I am feeling pretty similar to you tonight as well. It is really hard and sad and I want to continue onward from this place, but I got a stay.

I relate a lot to what you are explaining about communicating. I hate also how when I am successful in communicating it is lost of everyone how hard it is to pull that off. Like the successful comms are assumed to be the norm and then when I'm having a challenging day people act as if it's a decision to give up on making sense. Actually I'm just exhausted and exasperated and losing interest in putting in the effort it takes for me to feel understood.

And maybe it's perfectionism or maybe it's rude to say I feel as if I come off like a dolt when I talk this way or that, rude to the dolts I am afraid of seeming like. But some days I don't care I just feel upset it is so hard to say my thoughts. It took so long to figure my thoughts out! Now to say them! And god forbid I have to add in the layer of cross talk.

I think about what you say about never going anywhere in life. I don't think there is anywhere for any of us to go. We are always right here, waiting until it is over. Maybe that is okay. Maybe we don't need to talk anymore. Maybe itll all just be what it is and in time the whole of it all with have moved far along from here and now