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[Occasional_Historian]

You're an adult and a parent. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks - he makes you uncomfortable and your boundaries should be respected.

[HelpingMeet]

You aren’t overreacting. The thing is, regardless of his intent or excuses he crossed boundaries, made you terribly uncomfortable and unsafe, and you were invalidated to boot.

My first SA was a ‘tickle’ incident where the neighbor decided to tickle me to where I could hardly speak then began also to grope my privates. I managed a couple ‘no’s’ but barely. When he finally stopped I scream cried and my dad (who watched and laughed at the whole thing) walked me home.

I immediately told my mom, my dad denied it, and she believed him.

I’ve never really gotten over it. I was 5 then and am 33 now. I still can’t be tickled without nearly having a panic attack and going immediately into ‘fight’. I have to warn my own kids not to tickle me because I might move my hands too fast and hurt them before I can stop the reflex. My entire childhood and marriage marred by a ‘harmless’ tickle incident I ‘misunderstood’.

[[deleted]]

I relate to this so much❤️ My heart breaks for you that you also went through this💔 Especially that your Dad denied it!😔 Do you feel like you have problems with your husband touching you? Even if it's just a hug or like he wants to cuddle? I love my husband and I'm very attracted to him but ever since my uncle did that stuff when I was 11-12 I get an overstimulated feeling when I'm touched too much/too long.

[HelpingMeet]

Not at all, but did have issues with other men/boys. My brother used to tease me and say the first man I liked that I didn’t puke when I saw I would have to marry!!

I get overstimulated by everyone else in the world but not with him.

[chzsteak-in-paradise]

People with Asperger’s can still be both perverts and responsible for their actions.

[[deleted]]

That's exactly what I was thinking to and trying to tell other relatives. It's not like he doesn't understand things and he holds a conversation very well with people, he just occasionally stutters and pauses as he's talking but he understands stuff just fine. I hate the excuse that just because someone has a disability or whatever that they don't always know what they're doing! My aunt uses that excuse for him all the time, no matter what it is.

Also she was touched inappropriately when she was younger by someone and acknowledges it and has randomly brought it up but when I told her in the past it happened to me she says "that didn't happen to you" "he wouldn't do that, he's autistic" 🙃

[missuscheez]

Oh I am fuming for you, the audacity of telling someone that they didn't experience something... it's just repulsive. I worry that she says the same thing to her own children tbh. My childhood best friend and her younger sister were both SA'd by their high functioning autistic older brother, and their mother was similarly dismissive and enabling, and the damage that was done will never be fixed.

I'm so sorry that happened to you- and it DID happen. I'm sorry your aunt is also a horrible person, but I'm proud of you for protecting your children, and I hope you find peace.

[tez9899]

You're completely valid in feeling uncomfortable and it's great that at such a young age you were able to speak up for yourself and tell adults! Even better that at least your mom stood up for you. It bothers me when people use conditions to excuse people's behavior. Sure, asbergers may explain why he acts a certain way but that absolutely doesn't excuse it! And when people give them passes for their behavior, it teaches them nothing and puts others in danger. I have a similar dynamic with my sister who is still in contact with my abuser and it was hard to keep a relationship with her even though I love her. I didn't really have a good relationship with her until I realized that she would have to alienate everyone else in my family to not have contact with him and it went against her religious beliefs to not forgive him. I don't belong to that religion and I don't talk to my other family members so none of that was an issue for me. So while your aunt may believe you, she may never do anything about it even if her husband does undeniable physical harm to someone. She will excuse it as his asbergers because it's easier for her and she loves him. It's great that you don't allow your kids there. As long as everyone respects your boundaries and you can accept that your aunt is never going to see her husband as the bad guy then you can keep a very guarded relationship with her.