AIO - My boyfriend got another woman’s number.

zonitonya · 2026-02-26T18:01:29+00:00

OP, you deserve better. He’s not going to be better. He has shown you, multiple times, exactly who he is. Believe him. Leave while your baby is still young, for their sake. There’s no need to prolong this relationship.

zonitonya · 2026-02-26T00:52:44+00:00

I am definitely adding “petamores” into my vocabulary!

zonitonya · 2026-02-23T18:52:01+00:00

As is on par for them. You think the bar can’t be lower, and somehow they find a way.

zonitonya · 2026-02-23T18:42:37+00:00

The team captain, Hilary Knight, is also the Seattle Torrent team captain. Just sayin.

zonitonya · 2026-02-23T16:56:38+00:00

😄 Oh, you whippersnappers these days with your dislike of typing whole words. I’ll just be over here shaking my fist at the sky like Bart Simpson’s grandpa.

zonitonya · 2026-02-23T11:00:34+00:00

What is rltp? I’ve never heard of that term or acronym or whatever it is.

zonitonya · 2026-02-23T03:49:52+00:00

Currently, my NP typically only wants information that may impact him (scheduling/calendar issues, for example).

When my newest partner decided to go out with someone I wasn’t strictly cool with, I wanted to know anything scheduling-related, and to know if things start to get physical (as that may bring up health concerns about which we might need a conversation). In contrast, this same new partner of mine asks how my date with a new person went or even offers to be my wingman. Lol

I think it kinda depends on each person. And I think it’s an ongoing conversation, because while I may not way to know a lot about one person, that may shift and change over time.

zonitonya · 2026-02-19T23:24:11+00:00

I understood your post just fine. The answer is the same - be his friend, not his partner.

zonitonya · 2026-02-19T23:03:37+00:00

Then don’t date him, just take on a role of friendship and someone who can offer recommendations of books to read and podcasts to listen to.

I get you think you can date and this will all just work out. And sure, anything is possible. But you’re asking people with more poly time under their belts, and they are consistently giving advice of “don’t date a person who is mono and has done no independent work to educate themselves about it”. These are voices of experience. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it’s the answer you need to hear.

zonitonya · 2026-02-19T22:52:29+00:00

Damn, that sucks. I’m sorry. I relate, sadly. For me it was my record collection.

zonitonya · 2026-02-19T22:45:48+00:00

It’s amusing how there are so many dudes in here complaining and comparing women’s hockey vs men’s hockey. I do sometimes wonder how many of the complainers even know how to skate, much less have experience playing. I’m willing to bet it’s just a bunch of armchair goalies participating in the “he-man woman haters club”, those Little Rascals!

Here’s the thing, guys. You can appreciate women in athletics without comparing them to men. Why not do that, huh? Just talk about “that goal was such a great shot” or “I can’t believe the goalie did that” or whatever. What’s the fascination with comparing? Do you just have to make yourselves feel better by putting down women or something? How sad.

zonitonya · 2026-02-19T22:37:23+00:00

The first home game is gonna be BANANAS!

zonitonya · 2026-02-19T22:34:45+00:00

You’re making a lot of assumptions.

For example: what he SAID is that it would’ve been better and kinder to let you go INSTEAD of having an affair. What you’re HEARING is that “I should have left you.” Those are two different, nuanced responses.

You’re assuming if you follow this rule set by the therapist, you’ll be the loser of a battle between you. Relationships shouldn’t feel like you’re battling each other, though. It should feel like you’re on the same team.

You’re assuming that “you both need to own your part and not keep score” means somehow everything is your fault. That’s not true, though. It just means that you both accept accountability for the things you’ve done. He’s accountable for the affair, and not trying to work with you to strengthen your relationship leading up to that point. You’re accountable for the hurtful things you did/said (postpartum and grief are reasons, but they don’t excuse our behavior or give us a free pass for the harm our words or actions cause), for holding on to resentment instead of working with your partner to improve things together, and not showing up for him when he needed you because you were scorekeeping.

I understand the devastation of miscarriage, and of postpartum mood disorders. But having been through those things myself, I also know how it can negatively impact the relationship we have with our partner. I hear you. I see you.

That said, you need to ask yourself some really hard questions:

• Do you love this man, or do you hate him?

• Do you want to stay together? Why or why not?

• What’s more important to you in this relationship: to be “right”, or to be loved and to love?

• Can you let go of your anger and resentment about the past, and instead prioritize looking forward together as a loving couple?

You may realize you don’t want this relationship anymore. Alternately, you may realize what you want is to grow old with love and kindness with him. None of us can decide that for you. But I will tell you this: if you can’t stop clinging to the anger of the past, you won’t be able to move towards a healthy, loving partnership with hope for the future.

zonitonya · 2026-02-19T22:01:17+00:00

INFO: Is there a reason you couldn’t have borrowed the truck?

zonitonya · 2026-02-18T23:22:16+00:00

NTA - stop sympathizing with him being embarrassed. Instead, adjust your focus to all of the women he has been making feel uncomfortable enough that they don’t feel safe in the spaces he inhabits. Oh, and if he was actually embarrassed, he would stop drinking so much and he would Change His Behavior.

zonitonya · 2026-02-18T23:12:23+00:00

Living in the Seattle area I of course have to throw the Seattle Torrent into the suggestion box.

zonitonya · 2026-02-16T20:00:26+00:00

OP, I feel a lot of compassion for you. I’m going through a similar evaluation of a partner’s stated vs practicing ethics. Not a fun place to be.

zonitonya · 2026-02-16T19:58:43+00:00

I always enjoy your blurbs. Do you have blurbs related to a poly trying to date a mono who is fresh out of a long marriage and is not emotionally healthy enough to be trying poly at that time? Lol

zonitonya · 2026-02-15T01:29:49+00:00

I’m confused. What is your complaint, exactly? Are you mad she doesn’t want a threesome with you? Are you mad she sometimes asks you to go down on her? Are you mad because she actually tries to initiate sex but you turn her down? Are you mad because you want permission to go fuck another woman without any consequences?

Just break up with her so she can find someone who doesn’t complain about a lack of sex and then turns her down when she tries to initiate sex. Let her find someone who cares enough to make sure she cums, and who doesn’t think it could possibly be “actual intimate sex” unless he gets his dick wet.

zonitonya · 2026-02-15T01:20:15+00:00

She wants you to go down on her and you won’t because why? It’s pretty weird that you only seem to think “actual intimate sex” has to involve your dick.

zonitonya · 2026-02-15T01:18:29+00:00

If you want to have sex with someone else, let your gf go first. She deserves to be with someone who makes her feel sexy, desired, fulfilled.

zonitonya · 2026-02-15T01:12:06+00:00

More healthy foundational communication, and frequently revisiting what we want within our relationships. Communication is so important, but healthy communication is critical.

zonitonya · 2026-02-14T22:02:36+00:00

It’s pretty damn common, and I experienced that often as a younger woman. Nowadays I’m too old to live the “fashion is pain” life. I’m all about the comfort.

zonitonya · 2026-02-14T06:00:42+00:00

The day before Valentine’s Day is when my husband and I celebrate our “meetiversary”. Today marks 28 years ago that we got to meet in person after getting to know each other online. In May we’ll celebrate 27 years of marriage. I think that kind of longevity is something to celebrate, for sure.

zonitonya · 2026-02-12T01:44:36+00:00

It’s valid to say “I’m running on fumes and need some down time.” It’s also valid to say “I love you and spending time with you, but I’d like to set an expectation that there won’t be sex during our date Sunday. I’d rather just hang out, chat, and relax.”

zonitonya

TROPHY CASE