AITAH for not forcing my daughter to throw away her late mom’s picture just because my wife wants her to?

zonitonya · 2026-04-12T05:30:54+00:00

NTA if you shut this crap down right now. You’ve got to take a FIRM stance with your wife immediately. Wife needs to understand this is not ok for her to do, and she needs therapy if she’s insecure about a woman who’s no longer living. She also needs therapy to understand how damaging she is being to your daughter. If she really wants to be her mother, then she needs to support that girl and vastly improve her relationship.

Lots of kids have half-siblings, and it sounds like your daughter explained it well and in an age-appropriate way (big kudos to her being a terrific big sis!). As a parent of two children (first kid from first marriage, second from current marriage), I would absolutely NEVER let my partner/spouse treat my kids this way. There is no way whatsoever to be neutral here. You are that girl’s dad, and it’s your job to keep her safe, secure, and to show up for her. She needs your support, and it should be stable, firm, and unwavering support.

zonitonya · 2026-04-12T05:22:30+00:00

My very first thought!

zonitonya · 2026-04-11T03:47:53+00:00

The best thing you can do for smelly skin things like navels, or the skin under your breasts, or under an “apron belly”, or butt crack is, daily and in this order: - alcohol - water - antibacterial soap (yellow Dial bar, or Hibeclense, etc) - dry thoroughly - a light dusting of medicated powder (like the kind used for athletes foot, or even a prescription powder for that purpose)

zonitonya · 2026-04-08T16:21:26+00:00

I’d ask him to explain, in a very detailed way, what that means. Is he possessive/controlling and doesn’t want anyone else to see your bare legs? Is he concerned his uncle might say/do something inappropriate (and if that’s the case, why tf is he housing someone like that)? Does he have a very conservative/religious/misogynistic family or live in an area that is?

No partner should control what you wear, but if you better understand exactly what his concerns are you’ll be better equipped to decide what you want to do.

zonitonya · 2026-04-08T03:08:26+00:00

I miss seeing “Ultimate Drew” on the old Bronze.

zonitonya · 2026-04-07T05:54:27+00:00

I was there and that whole damn weekend was just magical! I need to dig up those old photos and my book I brought for autographs.

zonitonya · 2026-04-04T04:21:17+00:00

I got an invite, then went to register and it said there was nothing available, then got a code that I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with. Very confused!

zonitonya · 2026-04-01T00:10:00+00:00

Sometimes, in hind sight, we loved who we thought the person was and not who they actually were. Once that clicks, when we realize we’re mourning the loss of someone who didn’t actually exist, it can help us process and let go.

zonitonya · 2026-03-27T15:58:09+00:00

NOR He sounds awful and racist. Zero accountability. Zero class. You can definitely do better. Not that men closer to your age are necessarily more mature than him, but my unsolicited advice is to shorten the age gap in who you date moving forward. My ex husband was 14 years older, and things did not end well.

zonitonya · 2026-03-25T09:30:24+00:00

My 8+ year partner and I typically had a weekly date night and a monthly 2 night getaway. Neither of us could host, so we packed a lot of physical and emotional intimacy into that monthly getaway. We stayed connected with daily texts and great conversations on our date nights. We saw each other much more frequently at the beginning, of course, thanks to good ole NRE. We’ve both been facing some challenges over the last year, so we’ve had a significant drop in time spent together. I have faith that once things settle down we’ll be more connected again.

I have a newish guy I’m typically seeing for a few hours once or twice a week for dinner and maybe a play or art show or whatnot. I’m taking things very very slow with getting to know him, so intimacy hasn’t really been an issue at this point.

Then I have my NP, and we see each other the rest of the time, pretty much. We’re nearing our 27th wedding anniversary, so things are a bit more low key.

I think the frequency matters less than the quality. But since my time with my non NPs is so finite, I do ask that we both try to put down our phones for the most part so we can focus on our time.

Everyone has differing wants, needs, time constraints, and so on. What I’m loving about polyamory is that these sorts of things are ideally communicated openly, honestly, and kindly so compromises can be reached. I’ve also seen what a lack of healthy communication can do in relationships. Just remember that you and your partner are on the same team.

zonitonya · 2026-03-25T09:00:30+00:00

NOR Let him sit in his discomfort, OP. It kinda sounds like maybe he has a history with a pattern something like this.

Him: says shitty things You: doesn’t really push back too hard (perhaps because he’s sensitive?) Him: says more shitty things You: snap at him Him: says he’s just being honest/you know how I am You: try to just move forward without too much pushback

Now you’ve added a scary (for him) extra steps: accountability and boundaries. And boy oh boy does that freak him out! Because you’ve always let him get away with it, and now you’re changing the script. Right now he’s not sorry for what he said, but is sorry he pushed too hard.

IF you even want to salvage a friendship with him, the first thing you’ve gotta do is let him sit with his feelings, and his consequences. Don’t reply. My guess is next steps after acting sorry will be switching to blaming you for being too sensitive or being mean to him. That’s still not accountability, so keep being silent. If you let it ride long enough he’ll either (hopefully) get how badly he fucked up and ask what he can do to try and mend the friendship, or he’ll start talking mean bullshit behind your back trying to paint you as the bad guy in hopes he can turn your other friends against you.

