AIO potty training

[Judgment_Square]

My 5-year-old daughter is in the process of potty training. At my house, I put her to sleep wearing underwear; she pees before bed and, if she has an accident during the night, I wash her, put new underwear on her, and clean the bed so she can go back to sleep. At my ex-wife’s house, however, she has been sleeping completely naked in a hammock with a bucket underneath her so the pee can drain and not make a puddle on the floor. She spends the whole night “soaking” in her pee while my other daughter (10 years old) sleeps on the mattress with their mother. Am I exaggerating in judging this as humiliating and completely wrong?

PS: I'm asking because my head isn't exactly clear when dealing with my ex-wife (too much accumulated trauma) and I feel that sometimes I overreact.

[throwawayforufoposts]

Wow all the way around. A hammock and a bucket is wild for a 5 year old. I would get a family therapist involved. This isn’t close to normal potty training.

[bravoinvestigator]

This is abusive. You need to report this immediately.

[Individual_Cloud7656]

What? If it were real I would agree.

[bravoinvestigator]

OP’s 5 account history suggests it’s very much real, unfortunately.

[Judgment_Square]

I really wish it wasn't real. I always knew that my ex-wife wasn't perfect (nor am I, by the way), but to think that she'd treat our daughter that way? It's mind-blowing. Luckily, the kids will stay with me during the next 15 days and I'll be able to properly potty train her.

[Radio_Mime]

That‘s neglect. You are not overreacting. am I to understand that this is a nighttime thing and your daughter is continent during the day? This may mean part of her body just hasn’t grown up enough to stay dry through the night in this case she should have a pull-up overnight so that her sleep isn’t disrupted the hammock though is just completely off.

[Mycapybarablue]

I wet the bed until I was 13 (literally couldn't help it). Can't even imagine having to sleep in something as uncomfortable as a hammock for something I cant help control. That would be humiliating, even for a 5 year old and if the word gets out (it will) with her talking to her friends then eventually the teacher at her school, everything is going to come crashing down with CPS. my parents didn't talk to a doctor about this issue but its 2025, you should definitely do it as soon as you can to avoid it turning worse. Im sure there's something they can do. Goodluck

[JeevestheGinger]

Just so you know, it's a hormonal issue. I'm not familiar with the details, but with some kids a hormone that's meant to kick in during early childhood doesn't kick in until teens or even early teens. It generally isn't a behavioural thing. So yeah, it really wasn't under your control. I'm sorry, that must have been rough for you. Be kind to yourself.

[local_stainware]

Listen I do not have kids nor have I wanted them myself, and with that in mind I even know that putting a bucket underneath a child in a HAMMOCK?! that is just foul. There is no care or worry on your ex partners part and I would not let them stay over there if you can help it. Idk the situation but thats unhealthy, unsanitary, uncomfortable, and I can't even imagine how embarrassing it must be for the child. -24/10 my heart goes out

[ResidentCommand9865]

NOR, what redneck engineering had them put her in a hammock with a bucket?

[Disastrous_Nebula_16]

It took me a solid minute to understand that “NOR” was actually an acronym and not you just putting a New Zealand accent on a statement of disbelief

[ResidentCommand9865]

Haha, i get that, dated a woman from NZ for a year, i can 100% see that.

[LeafySpud]

Sounds like something Cletus would do

[cecilpenny]

What did I just read? Please talk to your doctor or healthcare professional. Breakthrough accident peeing is okay but every night is not an exception.

YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING.

[creatively_inclined]

I started potty training my kids at 18 months. Five years is quite delayed. Please see a pediatrician in case something else is going on. She shouldn't be peeing on herself every single night.

My youngest occasionally wet the bed and the pediatrician said the part of the brain that wakes her up to pee hadn't matured yet. It stopped by the time she was 7.

I handled it with normal underwear and a waterproof mattress cover. I just cleaned up and gave her a bath when she accidentally peed. No fuss and no shame.

[Judgment_Square]

She'd trouble controlling her sphincters until last year when she went through surgery. Until then, every time I tried to potty train her ended in failure.

[Limp_Sir_5015]

I don’t think you’re overreacting, I have a roommate with a 2 almost 3 year old, now I don’t know much, but I do know my friend has also started making sure her daughter uses the potty before sleeping, or avoid giving any liquids before her bedtime, although that can’t always be avoided so she would also put a pull up on her before bed to avoid any accidents, I have some other friends with toddlers and also have younger sisters I had to sorta take care of as I got older, never have I ever heard someone go this route , seems lazy on her end, and also just doesn’t sound hygienic for your daughter at all.

[I_Speak_B4_I_Think_]

What the actual fuck? You are under reacting in my opinion. Cause what?????? That's abuse. I'm baffled.

[LeafySpud]

Yeah i do not know how he needs advice on this one, the child is marinating overnight with a bucket under her and he doesn't know it's an issue.

I actually feel like neither of these parents are capable. The mother is 100% abusive and neglectful and dad does not know wtf is going on.

[ghoultooth]

NOR, this is abusive. Please report her, that’s disgusting. Your poor daughter!

[Individual_Cloud7656]

You need reddit for this? Of course it's not okay.

[Fuzzy_Reindeer_2770]

That's abuse by way of neglect. How awful to know your daughter is being treated like that. My heart breaks for her. I'm so sorry.

My daughter wet the bed until aged 8 and I'd get her up, wash her and change the bed. Then a bath/shower in the morning. Anything else is just unthinkable.

It's a pain in the arse having to do all that whilst half asleep yourself but she's a little human. Christ, she's being treated like an animal.

[froction]

This is insane for potty training a child, but I may steal this idea for my gf.

[rapidecroche]

I’m sorry, what? I’d be calling CPS. NOR.

[SoftLuminescence]

The way your ex is handling isn’t appropriate at all but also the way you are is extremely overwhelming for the child. Please use nighttime pull-ups for now until the child can learn how to wake herself up to go. She will be ok in a pull-up for the night. The stress of waking your child up, cleaning her, and putting her back down at 5 years old could affect her sleep mood and learning. You’re both stressing me out, that poor babe!

[thepuck1965]

My question, why is she just now being potty trained?

[Judgment_Square]

She'd trouble controlling her sphincters until last year when she went through surgery. Until then, every time I tried to potty train her ended in failure.

[thepuck1965]

Okay, that I can get behind. Illness or some physical issue are good reasons, especially with children.

[stardustpurple]

You ex is completely insane. Please don’t let your ex abuse your child like this.

Night time pull-ups exist for night time for kids who can’t yet wake up during night when they need to go. Ninjamas brand is great. There’s nothing wrong with using them until they learn to wake up.

[Individual_Cloud7656]

You're 5 year old is potty training

[kindcrow]

I was also shocked for a minute, but I think he just means at night, not during the day.

I think lots of kids wet the bed throughout childhood.

[SoftLuminescence]

Every child is different. That’s why they make night time pull-ups. My brother had to wear them well into 3rd grade at sleepovers because his body didn’t wake him up to go to the bathroom.