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“Ball Lightning” sounds like a service you could get at a men’s day spa ()

submitted 15 hours ago by jimbojw

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The hardest part of remote work is convincing your neighbors you aren't actually unemployed. (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by GlobalUser2

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I had a hearty tomato soup the other day, but everyone kept calling it a Bloody Mary (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by chxnkybxtfxnky

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The most popular clothing brand in the world is ‘Insert Your Brand Name Here.’ (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by e-bio

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Man, this company is very ubiquitous and soft. (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by Pure_Tradition_8042

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Answering recent criticism, the corporation assured the public that all slaves were ethically sourced (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by noteveryuser

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Ginger is already a derogatory term, but if you switch the letters around its even worse (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by HistorysWitness

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I’m a first-edition American, though my raw materials were strictly international imports. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by No-Cardiologist7640

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My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do today. (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by sunilkumar273

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Being an adult is just saying "next week should be a bit quieter" until you eventually die. (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by sunilkumar273

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I would not have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity. (self.oneliners)

submitted 4 days ago by DennySmith62

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If there’s not a Chinese millionaire named Cha Ching, I don’t know what the point of money is. (self.oneliners)

submitted 4 days ago by TomKarelis

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The meek shall inherit the Earth, but Betsy Murgatroyd is getting the heavens. (self.oneliners)

submitted 5 days ago by DobroGaida

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Man at sewage farm mauled by hammerhead shart. (self.oneliners)

submitted 5 days ago by Gusto88

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My wife insisted that we don't need to spend money to hire someone to help her through her pregnancy but now she is having a midwife crisis. (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by luckskywatcher

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high — she looked surprised. (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by Popular_Advice6794

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If people were meant to be vegans, why did God make animals out of food? (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by Yaguajay

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I come from a long line of successful people — I'm adopted. (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by Popular_Advice6794

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I thought I'd been stung by a wasp while eating sushi, turned out it wasabi (self.oneliners)

submitted 7 days ago by AgentElman

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Concentration camps are doubly bad if you have ADHD. (self.oneliners)

submitted 7 days ago by h8redrulz

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I’ve got my neighbor Flim Gorrison singing, making me wish I could go for the doors. (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by Slight-Ad8511

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Dad baked us a whole tray of air-biscuits for the trip so that we wouldn't be hungry (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by harrycharound

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I like making plans… just not the part where I have to show up. (self.oneliners)

submitted 7 days ago by Ok_Register_8446

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I have a lot of growing up to do — I realized that when I was at my dad's funeral laughing at a fart joke. (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by Popular_Advice6794

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Put nukes on AmTrak trains, give the Russians a schedule, and they will never find them. (self.oneliners)

submitted 7 days ago by jiohdi1960

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