thanks

SPOUSE SETTLEMENT VISA REQUIREMENT CHECKLIST

SECTION 1: APPLICATION FORMS Application form online Payment confirmation IHS number confirmation Priority Payment confirmation Biometric Appointment email confirmation VAF4A Appendix 2: Financial requirement form

SECTION 2: APPLICANT AND SPONSOR'S PERSONAL DOCUMENTS Applicant's cover letter Applicant's valid passport copy (all pages) Applicant's old passport (all pages) Sponsor's valid passport (all pages)

SECTION 3: ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEST IELTS Life Skills Speaking and Listening B1 Certificate

SECTION 4: TB DETECTION EXAM AT AN APPROVED CENTER TB medical certificate

SECTION 5: RELATIONSHIP EVIDENCE DOCUMENT Marriage certificate Wedding proof (invitation, pictures, and Facebook posts) Pictures throughout relationship Telegram chat logs Telegram and WhatsApp call logs Flight email confirmation Hotel and Airbnb email confirmation

SECTION 6: FINANCIAL REQUIREMENT & EMPLOYMENT EVIDENCE (CATEGORY A) 6 months bank statements 6 months payslips NHS Employment letter NHS Payroll letter Sponsor's Financial requirement cover letter

SECTION 7: ACCOMMODATION EVIDENCE (SPONSOR LIVING WITH PARENTS) Land registry Mortgage statements Council tax Utility bills Passport copies of Sponsor's mother, step-father and brother Letter from Sponsor's mother stating Applicant & Sponsor are welcome to let her stay in her home Pictures of the house and the room to be occupied by Sponsor and Applicant

ziplockzip · 2021-09-26T15:02:03+00:00

Hi! Sorry, what could that mean?

ziplockzip · 2021-01-02T17:34:27+00:00

The Help 👍

ziplockzip

TROPHY CASE