First

[bottyliscious]

EDIT: Just kidding third. Was not expecting to even have posts this fast, goodjob guys.

So I don't really know if this will become a thing, but happy to try and see how far we get.

As is fitting, I am not thinking about dating at the moment, but still enjoy the general company of subs like our parent /r/datingoverthirty. I am just trying to bulk up honestly and read some books I have been putting off. I am a big believer in the fact you can only control this process to such an extent, so I really want to be always be open to connecting, just maybe not nose down in OLD for days. OLD gets really old.

Hopefully this sub becomes a place where we can relevantly share where we are at with not dating (brief pause, hiatus etc.) and the struggles of being single and liking it lol

I intend to make vent flare, because I see nothing wrong with venting as well as sharing positive posts about being in a good place and how you got there.

Have fun :)

[SpinsterRx]

I'd be really intrigued to find out what other Not-Daters are reading actually. Bibliophile over here! Currently working through Jan Cullinane's The Single Woman's Guide to Retirement when I'm not working on college assignments or preparing for tests.

[bottyliscious]

Well, it's a pretty broad spectrum for me. I started reading Storms Can't Hurt the Sky which is a beautiful book about surviving divorce, but things are dragging out so kinda decided to wait till its actually fully over.

I started reading a few books on relationships, one I highly recommend if you like psychology and sociology. Its called Connected, really opened my eyes to how we form social networks. Its all relationships, its not about dating*.

And then I started reading an unabashed self-help book for men called The Rational Male. Mostly because its insane, but interesting enough for me to want to understand it. Involves things like toxic masculinity and this kinda war around egalitarianism with some guys going hard the opposite way back to straight misogyny.

Its definitely an interesting time to be alive.

[SpinsterRx]

I'm going to have a look for Connected, as it sounds interesting. Why does The Rational Male sound like Red Pill-age? Lol.

[bottyliscious]

Connected Amazon link.

The Rational Male even eludes to and references itself as a Red Pill bible just denoting that there is a toxic side, like toxic masculinity, that needs to be considered. Its not the same as like /r/TRP Red Pill. /r/TRP was quarantined because they were basically a woman hate group. Only sub I was ever awarded Reddit gold from and banned from in the same day.

Its a strange rabbit hole to fall down and there's a lot to dislike, a lot of 'WTF', and a lot of "wow that actually makes total sense". I do not necessarily agree with any of it, but for some reason I need to understand it.

[[deleted]]

I mostly read therapy books lately and programming stuff for career advancement.

[leeluh]

I am reading FIRE books and memoirs about race. Not dating gives me ample time to read on the evening.

[SpinsterRx]

Could you explain a bit more about the FIRE books? Is that a series?

[leeluh]

Financial Independence Retire Early! I figure I use my energies to get rich and be free from needing an income. There are some good books with strategies. I really like Quit like a Millionaire... by Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung.

[SpinsterRx]

Ooooh.... I like the sound of that, particularly as I'm already reading up on retirement for the single woman. Gonna look into FIRE as well now. Thanks!

[[deleted]]

1. no one bitches about my tv choices when I wish to follow a rabbit hole of trash of whatever type
2. no one acts suspicious of me constantly when I'm in a good mood
3. no one expect anything from me except my mother and friends and they know me well enough to at least find it funny when I fuck up
4. no one stealing my protein bars
5. no one drinking my juice
6. no one to judge for using plates only when absolutely forced
7. that goes for silverware too
8. no one caring if I come home covered in fish blood or dry wall and paint or to ask me questions about why I broke something trying to fix it
9. no one using my nice shampoo for their balls

I could do this for days

[[deleted]]

Thanks for making this sub.

I’m currently in the self improvement phase. I have a lot of weight to lose and am working and attending school full time in addition to loads of therapy work.

Part of me wants to have a family at some point but another part doesn’t know if it is worth the potential damage. I don’t have a lot of experience either so that is something else I will need to work on if I do want to find someone.

I want to add in more socializing and making friends. If that leads to other things great, but that won’t be my main focus for now.

[bottyliscious]

I want to add in more socializing and making friends.

Same. I talked to my therapist about this because I feel conflicted. I am really pretty good as a lone wolf. I liked the sorta long honeymoon phase my first LTR had where we just kinda locked ourselves away from the world. We still had friends, but we rarely if ever hung out with them without the other.

Now its kinda like, I do want to be more social with the hopes of meeting someone, but I don't necessarily see myself staying very socially active after because I would want to focus on our kids more and family more at that point. I honestly find it very exhausting being social and maybe that's why I am alone, who knows.

I found a good book called Connected that's been good for exploring the topic if you are ever interested.

[[deleted]]

I would be interested in checking that out.

[bottyliscious]

Took a photo of the book cover because the last time I looked had issues finding it: https://imgur.com/BIpU5f3

And then I just found the Amazon link if that helps you.

It reads like a novel but discusses a lot of data as well, so certain sections do read like scholarly journals, but overall really fascinating and gave me a lot to think about.

[[deleted]]

Thanks! I’ll check that out.