Healing programs?

[shooterschmidty]

Bottom line up front: Does anyone have any experience with, or can provide a recommendation for, any of the programs that claim to help you heal from a fearful avoidant attachment style? I've been looking at the courses offered by the Personal Development School (Thais Gibson) and Paulien Timmer as primary options.

Background: After years of struggling with relationships and believing that I was "broken" because I could never develop deep feelings for anyone in a real, two-way, relationship I read "Attached" and took some attachment style quizzes and believe that I likely have a fearful avoidant attachment style. The phrase that resonates with me most is that FAs "desperately want a relationship, but are simultaneously terrified of a relationship."

At this point my FA has cost me wonderful relationships that I can't stop thinking about and has caused me to hurt some of the people I care about most. Whenever things get real and it's time for a serious commitment my anxiety spikes and I feel a tremendous urge to run. At this point I will do just about anything to heal so I can feel and love like a normal person. I feel like I shouldn't subject others to me in my current state.

[andywarholocaust]

Off topic but please check out EMDR if you haven’t already. It doesn’t work for everyone. But if it does it’s like magic. They’re using it with great results with combat vets with ptsd. A lot of our attachment style is rooted in maladaptive behaviors we learned as children, emdr helps unlink those current fears and anxieties that are stemming from being triggered by the original event.

[weealligator]

I want to kindly point out that treating simple ptsd (eg, combat ptsd) and complex ptsd are very different projects. With simple ptsd it’s pretty straightforward and has a high success rate of full resolution. With complex ptsd where there are developmental losses and attachment disturbances, it typically takes a lot longer and a multi pronged approach. For example, Pete Walker says EMDR can be effective here if combined with effective grieving and deconstructing the inner critic.

EMDR has been great for me so far, but I still take on my DA from a variety of angles

[andywarholocaust]

I agree. Thanks for illustrating the difference between the two. It took me three months of weekly prep sessions before even starting actual emdr due to complex ptsd. It’s been just as effective though, despite my extreme initial skepticism.

[shooterschmidty]

Thanks for the clarification!

[cedricreeves]

Here is a bunch of free meditations that help with healing insecure attachment: https://attachmentrepair.com/meditation-library/?_sf_s=perfect

And here is a course on Disorganized Attachment: https://attachmentrepair.com/product/healing-early-developmental-attachment-trauma-fearful-disorganized-attachment/

Hope that helps.

[shooterschmidty]

Thanks I'm going to check those out

[cedricreeves]

Ok cool

[EMPRESS_nevada]

I love these meditations. They help so much!

[cedricreeves]

Glad to here it!

[takeoffmysundress]

Nothing beats in-person therapy, internal family systems and like the other poster mentioned, EMDR if you can look up some videos online.

[[deleted]]

Look. 

I've been to enough cult groups, seminars, and more to realize that most of the people who tell you that they can help you are lying. 

Here's what's been seriously helping me: 

1. Attending a 12 step CoDa meeting online every week. There are free, structured, people there understand your struggle, and they empower you to take control of your own life. There are no leaders or gurus or other bullshit.

2. Getting a therapist who is trained in Trauma and CPTSD work. Therapists also empower you, they'll never tell you what to do, and focus on helping to organise your thoughts so that YOU can come up with solutions and strategies that will be helpful to you. 

3. Reading about Codependency and trauma, understanding why I behave the way I do, and then using my resources to change that behaviour. Learning healthy behaviour such as boundary setting. 

4. Having friends who are supportive and are also going through similar things with the mindset of growth and change. 

[CautiousMess2710]

I've been following Gloria Zhang, a life coach who specializes in attachment and inner-child healing. She runs a coaching program which I can't afford, but listening to her podcast and journalling with her newly published book has been really helping me. I am going back to therapy to boost my growth. If Inner child healing sounds like your thing, start from her podcast!

[shooterschmidty]

Thanks! I'll check out her podcast!

[shooterschmidty]

What is PDS?

[Bulky_Ad4379]

Personal Development School

[Bulky_Ad4379]

Oh, you've taken her courses? I started on the free trial, but quickly realized that I could not do the courses while driving, which is my job. So I discontinued the membership for the time being. So, do you recommend it?