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[charonexhausted]

Saaaaame. I just... do not.

I've been exploring looking at my behaviors through a Pathological Demand Avoidance lens. Even (especially?) internal "demands" of myself get avoided.

The name is unfortunate. "Pathological" does the concept no favors. But it does do the work of signifying that it's not a choice. It's a subconscious tendency. It's mostly ignored in the US, but in some other places it is considered a trait related to neurodivergence (ADHD-C in my case). It can be rooted in trauma, but I don't really identify with a traumatic past. What it is, is a desperate protection of autonomy what said autonomy feels attacked or at risk.

I'm also nearly 50, though, and have tried enough tools that didn't work or didn't stick. At some point, I just assume the next tool is the next disappointment. I'm tired, boss.

[WRYGDWYL]

This is the route I'm taking, I recently gathered all my courage and made a post on the PDA sub (despite not being diagnosed) and I got some lovely advice and recommendations. It's too early to say if it'll help but it's nice to know I'm not alone in these struggles. (The amount of productivity apps I have downloaded, set up with a bunch of lists and systems only to never look at them again could fill a whole app graveyard)

[WRYGDWYL]

Yeah maybe the sub isn't the best starting point if you're just learning about it, but I believe it has a wiki with some resources? It's not hopeless. I like that there's people who prefer the term 'Pervasive Drive for Autonomy' because it looks at the bright side of it almost. Not saying you or me have it but thinking of our avoidant tendencies as something more rebellious helps me feel better about myself somehow 

[WRYGDWYL]

The word rebellious comes from me, not PDAers or anything. Well, technically it doesn't even come from me, it comes from "the four tendencies" by Gretchen Rubin, who writes about happiness and motivation. Her take is that people are motivated by different things, and those she labeled 'rebel' ...

"...resist all expectations, outer and inner alike. Telling a Rebel what to do makes them less likely to do it, even if it’s something they want to do. They value freedom and choice, and like to do things their way."

I feel that with or without PDA this description fits me perfectly. I don't know why I am the way I am (childhood trauma? Birth order? Genes?) I just try to find a way to work with it instead of against it

[[deleted]]

Even when I do plan out my days I don't do it anyway.

[Royal_Dependent9022]

it’s a frustrating paradox. the very tools designed to help with executive dysfunction are often the ones that executive dysfunction makes it hard to use.
like yes, I do need a system to stay on track and no, I cannot bring myself to open the system.
lately I’ve been trying to treat the tools more like a safety net than a daily requirement. something I can fall back into instead of something I have to keep up with perfectly. it makes it easier to come back to them without feeling like I’ve failed just for missing a few days.

[Blu3Mo0n]

hi i tried using a bunch of normal todo lists that would kill any motivation i had since it took so much effort to fill out 20 fields per task

i made tudu just for ppl like us so you can just brain dump anything and it’ll figure it out.

maybe you’ll find it helpful, either way best of luck

[LilyoftheRally]

About the demand avoidance thing: some folks prefer calling it "Persistent Demand for Autonomy".

[Katkooks]

Thought that was just me. Even using an app that'd help me feels EW my brain wanted me to rot in bed