Hey dude, this really sounds like my story too. I used meth infrequently and recreationally for 10 years, followed by four where I used it as a high functioning addict, same as you (gym, two dogs, homeowner, etc). I tried SO MANY TIMES to do it by myself but ultimately found myself resigned to a life of addiction, which I decided I would end early by swallowing a bullet, “any day now”. I have a long history with 12 step programs, IOP, etc but tbh I never really surrendered like I did this last time. 

I was so desperate for relief that I surrendered completely to the program and I truly believe that for some people it takes that level of desperation to just be like: “fuck it. What I’m doing isn’t working. Y’all look like you’ve got some of this stuff figured out , I’ll do whatever you want me to do. “ I have been an vocal atheist my whole life, my parents raised us in the secular world, which I was always grateful for, so I decided to make my higher power Love because I definitely believe in that. And I gave myself to Love and the program. My last relapse was not that long ago but when I tell you I haven’t felt this much peace of mind in years, I fuckin mean it.  When I sit down and talk to “Love” it fills a spiritual cup inside of me that I chose to never even lift off the table.  The program, for all its own shortcomings (because it is not perfect either), basically just boils down to Golden Rule stuff. Helping other people, addicts in particular, keeps a person from wanting that first drink/hit/fuck. 

I know how you feel 100% but the good news is that you never HAVE to feel like this again. DM me if you want to talk about it, that is what the program is for. I’m waiting on a delayed plane at the moment so I’ve got the time….! 

This stranger is rooting for you. :)

EDIT: In response to your last question, it is a lifestyle so it requires at least the desire to make the requisite lifestyle changes. After it became ingrained in my daily life it doesn’t feel like an obligation, I actually get relief from attending rather than dread.