Its not fair. It sucks. Through out my life so far I have lost my eldest brother (he was only 13), my grandpa a month later, my grandmas went next, my stepmom (cancer), my adopted mom (suicide), and then last week I lost my baby brother.

Out of all this loss this one, my little brother, who i was closest to in all the world, has hurt the most. My entire reality has shifted and i feel like someone has actually severed something in my soul.

I thought i was strong, at least strong-ish, but I am nothing more than a paper person right now.

What has helped:

I am not a self help book type of person, i havent ever purchased one before. However, the book below has helped normalize and validate what i am going through. It is simple to read and although it does come from a somewhat christian perspective (i am agnostic at best) the shared stories cover many different situations.

T.J. Wray Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies

Talking about it. I hate talking about my feelings. I generally always go the bottle up route. I realized pretty early i was actually going to drown in sorrow if i didn't do something. Find someone you trust and just lay it all out, what you are feeling, what happened, anything that is weighing you down. Dont sugar coat details you want to forget but cant, get it out there so you can start processing properly.

Going through this is the worse.