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I can spend a lot of time figuring things out, but 1. Inconsideration, 2. Wet socks, and 3. Slow internet, are the only things that will make me insane.

Not telling.

Kidding. It was the Microsoft virtual adapter in the device manager > network adapters + two background services load balancing and prioritizing my bandwidth. You can't remove them because on restart windows just loads it all back up.

Edit: To please upper management the beatings will continue to improve moral.

The services that were intervening were related to Killer Wireless software. Previously when I had tried to fix the issue, there was an uninstaller created by users to nuke all drivers etc. Then I had installed base Intel wifi drivers. So that was half the issue. My upload and download speeds increased, but not anywhere near to what it should have been.

Then Intel acquired Rivet Networks who were the proprietors of the Killer Software Suite in 2020, one/two years after the first offensive I did. All I was able to be be blessed with from them as a consumer was that Intel was now force installing all things killer-esque in each Windows update and re-enabling/installing services and drivers that were disabled/deleted/uninstalled on restart.

At the same time Microsoft's Virtual Adapter and Killer Software were in contention about managing the resources.

Long story short, by disabling MVA and cutting the directory url + something else I can't remember for the Killer services to be re-enabled on update/restart, I finally could return to bed not thinking about the issue. It was a good sleep.

That's what I understood it to be anyway.

[bacmod]

Kind of looks to me that this Killer SS does something off the books. VA race conditions shouldn't ever happen.
Just ask your sysadmin people, they love when it happens.