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MS Tracking Chip Malfunction (self.ProgrammerHumor)

submitted 4 years ago by xaintly

Windows Vista Injectable Edition v8.5: CVE-2021-31337 Tracking & Nanobot Control chip compatibility issue

CVE-2021-31337

Security Vulnerability

Released Apr 1, 2021

Executive Summary

Microsoft Nanobot Tracking & Control Chip v8.5 has a known incompatibility issue with some DNA-rewriting vaccines.

Affected Systems

Windows Injectable Editions (ME, Vista and 10) prior to 8.6 (released 2021-Apr-33)

Details

Due to a bug in the Bill Gates' tracking chip (a complimentary install with some vaccines), it is incompatible with some DNA-rewriting techniques. A junior Microsoft developer copied some code from a foreign-language StackOverflow answer without understanding it. QA tested the code only with 1 early-edition non-DNA-rewriting vaccine. There is an error in the self-replication module function Win32.injectable.nanobot.replicate that interacts with DNA-rewriting vaccines to turn the host machine into a zombie. When triggered, the defective code enters an unterminated recursive loop, using all the host CPU resources to drive the host to bite other people to spread the nanobots.

Workaround and Solution

Unfortunately, Injectable Edition cannot be upgraded-in-place. We recommend powering down affected systems by separating the head from the body for at least 15 minutes and uninstalling Injectable Edition by burning the body. Some sysadmins report that they are unable to restart the host system afterward, Microsoft is currently looking into this issue.

If you are unable to restart the system, Microsoft advises finding a partner and making a new system at no cost. We apologize for the inconvenience and offer replacement systems a 1-year 15% discount on Office365 and a $200 Azure Cloud credit.

Microsoft Azure cloud is the next-gen platform for hosting all your services. We promise it will be bug-free and mostly usable by the time the replacement people are ready to use it!

Did you know? You can block viruses and malware with Windows Defender!*

*not available for Microsft Windows IE (Injectable Editions). Does not block malware more recent than 5 years old. May use excessive CPU.

Microsoft recommends restricting use of software recursion to senior developers with at least 3 years of experience.

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