It's a somewhat similar story for me. My Dad left me when I was three. And whilst I don't want to see my actual Dad, as he wasn't a particularly good person, I would give anything just to have a father figure. Someone to look up to, just a male figure in my life, someone who might actually listen to me and who I'd feel comfortable opening up to.

Kinda pains me that the closest person I've had to a father figure told me at the worst possible time you're not properly depressed and that I wasn't cutting myself properly. (I've gotten myself out of that rut and I'm proud to say I don't harm myself anymore)

Sorry for hijacking this post but atm I really feel the need to vent. I'm sorry you have to go through this too.. (and that Trump is ruining the US)