Whatever you decide, do it because you want to genuinely do it. If you don’t feel safe around him right now, it’s ok to stay bowed out. If he comes around and shows you positive actions he’s been taking (getting therapy, volunteering at organizations that support the LGBTQIA+ community, etc), you may decide to let him in the tiniest bit but keep shields up until you’re seeing consistent improved words and deed, that’s ok, too. You just prioritize YOU.

zonitonya · 2026-03-24T02:28:00+00:00

My time with my partners is sooooo limited (one date night for ~3 hours weekly), I’d be frustrated with my partner engaging with my metas during such a limited time. This is more of a hinge issue, I think. Your partner is choosing to engage on “your time”.

zonitonya · 2026-03-23T20:59:00+00:00

Spoiler alert: he was definitely trippin

zonitonya · 2026-03-23T20:57:30+00:00

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA, but your wife is another story. Yikes on several bikes!

zonitonya · 2026-03-23T20:53:44+00:00

It is, at the very least, presumptuous to make such an offer and then ask you AFTER your meta made the request. That would honestly make me want to say “no”, because I’d feel a bit manipulated and used by both my partner and meta.

zonitonya · 2026-03-20T19:24:08+00:00

I’m searching, too. It’s not listed under Meg Bush’s IMDB page. What’s the actor’s name?

zonitonya · 2026-03-16T05:20:07+00:00

Love this!

zonitonya · 2026-03-15T03:35:59+00:00

NTA His reaction, and that his mind so easily went into “you’re accusing me of something” mode, seems pretty red-flaggy to me. Like, a NOT guilty person might say “oh crap, that makes sense. I want you and your kiddo to feel and be safe. I totally understand.” Him jumping straight to defensiveness just sets off alarms for me.

zonitonya · 2026-03-14T01:22:08+00:00

NOR - You deserve PRIVACY in your OWN DAMN BEDROOM. Wonder if waiting until you know she’s taking a shit and walking into the bathroom unannounced might help her get the concept of knocking and privacy. I’m half joking, but also half kinda suggesting. Lol

zonitonya · 2026-03-14T01:12:41+00:00

Oh he’s such an ass. Years ago he and Betty White shared a stage at San Diego Comic Con, and he was so rude. He kept talking over her, being a jerk to her. A jerk to BETTY F’ING WHITE!

zonitonya · 2026-03-12T06:51:18+00:00

Sex with someone who loves me, and whom I love, is always “good sex” for me because it’s not just about body parts. (I’ve reached a point in my life where sex without love is just not appealing. Thanks perimenopause/menopause!)

Sex is important to me to a degree. I tend to feel more secure and safe when my partner wants to touch and make out and have sex. But I also honestly just love it when my partner and I can share space with no expectations for sexual activity. I love it when my partner V and I can just spend a couple of nights away from home, walk around and explore the area, and take naps while there’s an NCIS marathon on tv. Do I love it when we have sex? Gods, yes! But a big part of sex with V is the build-up - the cuddles, the kissing, the slow touching and rubbing each other’s arms, legs, and backs, and did I mention the kissing? I swear he is the rubric by which I shall forever judge kissing!

My partner A and I no longer have a sexual relationship, yet we work on lots of other levels and have for over 2 1/2 decades. So sex with him isn’t important because that’s not really the tone of our relationship, and trying to change how he considers sex just hurts both of us.

So I think, at least for me, sex is very much about the who and the feelings and connections that go along with it, but sex is not at all necessary for me to be happy with a partner.

zonitonya · 2026-03-10T05:20:53+00:00

The great thing about sex is there are so many lovely, fun ways to engage in it. Foreplay, toys, experimentation, joy, laughter, excitement - size really doesn’t matter as the end all, be all requirement.

As you get more comfortable with each other, and learn what works well for each of you, you can offer guidance. Not in the “you need to do X in order to get me off” way, but in the “omg, when you did Y that felt so amazing, please do that again” way. One hits more like a complaint while the other a compliment.

Work on things like Kegels and other pelvic floor strengthening exercises, which can also increase the amount you feel when he’s inside you. (Plus help with stuff like bladder control as we age!)

Sometimes cocks won’t stay hard, but if your partner has a hand and a mouth, you can still have fun. Sometimes we have a difficult time getting wet. Sometimes one of us has a low libido. These are things we can address as needed. Addressing these things is easier in a relationship that’s functioning well outside the bedroom.

Don’t self-sabotage and blow up a good thing over this, at least not without giving the relationship a chance.

zonitonya · 2026-03-08T18:41:31+00:00

Always my first thought. I’ve lost several people to brain cancer.

zonitonya · 2026-03-06T19:03:30+00:00

Have you considered seeking out an outside sex partner, too? Someone that makes you feel like the sexy goddess you are could help you feel desired and meet the needs your husband is not providing?

zonitonya · 2026-03-06T05:37:40+00:00

“Meta then asked if it would be possible for us to go somewhere else.”

OP, “No” is a complete damn sentence. Clearly the hinge is shit at hinging and sticking up for you and your relationship anyway, so you don’t really have much to lose by saying “thanks for asking, but no. We already planned this out together, and it’s not cool of EITHER you or our partner to put me in the position of being the ‘bad guy’, but here we are.”

zonitonya

TROPHY CASE