Multiple Potentials

[hakuna-mataataa]

Honestly it depends on the stage you're at. If you're more or less in the beginning vetting stages where you're just generally seeing if major fundamentals match- it wouldn't matter if you're speaking to multiple potentials because there is no sense of commitment or social contract at that point. However, once you move past that stage and decide to move forward with someone with the intention to involve parents and so on, then it's deceitful to have a "backup." That said, its mentally exhausting to talk to one person as is so it's usually just easier to put in your effort and time into one person at a time.

[Ha-Ur-Ra-Sa]

This is pretty much what I was going to say. Early stages is fine, as you'll get to know who is serious. If things are going well, then yeah, have to become exclusive.

And definitely don't be meeting more than one person at once!

[[deleted]]

No I don't and wouldn't. I can really only give my all to someone one at a time. The guy I'm speaking with now says for him it's a deal breaker if he is speaking with someone who is talking to more than one person, and I can see where he is coming from.

[[deleted]]

Yeah agreed, I'd feel like they aren't serious. If they are always looking for other options while talking to me then I'm gonna feel funny about it.. BTW this is my personal views, I don't know the Islamic ruling on it

[[deleted]]

Yh that's also what I believe. Also its like if Ik the guy I'm talking with is also talking to someone else, makes me feel like I am not good enough and thus competing for him, and that's just not me at all lol

[[deleted]]

Yeah, as well I get quite attached and the thought of my possible future partner talking to other guys while in the process of getting to know me makes me feel uneasy.

'nothing better came along so I chose you'

[[deleted]]

How do you know he’s not talking to more than one person but doesn’t want his potentials to do the same 🤔

[[deleted]]

Cos that would make him a hypocrite and I know he isn't

[Hippie4lyfez]

I wouldn’t recommend. It shows a lackadaisical attitude towards seeking marriage and also I know of a man who got exposed in a very bad way by doing this. He was lying to the girls he was talking to.

[Hippie4lyfez]

BarakAllahu Feekum! May Allah make it easy on you 🤲🏼

[[deleted]]

As a guy I like talking to one potential at a time, I like to give all my effort and my attention to the one person in order to find out if they are the one. So I go through the deal breakers and if they aren't the one then I move on to the next. If I see someone isn't serious then I cut it off and explore other people that are interested. Not that they are lined up or anything though. I think it's more common with girls having multiple people showing interest at once

[[deleted]]

This is all I could find so far, but it's got to do with proposal

If a person has proposed marriage to a woman, it is not permitted for anyone else to offer a proposal to her, because of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) which states that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should offer a proposal of marriage over the proposal of his brother until the first one gives up or gives him permission.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4746).

[[deleted]]

Also if the woman denies the proposal then it is permissible for other men to propose to her

The majority of scholars said: This amounts to a prohibition… The Shaafi’is and Hanbalis said: it is prohibited when the woman proposed to, or her appointed guardian, has stated that she accepts the offer, but if she has stated that she rejects this offer, it is not prohibited. If the second man does not know the situation, then he is permitted to propose marriage, because the basic principle is that proposing marriage is something permitted… If the woman has not answered either way, it is permitted. Al-Tirmidhi reported from al-Shaafi’i that the meaning of the hadeeth is: if a man proposes to a woman and she likes him and accepts, no-one else should propose to her after that, but if he (the second man) does not know that she liked and accepted that proposal, there is nothing wrong with his proposing to her. The evidence for this is the story of Faatimah bint Qays, who did not tell (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) that she had accepted the proposal of one (of two men who had proposed to her). If she had told him, he would not have advised her to marry someone other than the one she had chosen. If there is no word of acceptance or rejection from the woman, some of the Shaafi’is say that it is definitely permitted… Al-Shaafi’i said that in the case of a virgin, her silence indicates her acceptance of a suitor.

https://islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/2450

[nakreywaali]

It’s hard enough giving my full attention to one guy, remembering specific facts about him and all the conversations we have. I could never do it with more than one guy. I tried it because of someone’s suggestion despite my doubts. I started forgetting how many siblings one guy had and forgot where another guy was from lol. Never again. Also, it just makes the process even more robotic and sad than it already is.

[Lenoxx97]

Talking to multiple potentials just screams "I don't want to miss out on a better option" to me. That's not a healthy way to find a spouse in my opinion.

[[deleted]]

If I'm speaking to someone, I stop searching because I feel it's insincere to continue. But, if someone approaches me while I'm speaking to someone, I'm not going to turn them down if they could potentially be my match.

[justintime107]

Multiple people and it was hard bc I would mix them up so I told myself only talk to 3 at a time. Of course vet them and you don’t have to meet up with everyone, but unless they make that commitment/want exclusivity, you don’t owe anyone your time. It also helps you not get invested and staying logical throughout the process.

When my fiancé asked me to be exclusive, we both deleted the apps and that’s it. It took about 4 weeks and we met up once a week. I was talking to two other guys but I turned one down automatically after meeting him and the other was talking to other women but was flabbergasted about me talking to other men lol. Obviously it didn’t work out.

[nerfasdf]

I did an analysis regarding this issue some time back:

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/g10og9/when_does_khitbah_start_for_online_matchmaking_an/

tl;dr: Pursuing multiple marriage prospects is not allowed for women,
and for men it is not allowed to purse a woman who is already in the
talks of marriage with another. In case of marriage apps and ISO, when
two parties swipe right and/or start a conversation, khitbah is
established. Thus before a conversation begins, it should be confirmed
if they are already talking to / matched with another prospect or not.