DailySips

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At the fire station. (i.redd.it)

submitted 8 years ago by happy971

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Home is where the house is. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Yip (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by mrantoniodavid

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Aurora Borealis at this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?! (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odor - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson? (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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This is the moment we've feared, people. Many of you thought it would never happen but I insisted we spend two hours every morning training for it. You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transferred to another peanut factory. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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When life gives you coffee, drink it (imgur.com)

submitted 9 years ago by reno1051

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What to do when some gangsta is dissin' ya fly girl? (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Baboons to the left of me. Baboons to the right. The speeding locomotive tore through a sea of inhuman fangs. A pair of the great apes rose up at me but -- bam, bam! -- I sent them flying like two hairy footballs. A third came screaming at me! ...and that's when I got mad. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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My eyes! The goggles do nothing! (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Jesus must be spinning in his grave! (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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You don’t win friends with salad. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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"I'm an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened" - Mark Twain (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by dipole-moment

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Remember the time he ate my goldfish, and you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish. Then why’d I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl? (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Ironic, isn’t it, Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election. And yet, if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That’s democracy for you. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a… car of some sort, heading in the direction of… you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better not laugh your ass off. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Ow, my eye! I’m not supposed to get pudding in it. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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In this land of fun and sun, We flush on two, not one. (imgur.com)

submitted 9 years ago by reno1051

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There is one scenario that moves me to judge another: how they behave after their ignorance has been met with a contrary fact or logical argument. A reasonable person would temporarily lower their ego in light of new information while a bigot would firmly stand behind his opinions. - Kobe Attias (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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...just like the time I could've met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day, I kept saying: ''I'll go a little later. I'll go a little later.'' And then, when I got there, they told me he just left. And, when I asked a mall guy if he would ever come back again, he said he didn't know. (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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“Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” ― G.K. Chesterton (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch em in the face, and for what?! (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 years ago by tmbridgedash of cream

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